Letter From Heaven

To my dearest family,some things i'd like to say
But first of all,to let you know,that i arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven,here i dwell with God above.
Here there's no tears of sadness,just pure,eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because i'm out of sight.
Remember that i'm with you every morning,noon and night.
That day i had to leave you,when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and said "I welcome you.
It's good to have you back again,you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family,they'll be here later on.
I needed you here badly,you're part of my plan,
There's so much that we have to do to help our mortal man".
God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do,
And foremost on the list was to watch and care for You.
And when you retire to your bed,the days chores put to flight,
God and I are close to you..in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years,
because you're only human,they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry,it does relieve the pain,
Remember there wouldn't be flowers,unless there was some rain.
I wish that i could tell you,all that God has planned,
But if I were there to tell you,you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain,tho' my life on earth is no more,
I'm closer to you now,than i ever was before.
There are many roads ahead of you,many hills to climb,
But together we can do it,taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and i'd like it for you too,
That as you give unto the world,so the world will give to you.
If you can help somebody who's in sorrow or in pain,
Then you can say to God at night "My day was not in vain".
And now I am contented that my life was so worthwhile,
knowing as i passed along the way,I made somebody smile.
So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
Just lend a hand to pick them up,as on your way you go.
When you are walking down the road and I am on your mind,
I'm walking in your footsteps,only half a step behind.
And when it's your time to go on..from that body to be free,
Remember you're not going..you're coming here to me.

Author unknown.
Submitted by Jane 23/6/04

For everyone...

Jane Challender

Hi Bruv

He came out of prison today, Bruv. He can carry on abusing other kids now. At least we tried. He has a life, you don't. And I only live half of one. My heart is being ripped apart today at the price we've paid for so-called justice. Your death may have been suicide but he killed you. I can never stop believing that, especially as it should've been me who died first. Why am I still here but you're not? I miss you so much, little bruv. 22 months since you chose to leave.

Sonny (who's convicted abuser was released today after serving just 13 months)

Jacqueline

A kiss for my angel

my heart is filled with sadness
my body is full of pain
the tears that i have cried
to have you home again
the arms of god were open
to comfort and hold you tight
if heaven was not so far away
to kiss my angel goodnight
so sleep peacefully my sweet angel
on the clouds that pass from above
and when you awake and feel alone
i will be waiting to bring you love
and when you feel a slight cool breeze
when you pass through all that mist
just look down and give me a smile
it's just your daddy blowing up
A KISS

Emma Lynch

joseph caughey

mum

Where are you mum
You seem so far
You were never there when i needed a cuddle
Im sorry i hurt you
My life has been a muddle
Is it to late to say i care
All that love we never shared
We should have beeen the best of friends
Let's start again make amends
I know you were never proud of me
Im older now i agree
I hope one day you will forgive me
I do love you and hope you can be
The mum i have always wanted for me

patricia kena

'Nath was 'ere'

It would be so good to take again for granted,
All teh times you'd come home and we'd see you when we wanted.
To know each day at five o'clock,
I'd hear your car, and the door unlock.

To pick up your washing from the bedroom floor,
Not knowing which items were worn before.
To be able to say,' Hang things up',
To make you tea and move your empty cup.

Making meals stretch for just one more,
As mates of yours walked through the door.
Cars on the drive for you to mend,
Stereos , alarms fitted for your friends.

For the house to be filled with the scent of 'Lynx',
And be able to complain that 'it stinks'.
To leave your football medal in thedrawer,
Because you won it years before.

Pots of hair gel taking up space,
To keep your centre parting in place.
A bottle of, ' Joop' , hidden high,
So your brother would pass it by.

That 'awful garage music' you would play,
As you rode in the car each day.
To see your eyes light up with glee,
As you played another prank on me.

Christmas cards you once sent,
Photos of childhood days we spent.
School uniforms I never threw away,
Perhaps I kept them for today.

I found a pre-school booklet of yours,
it took me back to when you were four
Your handprint and footprint stamped inside,
Now displayed with such pride.

Bits of wire, bulbs, odd socks,
All piled into an oddment box.
All items that should have been discarded,
Symbolic of you and highly regarded.

Now nothing can I throw away,
They are part of you and your kindly way.
They help us feel not so alone,
And keep your place here at home.

I know you can't walk through the door,
And take up where you left off before.
But it is all proof that you were here,
You made a difference and were held dear.

in Loving memory of our 20 year old , wonderful Son Nathan, who died of cancer.xxxAnd dedicated to all of you parents who are made to feel that you should get rid of all your childs belongings, as though its not normal. what is not normal, is that our kids went before us, and were robbed of a future with us. We hang on to what we can. it'snot enough, butits all we have. God bless you all xxxxxxx

Kathy

then- she was gone.

In a desolate world lay a strange girl,
in a pool of other's tears,
asleep and yet awake ,
all the world was fears.
She wanted not to be here,
be a free bird as one,
she pulled her strings,
let go of all she held,
and then... she was gone.

to all who need to understand

Nikkie, aged 11

MY DADDY

My Daddy is an angel in heaven above,
He`s way, way up in the sky,
I was just a little baby when he left me,
And I don`t understand WHY........

On Father`s day I send balloons to Daddy,
I blow kisses to Heaven and I wave,
I love to do this, it makes me happy,
I don`t realize yet not everybody`s Daddy has a grave.

I take my Daddy pretty flowers,
I light a candle for him everyday,
I see him in the photos and learn about him from all the others,
I know he is still with me in oh so many ways.

My daddy can`t play with me like other Daddy`s do,
He can`t wipe away my tears or kiss away my fears,
He can`t teach me to ride my bike, or kick a ball,
Or even tie my shoes,
He`ll never read me bedtime stories, but I still love my Daddy Boo.....

There are times I sound like him, or I`ll even give you his smile,
In me you`ll hear his laugher if you listen for awhile,
Nannie says I act like him when he was a child,
Because I am a part of him and he is part of me.

Someday Nannie and Sara will explain,
Why Daddy went away, before I got to know him,
Why he wasn`t here for all the important things,
Why do other kids have Daddy`s, Why aren`t I like them??

My Daddy loved me very much and I know he still does,
Nothing can ever change that, cos a Daddy`s love is here and beyond,
My Daddy maynot have been able to stay with me,
But I know he is here with me,
We have that special BOND

FOR MY SPECIAL ANGEL DADDY ON FATHERS DAY.
I LOVE AND MISS YOU DADDY.
FROM YOUR LITTLE FAT MAN CONNORxxxxxxx

Ian Michael Lynes 28-9-71 25-2-02 Loved and missed more and more each passing day. Stay with us baby we love you. Your heartbroken Mam xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Betty Greenwood

Claire

They say there is a reason,
they say that time will heal,
But there is no time nor reason
To show the way I feel,
Just thought I'd write this message
so there isn't any doubt,
You are wonderful to think of
But so hard to live without.

In memory of Claire Baldwin who died 10th June 2003, hard to believe a year has passed in this hell. love always Darling Claire from your broken-hearted Mum xxxx

Madge

Grief Misunderstood.

Don't look upon me with suspicion,
I'm not the enemy or opposition.
I know you do not understand,
The terrain I walk in this foreign land.

All appears to go on as before,
Because I do not show my core.
And if i did what would you see?
Could you stand the real sight of me?

In truth I hide within my soul,
A part of me that is not whole.
It is not there to deceive,
It's just the way I have to grieve.

I do not wail or scream and shout,
But at times it does spill out.
When I'm tired or under stress,
My heart feels heavy but you might not guess.

And if I show you what will you do?
Will you heal me and make me new?
You would if you could, I know that's true,
But all I really ask of you,
Is to give me time and understand,
I am not ill or offhand.

There is just no cure or fast track,
To guide me on my journey back.
I'm walking through the darkest night,
All I ask is, don't shade my light.

I am not hiding some sinister delusion,
I'm trying to work through this confusion.
Now in fear of being misunderstood,
I hide the me of motherhood.

In my world now more alone,
I stand in silence on my own.
I try to melt into the walls,
To make myself really small.

You cannot understand I know
But don't use my tragedy as a place to go.
When something I say does not meet your will,
Please don't assume I am ill.

Don't use it as your own excuse,
To drown me in backhand abuse.
The road I tread is hard enough,
I don't need yo to share it, just don't make it more tough.

Realise that you know me whilst I am weak,
But at times my previous strength does speak.
I'm not always right, and i'm not perfect it's true,
But then again, neither are you.

In memory of our son Nathan, who died on 26th Feb 2003, due to a brain tumour. It's a long hard road Nath and I can never be the same again. Others do not understand this grief. it scares them and leaves me humiliated and alone. xxx I love you my perfect son xxxx

Kathy Kelsey

"He came to let me know"

Ricaardo Ramon Gallegos Jr.
He did a drive-by ya know
Paid dearly with his life
But truely just did'nt know
GOD then came down and said
Son it's time to go
Ricardo then came back
To let his Mommy know
Of all the crazy things
That are to unfold
His Mommy cried and cried
Because her son had died
So Ricardo came back again
To let her know
Of life on the otherside
He said" Mommy I'm happy
And I love my new life
Remember to take this
Little bit of advise
Many will come to you
To try and jeopardize
STAND TALL , BE STRONG
And don't listen to people
For they only tells you lies
The day will come when you
Get them answers to the WHYS?
So for now Mommy remember
Just enjoy your life



" IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY SON "

Ricardo Ramon Gallegos Jr.
4-4-85 to2-01-02

Chin up Chest Out

Maribel

" Hope "

It's been two years
Since you've been gone
Everyone tells me
I am so strong
But what they don't know
Is that at times
I'm just hanging on
If it was'nt for GOD
I don't know what I'd do
Dammit Ricardo!!!!!!!!!!!
I sure miss you
I remember your words
They play in my head
Usually when I'm
Laying alone in my bed
Then I remember
What you said
That day in the park
And with a quickness
It brings joy
To my heart
You were so wise
At your young age
I know It's time
For me to turn the page
I must let go
And believe that one day
I'll see you again.

To my son, boyfried, Dad (you acted as each one ) ha3x I miss you like crazy

Maribel Bermudez

Ricardo Ramon Gallegos Jr.

He was only 16
Dark, handsome, and lean
He had my same genes
You know what I mean
I love him so much
I miss his soft touch
Now as he lays forever in peace
I ask that you please
Don't forget his name
"Ricardo Ramon Gallegos Jr."
He didn't die in vain
But I tell you my friend
It's hell to live with this pain
Heaven forbid you go through the same
What have I learned from this tragedy?
That I as a parent
Have a responsibility
To give time and love
To show them the way
So that when they grow
They will not to astray
And end up like Ricardo
Who now lays in a grave
So remember this well
My story I'll tell
'Cause it can happen to you
As it happened to me.

In loving memory of my son Ricardo Ramon Gallegos Jr.

Maribel

Let Me

Let me awaken from this sleep
let it be a nightmare
January 7th i want it to be
let me not find a note upon your bed
let me find your beautiful sleepy head instead

At times i find it hard to believe its true, that i am here without you, Julian my son.........gone! love you baby, miss you like crazy. Julian Brooks 25th March 86-7th Jan o4

Jane Brooks

Still

I love you still even though you broke my heart
I need you still even though were apart
I adore you still even though you are no more
I care for you still even though you have no form
I talk to you still even though you do not answer
I kiss you still even though i don't feel them touch
I still miss you Julian, and still love you so very much
Haunting my mind is still the question why
Why did you want to die, still need to understand
Still wonder if i lent a hand
Still believe i could of understood
Still sit in your room, and keep it as you would
Still sit and try to feel you near, holding on to my memories to keep your image clear
Julian i need you near
Still don't understand why you had to go
When i love you more than you could possibly have known
I STILL get angry you left me
But STILL miss you so desperatly

Behind your eyes

One Hundred and fifty four nights without being able to kiss my son goodnight x
One hundred and fifty four days i've never heard you say ' yes mum, i am ok'
which now i know was always a lie, the truth you hid behind those beautiful big brown eyes
your absent smiles my mind denied ' too cool to smile' but too sad is now what i know
I miss you so much from that day you felt you had to go
i've sat through your inquest yesterday, they tried so hard not to re-enforce the guilt inside
it worked, they did it, it's not got worse
but i can't hide from all my own blame inside
I wish i'd looked deeper in your eyes
thinking now,
you looked away so i could not see your tears inside
oh and by the way, did i mention i love you more today, than i ever did yesterday x

To my sone Julian, My life and my soul who chose to leave this world 7th Jan 04 aged 17 yrs 9 month. miss you more than words could ever say, your loving desperatly hurting mum

Jane Brooks

Remember

Close to our Hearts,
Your memory is kept,
To treasure, to love,
And never forget.

Ashleigh Francis McNulty age 12yrs-26th June.

Susan J Mcnulty

Charlotte My Exotic Flower

The conditions need to be just right to grow,
Not toofast - not too slow
A sturdy stem with arching leaves
This exotic flower is sure to please

She's very demanding - Is this worth it?
I'm not too sure yet I pray she'll make it
A little water, some love and care
A little sunshine were almost there

Her buds are here - I'm feeling nervous
Will she bloom? Will she surface?
As the sun beats down she opens her petals
Glorious colours of precious metals
A short lived beauty in all her glory
Adored by those who know her story

Now the time has come for her to say Goodbye
Sleep well my darling no need to cry
You blessed this world with all your splendor
And this my dearest we'll always remember

All my love Mum XXX

For my only daughter Charlotte who died on the 14th May 2004 aged 19 years

Dominica O'Neill

If This Is Not to Place...

If this is not a place where tears are understood
Where do I go to cry?
If this is not a place where my spirits can take wing,
Where can I go to fly?
If this is not a place where my questions can be asked,
Where do I go to seek?
If this is not a place where my feelings can be heard,
Where do I go to speak?
If this is not a place where you’ll accept me as I am,
Where can I go to be?
If this is not a place where I can learn to learn and grow,
Where can I be just me?

William J. Crockett

This is the place....where we CAN be "just me"

Lorna

alone

ARE YOU SITTING STARING AT THE SCREEN
DO YOU WAIT UNTIL YOUR EYES ARE ALMOST CLOSED
DO YOU PRAY THE PHONE WILL RING
AND PANIC WHEN IT DOES...

DO YOU AVOID THE SHOPS THAT SELL HIS FAVOURITE THINGS
RUSH PAST THE AISLES THAT HAS HIS FAVOURITE FOOD
LOOK AT YOUNG BOYS AND WANT TO HOLD THEM TIGHT
WANT TO SMELL THEM AND FEEL THEIR STUBBLY FACE

DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE A SIGN
THAT SAYS AVOID THIS WOMAN AT ALL COSTS
DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE LOSING EVERYONE
YOUR SON AND NOW YOUR FRIENDS

DO YOU PRAY THAT LIFE IS SHORT
HAVE NO PLANS OR HOPES
DO YOU WONDER WHO YOU ARE
CANT REMEMBER BEFORE

WELL MY FRIENDS ITS CLEAR TO ME
YOU ARE A BEREAVED MUM TOO
A MEMBER OF THIS GROUP
I WOULD KNOW YOU ANYWHERE

YOU HAVE THE HAUNTED LOOK
OF A MUM SO FULL OF PAIN
OTHERS DONT SEE YOUR HURT
I SEE IT CLEAR AS DAY....

IN MEMORY OF OUR ONLY CHILD,,DANIEL DENNIS 27.1.82--11.5.2001 OUR WHOLE WORLD XXX

elaine

Our Anniversary

It's our Weddig Anniversary Son but without you it's so sad,
I have been to buy the presents for Katy, Scott and Dad.
I coundn't leave you out Nath, so we bought you a few gifts,
They are only flowers and a car , but they help to soothe the rift.

I remember previous years, when at midnight there you'd be,
Counting up your presents and smiling up at me.
Saying,' Can I open just one before I go to sleep? I promise all the others, 'til morning I will keep'.

Together we would unwrap our gifts one by one,
And proudly you'd lay out your 'Nike' clothes as each item was undone.
Then you'd tear off all the tags, and the first outfit you would wear,
You'd put on your new aftershave and comb and gel your hair.

Today we are filled with those memories, and it's so painful that is true,
Because here within our family, is a place unique to you.
Anniversaries were such a family time, so it's hard to carry on,
with the tradition we made between us, now that you are gone.

There is a hole within our lives, and as we count our gifts today,
We know the only one we REALLY WANT, was too good to stay.

For Nathan, who passed away 26th Feb 2003, age 20, from a brain tumour. Anniversaries were always shared with our children and we exchanged presents. Nathan always made such a fuss and got excited like a little lad. As he would say....' its Pants' now . xxxx

kathy kelsey

To'i Hurt

What brundis bore.
'Oh, quaint contriver of such abore.
And wields't not in tempest fling,
thou's will in barren vain.

Leave thee here in weary jest.
And leave thy here again.

talavera, matthew

perfect

perfect she was that day she was born,
ten fingers, ten toes,
coal black hair,
even had my little nose,
not a bad job i had done at only 15,
i swore to her that very day,
i would never be mean,
and no one would ever take her away,
the angel of mine,
saved me from myself,
i grew up then and there-started walking the line,
all i wanted was for her to be happy, healthy, and proud,
she was 2 1/2 by the time
she had a baby sister much smaller then her,
but as a big sister that kid did shine,
my little girls are somethen' thats for shure,
the 2nd much different from the first,
a tough little shit that one proved to be,
at minding and stuff that ones the worst,
but boy i shure admire her freedom,
they are both rambunktious, wild and free,
look at them now,
those girls will be what ever they want to be,
there smiles are lovly,
and so very smart,
God they are everything i've always wanted to be,
when the 2nd was only 14 months old,
she got her 1st little brother,
she was so mad,
"hey kid get off my mother"
he was very speachel
just looking at him any one could see,
he was full of love to give,
and woulds always be,
as it turned out he only had 6 short months to live
devastated by our loss, i said no more,
i couldn't pay the cost,
i had two little girls to be strong for,
though all i could do was try,
inside my head i was running out the door,
but along came our 2nd little man,
he proved i was still alive inside,
i can still love,i can
even though at night, alone i still cried,
he was born perfect just like the 3 befor,
i let him down i have always felt,
because i kept him at arms length at first,
causepain, well i couldn't stand anymore,
loving and devoted he has always been,
if you asked me was it all worth the cost,
i would say hell yes and i would pay it again,
but this time i wouldn't have lost!

dawn nelson

i stand alone

in a crowded room,
I stand alone,
in a world of happiness,
i stand alone,
in a haven of hopes,
i stand alone,
in a home of my own,
i stand alone,
mind playing tricks on me,
thought i was loved once,
always wanted to be,
thought i had someone on my side,
mind playing tricks on me,
now i know i'm alone on my roller coaster ride,
in a crowed of people,
i am alone,
happiness all arpound,
i am still all alone,
do you hear me screaming out,
with all the hopes you have, can't you spare a few,
all i have is doubt,
and in my home i am...
STILL ALONE

JUSTIN NELSON

dawn nelson

I Wonder Who It Was

I wonder who it was, just one of you or all
Who decided that I was not a fit friend
In my sickness to refuse a card or call
A bunch of flowers, just nothing at all

A such horrid colleague, not at all a mate
What did I do, that's so bad for you all
It is my son's death, I know you all hate
Behind my back, names you do me call

Do I not offer to help you when you are stuck
If your PC you cannot budge, or file not save
Yet now I'm sick, to me not even a look
At deaths demise, no mourners for my grave

Well, I'm coming back and do not interrupt
My great concentration as I work and ponder
My lifes just great, so I say don't be abrupt
If you want help, find others, go and wander

I'm sadly now off limits, go play your silly game
I HAVE Compassionate Friends to help me so
I pray you will never feel the shame or the same
But to your level, I will never sink or go.

I've been off sick for 5 weeks and have learned that a couple of my team are P..... off with doing my work too. Although I do it for them when they are away. I know that they think that after 4.5 years I should forget my son, and only child Richard and get on with my life. I appreciate how you will all react to that, but how sad that after 5 weeks, I never got one get well card from them. I go back to work in a week after a break in Scotland in our Caravan. How do I cope with them. It's as I am told they are sick of me talking of my son. Is it them or me. They all have living children, and I can't help but to say, 'I remember Richard doing ..........' What do I do.

Mags Smith-Roberts

indian prayer....

When I am dead
Cry for me a little
Think of me sometimes
But not to much.
Think of me now and again
As I was in life
At some moments it's pleasent to recall
But not for long.
Leave me in peace....

MY SON MATTHEW...12/08/75.....29/09/01

jenifer

storms....

There will be storms,friend
There will be storms
And with each tempest
You will seem to stand alone
Against cruel winds.

But with time,the rage and fury
Shall subside
And when the sky clears
You will find yourself
Cling to someone
You would have never known
But for storms.

MAGGIE DEMERELL

MATTHEW CAGER...12/08/75.....29/09/01

jenifer

Press Rewind

If I could only press rewind I'd go right back to when,
You were just a little boy of maybe nine or ten.
Maybe then there would be time to change destinys path,
To intervene, stop the growth of the tumour and its wrath.

If only I could undo this life, unravel it until,
I found the bit where this began and the road became uphill.
I'd carefully re knit it and I'd armour plate your soul,
So nothing could ever touch you or stop you being whole.

If only I could press rewind,
And have you home once more,
To see you reach fulfillment of the plans you had before.

For Nathan, our hero, our heart, our life xxxxxxxx

Kathy Kelsey

'The Caring Profession'

I work in the 'caring profession', but my colleagues havent a clue.
Now you're 15 months gone son, they think I should be over you.
They offered me a study course, if i'd work full time, like a pack horse,
When I explained this could not be,
because I need time for the cemetery ,
They called a meeting and said i may be ill,
surely it wasnt normal to find the cemetery a thrill.

They do not understand my plan,
That I'm being a mother,doing the best that I can.
Keeping your grave neat is all I can give,
To the son I lost, who deserved to live.

The doctor they sent me to, said I was fine,
That I'm greiving and its normal behaviour of mine.
To go to the cemetery 4 times a week,
is healthy because it's not all I seek.

Normal yes, but if you could choose,
Fellow nurses, would you walk a mile in my shoes?.
I do not need the humiliation,
of recalling my day in justification.
Of loving my child through life and beyond,
Being a parent is a timeless bond.

Nathan passed away 26 Feb 2003, age 20, after battling a brain tumour. His Dad and I were by his side constantly for the last 4 months of his life. In this time, he lost his ability to walk and went blind, but he never gave up hope. At hs lowest ebb, he cried and said he was sorry for putting US through this! xxxxxxx

Kathy Kelsey

It's not The way it's meant to be.

It's not the way it's meant to be, A child should not go first,
And though we try so hard to cope, nothing can quell this thirst.
We long to see you walk through the door,
To laugh about things that happened before.

What about tommorrow and all you planned to do?,
How do we stand and watch the world going on without you?
A week, a month, a hundred years, nothing can fulfil,
This life is just a shadow now. A lack-lustre, bitter pill.

For our beloved son Nathan, who passed away due to a brain tumour, 26 Feb 2003, age 20 xxxxYou were our heart son xxxxx

Kathy Kelsey

We let you go

Into the darkness and warmth of the earth
We lay you down
Into the sadness and smiles of our memories
We lay you down
Into the cycle of living and dying and rising again
We lay you down

May you rest in peace, in fulfilment, in loving
May you run straight home in God’s embrace

Into the freedom of wind and sunshine
We let you go
Into the dance of the stars and the planets
We let you go
Into the wind’s breath and the hands of the star maker
We let you go

We love you, we miss you, we want you to be happy
Go safely, go dancing, go running home.


Author unknown.
I found this poem on the site www.poeticexpressions.co.uk

This poem is dedicated to our son Ollie who died on 16th October 2003 and would have been 13 on 6th June. Ollie had autism. After battling leukaemia from age 4 to 9 yrs he died of a brain infection following the removal of a malignant brain tumour. Although he had lots of problems Ollie was a wonderful child who gave us all much joy and everyone who knew him loved him. I miss him very badly.

Rosie Venables

From my daughter to me

Mother I comfort you, for you do not see the things I do.
It is not lonely in my world
For here I find many new things to meep me amused

But I wonder why, at times why my body did die.
I held no grudge, I let it go
When my spirit did flow
And connect with my passage through

No mor pain do I feel, no more fears too extreme
I love you, that will never change
I am beautiful, can't you see my colours
I love colours, don't you know.

This was written for me by a medium in Australia, 6 months after my darling daughter Kelly died in a tragic accident aged 22yrs 5 months. On the way home a beautiful rainbow appeared in the sky and I felt she was sending me the message that she was still with me even though I could not see or touch her.

Linda Mason

bestest friends forever and above together we will be wiv on going love!

i never really knew that suicide was such a common thing in this day an age since my best friend jumpt 130ft off a tower block,the pain is unbarable all the heartache and tears i really dont know how im geting threw this all i understood depression but i never dreamt it could lead to taking your own life.do you get through it? does it really get easier? beacause six months on im no better in dealing with the loss of my bestfriend.i feel so guilty there had to be somthing i could of done?! danielle i love you so much you are forever in my heart missing you more as each day passes! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

danielle waddington 26/6/87 to16/11/03

sam

Dear Ian. xxx

I hope I’ve never let you down,
Even now you were a golden crown.
I loved you in life, as I love you in death,
I never meant to fail you, my brother Boo,
I should have been there, the night you left,
I should of held your hand and comforted you in death,
I couldn’t bring myself to see you like that, to remember my
Brother laid lifeless in a bed, everyone says you looked so peaceful
But ill never know, even in the rest rooms I could not go, but please don’t think
I let you go, I wanted to remember you happy and smiling, a memory so distant
A memory that’s faded, I look back now to what I could change, I wish I had said goodbye, I wish I could wipe the tears from mams eyes, I wish ohh so much I had
Held your hand, kissed your face, and that you had felt just one last embrace, I hope you forgive me for not saying goodbye, I’am sorry. Xxx

Ian Lynes (BOO) 1971-2002. miss you bro, xxx

sara lynes

MY BIRTHDAY.....

my dear son MATTHEW,there was a space where your card should have been for me from you, for my birthday on monday 17th May.

We miss you so much,my son.

We will never know for sure why you drove your car of that 1oo ft.cliff.

LOVE MUM.XXXX

MATTHEW CAGER...12/08/75.....29/09/01

jenifer

miss you

My darling how Imiss you,only 18 years old,you were only a fledgling not yet flown the nest.
Such a beautiful young woman who was put to the test. I am still trying to come to terms with why you left us there wasnt a goodbye, you lay in the hospital bed sedated,we couldnt even talk to you ,or stroke your skin as we may have stirred something in you . I miss seeing your beatiful face and hearing you as you came through the door call out "Hi mum" Hannah you were my first of three beatiful daughters, my heart is broken and feels so heavy most days,but I have to carry on for the sake of your heartbroken dad and 2 wonderful sisters Lois@ Sophia. Once we were 5 and now we are 4 and we dont look forward anymore. Your heartbroken mum who treasures every last memory of you .

My angel Hannah has gone away but I know we will be reunited one day all my love and more mumxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

marie kirkham

Day by day

The past 5 months since you went away I cry for you each and every day.
My darling Hannah I miss you so,only those who have lost a child really know the extent of the pain,the sheer feeling of having your heart ripped out of your chest and then being stuffed back. That heart will never quite beat the same ever again.
The depression you fought so bravely,finally took a hold of you in the end. Oh how I wish you could have told us sooner about the horrible things you suffered at the hands of your "So called work colleagues who bullied you til your self esteem was under your feet, it could nt have become any lower.

To my wonderful talented,beautiful daughter Hannah.who passed away on 26-12-03 9 days after taking an overdose because she was severely bullied in the workplace.Ilove you my angel

marie kirkham

(a leter to dani) im missing you

dani since that night you took your life i lost the wheel to live not only did i loose my best friend my whole word fell apart.i miss you so much an six months on i just cant go on i love you so much why did you leave me?! i guess i know deep down? i just want you to know i love you so much an there is not a day that goes pasted that i dont think of you. all my love all my heart xxxxx

( danielle died 16 th november 2004 she jumpt 130ft to her death) god bless our dani x

sam

Daisy

Dear Daisy,
This is not a poem , just the deepest , deepest wisjh that you were with us still.
It will be 3 yrs tommorrow since you died and all the people who loved you then have moved on.......apart from us.
Mummy, Daddy, Thomas and Alistair.
We still love you and miss you with all our hearts. Life is so dificult for us all without you. We miss your love, energy and joy with life.
Hope you are happy wherever you are, What I would give for a cuddle and a kiss,
Lots of love, Mummmy XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

Carol

OUR CHILDREN

THEY SAY MEMORIES ARE GOLDEN,WELL MAYBE THAT IS TRUE.
WE NEVER WANTED MEMOIES, WE ONLY WANTED YOU.

A MILLION TIMES WE NEEDED YOU,A MILLION TIMES WE CRIED.
IF LOVE COULD HAVE SAVED YOU,YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE DIED.

IN LIFE WE LOVED YOU DEARLY,IN DEATH WE LOVE YOU STILL.
IN OUR HEARTS YOU HOLD A PLACE,NO ONE COULD EVER FILL.

IF LOVE COULD BUILD A STAIRWAY AND HEARTACHE BUILD A LANE,
WE'D WALK THE PATH TO HEAVEN AND BRING YOU BACK AGAIN.

OUR FAMILY CHAIN IS BROKEN,AND NOTHING SEEMS THE SAME.
BUT AS GOD CALLS US ONE BY ONE,THE CHAIN WILL LINK AGAIN...

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

MY SON MATTHEW...12/08/75.....29/09/01

jenifer

Sonnet

Time does not bring relief: you have all lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him in the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side
And last year's leaves smoke in every lane
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.
There are a hundred places whereI fear
To go, - so with his memory they brim.
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say 'There is no memory of him here!'
And so stand stricken, so remembering him.

This Edna St. Vincent Millay sonnet was sent to me by one of my James' good friends. It expresses my thoughts very well.

Julia

Missing Meeting Point

Sorry, this isn't a poem but I'm so missing meeting point - I log on obsessively every day just to try to find a way of relieving some of this pain. My boy took his own life in March of this year and I can't bear it, I just can't. He filled my every day with joy and pride and I can't do life without him. There have been one or two days since he left us - chose to leave us - that I've been on a kind of 'raft' of calm but I've slipped off and am in a pit so deep and dark that I can't see even a chink of light.
Apologies for the unpoetic nature of this posting.
Thinking of you all.

My boy

Julia

chloe

How could this happen? you were 6 days old.
My Chloe Jade.....My baby girl.
God how I have missed you over the last 5 years, I dont know how I have made it. Your little sister looks just like you! She has that spark that I'm sure you would have had!!
I sometimes feel like you are with me....but God I wish you were. Sometimes I want to be with you but your sister keeps me strong.
Things have been hard....I got your box out the other day and all I could do is cry.
You would have started school now, my big girl, all grown up.
My pain will never go babe.....and my love for you grows every day. I wish I had more time with you, wish you didnt have to go, but Mummy will be with you one day and we will have our time together then.

I love you so much

Chloe Jade 19.2.1999 - 25.2.1999

natalie gadd

just a question for Derek

Hi! Logged on tonight- why are there no new postings? Is there a problem with Meeting Point?
Hope you're all okay?
Sian

Sian Lane

Creeping Tides

Wild whisping, creeping beings
crawling all by my sides
slivering & sliding, just as and
before the tides will rise

Fear hopping witches
crawling by my soul, if known
tearing, tearful tears, cruel,
Just leving me not whole

Cold air and mist mingles
with my soul un-filled dreams
bringing sanity to a lost
Mother's mourneful dreams

Richard Marc Gray Roberts 03.11.1999

Mags Smith-Roberts

my mistake on poem 'A TEAR FELL'

SUBMITED A POEM 'A TEAR FELL'

MADE A ,MISTAKE IN THE DEDICATION,
SHOULD READ....

MY SON MATTHEW....12/08/75 ......29/09/01

jenifer

A TEAR FELL....

I SHED A TEAR TODAY SILENTLY,
I FELT IT FALL.
YOU CAUGHT IT
SHARED IT
HELD IT
FELT IT
THEN
SUDDENLY
IT WASN'T
SO BIG
AFTER ALL.
AUTHOR MARGE TINDAL

MY SON MATTHEW.....12/75/01.....29/09/01.....

jenifer

Bruv

Still no progress. Can't get motivated! Saw your babies yesterday. They look so much like you. Difficult to think that the twins won't know who you are as they get older. They start school in Sept and will be 2 years below J. At least he'll have someone from our side of the family around him. Speak soon. Love you. xxx

Sonny

Jaq

Life goes on leaving you behind

Hi Bruv,
21 months gone already. Still hurts, but I breathe easier sometimes. Maureen says you're with Graygray and that you're happy. Hope so. Went to my first gig on Tuesday. It was cool. Wish you could've seen me jumping up and down like a nutter!! JM looks great with his new haircut. Very un-Spike! GotR are wicked live. He grinned at me and I went weak at the knees!! Felt like a teenager! I hate having to share stuff like this and I wish we could talk for real. Need help with my essays too. Give me a kick up the backside to get me motivated again. Feet your size can move anything, even me!!!
Love you always, little bruv. xxx

Sonny Wilson (21st December 1968 - 15th August 2002)

Jaq

victoria

i went to sleep last night on the eve of your birthday, i prayed you would come to me, please vicky help me ican t go on without you i miss you so very much love you babes mummy x x x x x x x

victoria on her 23rd birthdauy

bette smith

Ref: Meeting Point

Sorry to put this on here, it isn't a poem.

I wrote to Derek the Webmaster last week to tell him there was a problem with Meeting Point. So far he has not responded, so he is 1) Either on holiday or 2) Has problems with his computer.

I also miss logging on, maybe some of you will try and go onto the Forum, there is a Meeting Point on there too. You never know, you might just like it!

Love to everyone PATRICIA

Patricia Copsey

whats wrong with meeting point?

does anyone know, cant get into it anymore?

madge

if roses grow in heaven

if Roses grow in heaven
Lord please pick a bunch for me
place them in my daughters arms
and tell her they are from me
tell her I love and miss her
and when she turns to smile
take her in your arms
and hold her for a while
because remembering her is easy
I do it every day
but there's an ache in my heart
that willnever go away

To Adele on your 17th birthday - 10th may ,your 1st with the angels.we miss you baby, love mam ,dad, Robert, Jade and Alex, special licks from pippin and Dusty.

paula puckrin

Silly Poem?

Here's a new product for sale I just found,
it's for bereaved mums who are always hitting the ground!

It's so unbelievable, a product to help mask your facial torment,
it's taken so long to create this, why did it take so long to invent?

In the lab they worked for years to perfect this needed addition to our regime,
it's needed at times when we need to look together in public where we're seen.

What is this little thing I talk about to take when you're falling down the hill,
why, it's a little potion created for us in tough times, it's the little anti-cry pill.

Its effects only last for a short time like when you grocery shop,
so take one before entering the store and your heart won't feel like it'll stop.

When you see the food things your child used to ask you to buy,
your knees won't go shaky and your eyes will stay dry!

If you have to go to a wedding and you feel your heart will blow up like a balloon,
take one little anti cry pill and you'll smile when you see the bride and groom.

It's made of natural plants and is safe to use when you need it when you have to be in a public place,
it will stop the tear glands from working and the tears won't run down your face!

We know that tears are cleansing but sometimes we need a break,
cause sometimes we feel our tears could fill up the biggest lake.

Ah, but I dream for there is so such product you can find on the market today,
so until they invent it, we'll just have to be human and let them fall when and where they may.

For those who are uncomfortable to see the tears I can sometimes keep behind my wall,
I say your comfort level is not my business so move away from my presence as I let the teardrops freely fall.

For some their daily dilemma is what outfit to wear and what fits into their diet today,
let them live in la-la land because we know what's important now and we learned the hard way.

We find we are more generous with our time and compassion and a new ability to understand,
That these "gifts" we have found can be used to help others who have fallen down and need a helping hand.

So let the tears come whenever, it's what we need to do for us,
for those who don't like it, please walk away and get on the next bus.


Alice Stephens
Colin's mum

Alice, Colin's mum - May 8, 2004

Alice

another year

Hi babe
another year has gone by and i miss you more than anyone can ever imagine,its your birthday in one hours time and i just want to hug you and be with you and see that lovely smile just once more, i love you darling so much never stop hoping that one day soon we will be to gether please vicky give me the strength to carry on for your sisters and broher. love you so much...mummy x x x x x x x

to my darling daughter victoria on her 23rd birthday 0n 9th may

bette smith

another year

Hi babe
another year has gone by and i miss you more than anyone can ever imagine,its your birthday in one hours time and i just want to hug you and be with you and see that lovely smile just ince more, i love you darling so much never stop hoping that one day soon we will be to gether please vicky give me the strength to carry on for your sisters and broher. love you so much...mummy x x x x x x x

to my darling daughter victoria on her 23rd birthday 0n 9th may

bette smith

To Matt from Lisa

I must leave you for a little while,
please do not grieve or shed wild tears
and hug your sorrow through the years
but start out bravely with a smile
and for my sake and in my name
live on and do all things the same

Feed not your loneliness with empty days
but fill each waking hour in useful ways,
reach out your hand in comfort and cheer
and I in turn will comfort you and hold you near
and never, never be afraid to die
for I am waiting for you in the sky.

Poem read by Lisa at Matt's funeral. Matt took his own life 4th March 2004

Andrew

justin

hi all for some reason i cant to meeting point but i had to tell you all that im still hanging on here alone in the us. i had an over welming need to be with you all today.i have gotten somany lovly emails with incouraging words im sad to addmite that i slipped a little a few weeks ago but i am of course only quiting for the first time. Addiction is hard enough in and of its self but my writing is really hellping but the biggest help is my new best friend she doesn't know what i was before befor i was destroyed she only knows the me that i am becoming and she loves and exceptes as i am. she is such a good person that the fact that she cares so much for me helps beleive i might be worth something. i am right god ??? i hope so Im not as depressed as i was the crazy thoughts are quieting down now and his cry has become more gental. i love you justin


forever his mom+

justin willian nelson

dawn nelson

Lawrence

The only poem I can write
has the name of Lawrence shining bright
Clear words that express my clouded mind
I cannot find.
Only Lawrence

He was my life, he is my life
With his surrounding spirit
He will remain.

This existence we have
Makes no sense now
But we are still on this planet
That has absorbed my son.

So I will confront this life, I have left
And reinvent another being
Who can face this pain.

Lawrence, you are poetry
You are all the words I could possibly write
The light breeze are your wings moving around me
The scent of sweet flowers is your breath
I feel you, I smell you
All I want now is to see you.
One day.

To My Beautiful Son Lawrence

Debbie Reeve

Feeling the Loss

Feeling of the loss for you my Michelle you took every thing I live for, it just drained the hell out of me, I feel so weak at times, and the thing is if only I knew why you died. She didn’t die from any illnesses or an accident she went to bed that night on the 9 Aug and never woke again you know all I ever wanted was the true about why my Michelle had died, was were something wrong. a all the coroner could say was “ I will leave this as an open verdict” if only I could turn the clock back and be given one wish I would wish for all of us to have our children back,
The feeling of your presence
Shall within us remain?
Looked deep in our hearts
Many tears were cried
Much sadness we shown
If only you could see how
Lonely we are without you
I don’t know how we have managed to keep our lives together, because that day in our lives we stall never forget, we will think of you always and forever yet though the years be a lifetime that may keep us apart what life we have left but haunting reminders of each day that we wont forget,
Love Mam and family
Janice Thomas

Mag

Days of Colour

There were days of violet; peaceful with the sweet scent of the oneness of my family and the universe.
There were vibrant green days of laughter and love.
But now there are red days of anger.There have been oh so many of these. Why? How? Still there is no reply, just scarlet pride turning to crimson embarrassment upon God's face.
There are so many grey days. Days in which, no matter their colour, they are dull and lifeless.
And the rainbow of colour days...ah these are the greyest days of all.
The Red poppy and orange sunset, the yellow buttercupand blue sky , the green grass, the violet haze days are all gone now.
Because these rainbow days were HIS days.
The ones where he rejoiced in his love of life.
Where simple pleasures coloured his palette.
The days where colour sang,' it's good to be alive!'.
What a shade of Puse, green becomes!.
To fill a young man with promise and appreciation and to dash it against stoney ground.

They say there will be days of yellow. Golden rays of healing.
Perhaps blue will not fill me with sadness?
Maybe this mother's green eyes will not always be raining?
Yet, grey will always prevail.
Fading at times in its density, but its shadow will forever fall and dull each hue, for eternity.

For our darling Nathan. Passed away 26 Feb 2003, from a brain tumour. We love and miss you so much. You fought so hard my brave son.

Kathy Kelsey

nick

can't see the twinkle in your eyes
or feel the warmth of your hug
can't hear your laughter
or you call out 'hey mum'
the pain is still fresh in my heart
your memories, just some, are fading
i can't do anything about it
it makes me mad
no more new photos
find an old on from the album
no new music coming from your room
no new clothes to show me
what would you be doing now
married! children of your own
salon of your own
who knows, no-one will ever know .....now
so it goes on
life without my you my precious son

for nick, 1974-1998 .rta 6 years still cant believe it. love you my shining star. mum.x

linda atkins

Hero

This family had a Hero,
A lad of bravery and care,
Who else would ask of anothers health,
When his own was in despair.
When his body ached, his mind blurred, and his eyes could not see,
He turned to his mother, to ask, ' How was she?'

He weilded the sword of courage,
With a spirit which would not bend,
He fought for life without complaint until the very end.

When all around fell silent, in their sad and desperte plight,
His humour burned like a beacon, lighting up the night.
He laughed and loved us, and saw US through, then fell into peaceful sleep,
This 20 year old wondrous lad no cemetery can keep.

His body may lie sleeping, but his spirit wanders free,
Free to cruise the open roads to where he wants to be.
For many nights he wanders home, back to those he loves,
And we catch his familiar scent , wafted from above.
We meet him in our dreams, he lets us know he's near,
His light burns just as brightly, and is ever clear.

Our heart aches to hold him,
And see him in the same old way,
But we know he was too good to suffer another day.

Nathan Kelsey,Who passed away, from a amalignant brain tumour, feb 26 2003 age 20. A wonderful son, brother and friend to many

kathy kelsey

Missing You

What was on your mind that night
Why did you feel so low
Were you so unhappy
Did you really want to go
Did you know how much we loved you
Did you know how much we'd cry
Do you know we'll spend forever
Asking ourselves WHY!
Your Brother's really miss you
Nothing is the same
They laugh and joke about you,
But we can feel their pain.
Your sister wants you back
she says so everyday
She spends her time just wishing
That you were here to stay
Locky points to heaven
Picks out the brightest Star
He know's it's uncle Ashley
And that is where you are.
Your friends all talk about you,
They can't believe your gone
They shake their heads and wonder
Why it went so wrong.
And me well Son i miss you
More than words can say
But you live on inside of me
And in my heart you'll stay.
So Ash we hope you know
How dearly you are loved
we hope your safe and happy
In Heaven up above
One day we'll meet again
All of us together
Then a family we'll be again
FOREVER AND FOREVER

With love from your loving family. We Love and miss you so much xx

I remember...

I remember giving you tablets when you were just a baby
I remember a phone call when I was at Nan’s – two pots
I remember your reaction when I fell off the Vision
I remember the ‘skin-heads’ from Mad Mick’s
I remember the garden shopping
I remember a surprise in a kinder egg
I remember skateboards on Beech Street
I remember the hook in the Blue Bell tunnel
I remember the BMX track
I remember swapping bikes on Christmas Day
I remember crutches, over and over
I remember shiny sleeping bags on the stairs
I remember the coalhouse roof
I remember your smile
I remember your voice
I remember your laughter
I remember your tears

But most of all I remember you coming to my house one day, and you a grown man, crying because another one of your friends had died. You had your arms on the worktop; your head on your arms and you were sobbing, “Why does everyone keep dying?”
Irony takes over somewhere that you were the next. But I am left with that same question.

I miss you Adam, always will.
But I will remember the times we shared.
XXX

I think you knew

It somehow feels that you were too precious
To be with us here on earth
Like you were so special
You weren’t been your worth

I ache inside to find you're gone
But believe that i was blessed
to know that you ARE my brother
And i hope you're now at rest

Sometimes it was so hard for you
You always took the pain
You never let them grind you down
And mostly took the blame

I think of you as my guardian
My big brother looking down
I just hope im been a good sister
I hope im not letting you down

A man of steel
A child at heart
Both those things
And still were apart

You knew that you were to leave us
You knew your time was near
I just wish you could have told us
Before that dreadful year

I never heard you talk of the future
It now dawns like the day
You knew long ago
That you weren’t going to stay

So hard yet soft
Irrational but calm
Take us in your arms, Adam
Keep us from harm

To mum, dad, Lindsay and Josh

A message sent from above
From your angel Natasha with all her love

An angel came down from Heaven today
And carried me off to a place far away
And as i flew high up in the sky
I saw mum and dad had started to cry
Now just for a moment, please don't be sad
I am in the loving arms of my dad's dad

My granda he watches me all through the night
And I go out out to play when the sun shines so bright
I'm running and jumping and playing on swings
And granda says he'll clip my wings
Now as you listen to the wind when it blows
You'll hear me laughing cause granda's tickling my toes

Mum, dad, Lindsay and Josh too
When thinking of me please don't be blue
I just went ot heaven a bit before you
One day we'll all be together again
Me and you and Granda's here too

Now as I get ready to finish this letter
I pray that my words will make you feel better
And when you start to go out at night
I'm that little star on your right
So when you stop to look up above
Blow me a kiss and I'll send you my love

baby i miss you

Victoria i love you so much i need your help so much.
I spent a long time with sharon today we talked about you,
she told me things about you that i never appreciated,
you were a beautiful person her closest friend
my heart swells with pride when she spoke of your wonderful caring friendship.
what a beautiful friend you was to her,
Vic my heart is swelled with pride, love you so much my baby always in my heart never out of my head soon
Victoria i love you xxxxxx

Aunt Wendy, Aunt Wendy

Aunt Wendy , Aunt Wendy, I miss you so much.....

The way you smile and your gentle touch....

Aunt Wendy, Aunt Wendy, why did you leave?...

It hurts so much I can hardly breathe...

Aunt Wendy, Aunt Wendy, I wish you were home, why was it,

Heaven you chose to roam....

2004, Written by, Stephie 9yrs old,


Feelings

When I heard I really cried, I saw darkness I was scared inside...

I wanted to run I wanted To hide, I could not believe you had really died....

My heart was broken I was really sad....

I hate that Depression he makes me MAD!

2004, Written by, Stephie 9yrs,old

DARREN 32 TODAY

There are no words that compered the heartache that we feel,
A Birthday card we can not send, It still seems so unreal,
George shares the same day too; he was a saint just like you,
23rd of April, a day to remember,
Then 6months, on till the 23rd of November.
The date of your birth, and the date of your death,
Lovely memories between, are all we have left,
The sound of your voice, and a video tape,
On photo’s you’re smiling, not knowing your fate.
I know you’re in heaven now, I would just like to say,
Hopefully Darren, we will be together one day.
Ask an angel to light you a candle or two,
Then sing Happy Birthday, like we used to do.

The Rainbow Connection

The Rainbow connection
Why are there so many songs about Rainbows
And whats on the other side
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And Rainbows have nothing to hide.
so we've been told and some chose to believe it.
I know there wrong wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow connection.
The lovers,the Dreamers and Me

Who said That every wish would be Heard
and answered when wished on the morning star?
Sombody thought of that. And someone believed it.
look what it's done so far.
whats so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
someday we'll find it,the Rainbow connection.
The lovers, the Dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell. We know thats its probably
Magic.Have you been half asleep and have you
Heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
is this seweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be the one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
it's something that I'm supposed to be.
Somday we'll find it ,the Rainbow Connection.
The lovers,the Dreamers and me.

My beloved Son Jamie found the Rainbow
Connection on 4/21/02 29 yrs old

I love you forever my son
Shine on Shine on you crazy Dimond.
Until we meet again .
Mom

Siblings......

Do you hear me crying at night,
Do you sit on my bed and try to hug me tight,
I know I cant see you but I sometimes feel your
Presence, I feel your spirit around me, helping and guiding me,
Just as you did before that night, that heartbreaking night you
were taken from My sight.

I love you Ian, and miss you so, so when will I ever let you go,
Not now, not tomorrow, not ever, I believe in you now just as I did then
Ill never let you go, never! you’re my big brother, my bestest of
friends, and a bond That strong will never end.

I hold you close within my heart, I ve herd it said that siblings move
on well people who say this are ohh so wrong, I love my brother and miss you so ill never forget the night you had to go, called to soon, to the heavens above, please don’t under estimate a siblings love, together forever, tragically torn apart, a great big hole left deep in my heart, my brother gone, and memories to hold, as I try to forget the day I was told, I will never physically hold, see or touch my brother again, sometimes I feel like I’am going in sain. I know he’s still here I swear I hear his voice sometimes, or feel his tender touch, I just miss my Brother ohh so much…………

For Boo, my big brother. Love ya our kid.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

On Your Birthday

You taught me as much about music as I taught you;
I gave you archaeology and a time of dancing
You kept me awake,
Fed my wildness as much as I fed you
The hunger for authenticity
Which we both sought.

No more gifts of surprise
Your loose-limbed elegance dippy-dancing
The space between us melting.
You are still here in the beat of the music
Still here in the crash of my heart.

Missing you

There are no words written
In any poem or song,
That say how much we miss you
Now that you have gone.
The memories of your smile
May help to ease the pain,
That will stay with us forever,
Until we all meet again.

Where are you?

Angel, where are you?
We do want to know -
We miss you so much
so where did you go?

Angel, where are you?
We do need to know -
We love you so much
so why did you go?

Angel, where are you?
We do need to know -
Our hearts have been broken
so please let us know.

Deep in my heart your memory

Deep in my heart your memory I kept
I always will treasure them to love,
And never forget
Every night I send a kiss
To the sky if I could ask for one miracle
I would ask to bring you back
My days are so long with out you
I can’t believe you have died
My heart stopped beating because that morning
Was the biggest shock of my life was you were so full of life the night before, it seems so wrong that you have gone but now the days get longer, the months get unbearable, some days I can’t find the strength to cope with life not one second goes by when you are not in my head
I here you
I smell you
Your perfume
I hear you laugh
I really do its real
I hear you say
“I’m here with my granddad in the most wonderful place”, but people would think I am mad but yet I
Can feel so much joy and other time I here you say
“I can see you Mam so sad to day I know that I have broken your heart, I can see that up here, as you struggle alone and wipe every tear you cried”.
Dear my Michelle
I need to give you
A big cuddle love Mam.

For My Julian

Seasons of grief
10/04/04

Darkness falls, the light fades
Another day my son has been away
3 months and 3 days you strayed
As darkness falls, the sun disappears
My heart the same, with no life near
Emptiness, stood alone, I face this life with fear

The wind rustles in the trees,
I sit and listen for your voice in the breeze
Spring approaches, new life begins
Freshness, things anew, something I can no longer look forward to
April showers as my tears flow
A future I do not want to know

Summer will bring sun and warmth
Without my son, unable to feel the heat
Heat is a comfort I can not feel
My heart and soul as cold as this day shows
Eyes as wet as winter snow
Floating gently in a constant flow

Like autumn leaves fall off trees
Each leaf is a meaning you gave me to be
As each one falls floats away no point is left for me
An empty tree, bare and brittle
Standing, a silhouette of what it wants to be
Alive, but no life grows

The seasons of my grief
Each day appearing……..more bleak
This winter in my heart year long
Unable to hear your beautiful song
Unable to have you here where I feel you belong
These are my seasons now you are gone x
I’m sorry
11/04/04

I’m sorry for not noticing you were about to die
I’m sorry for not noticing you were crying inside
I’m sorry for carrying on as usual, whilst nothing for you was how you used to do
I’m sorry for not kissing you good night that night
I’m sorry for not bothering to turn off your light
I’m sorry for not protecting you from you
I’m sorry for not understanding what you were going through
I’m sorry for being me around you, and not wanting to notice the changes in you
I’m sorry for always trying to hug, and saying ‘my baby I love you and cant live without you’
I’m sorry for putting pressure on you, especially to do the things you didn’t want to do
I’m sorry for being a mother that had no clue
But I am not sorry for having you, and expressing my love as much as I did and still do, my son, I just wanted to make sure you always knew I love you, no matter what, I thought this was enough to see us through and make up for the other areas love was lacking for you.

Should I
12/04/04

Should I be happy for you to be away from this life that cuts like a knife
Whatever people try is just not enough to bring happiness, and please this god above
Should I be sad you escaped this strife, this world which revolves round money and leaves people alone
People being killed, being maimed, all because others what to cause this pain
Within your own 4 walls you can try and be good, but others are not, they are as hard a wood
Should I grieve your passing or be pleased my child is away, away from this continuous pain everyday
Should I be proud of the courage you took, to stand up and do your own will or forced doctors to pump you with pills
Should I miss you so, when it was your wish to go
Should I cry each time I close my eyes when all I want is to see you smile
Should I let you go, even though I miss you so x

Spring

Spring
Birds and bees,flowers
And trees
Sky and clouds,greens
And browns
Collard doves feeding from
A bird table-
The world seems so
Very able
Sun rising earlier each day,
Setting later, its nearly
May!
People come and go but mother nature continues
To grow
We are such a small part of this
Vast tableau.
Joe James 14/04/04.

LOOK AT ME MY ROTTEN FAMILY

So look at me and tell me what you see
The day my daughter Michelle died
You weren’t to be found as this
Family went on a bus trip that was more
Important than my daughter Michelle
She was only 17 years old
So look and tell me what you see
I cry for my mother that day but she was not
To be found
So look and tell me what you see my rotten
Family
What all of you will see is my heart been torn
Apart
I don’t know why you all are like this to my daughter
This family of mine
Mother you don’t care, never did even when she was he
You never sent birthday cards or spoke to her
The day Michelle died you were all laughing
And having fun on the bus trip
Why my world was torn apart it was people in my
Street that took cared of me that day of hell
So look family what do you see?
I hope you never sleep with a clear mind again
And see that day in your head like I do every night
So look at me and tell me what you see
All I ever wanted that day was to be loved by my mother
But all she could say was see you later she could never
Loved me in the past but for one day I thought she could
Oh mother and you my rotten family just look and see
What have done, you all made me feel alone if it wasn’t for my husband
And my other daughters Thresea and Rachael and Kelly and my sons
Michael and Craig they try so hard to make me feel that life is worth living
I love all my children but the day I find my Michelle my live just sank the
Family I made it falling apart I screen not one of my girl s have gone but no
One could tell me why
Love Janice Thomas

A Thousand Words

A thousand words won't bring you back, we know we 've tried
Nor will a million tears, we know because cried
Precious are the memories, we never wanted memories
We only wanted you, though nothing is more beautiful, than the thoughts we have of you
You were someone special and God must have thought so too
As years passed us by, we still don't have the answers why
Locked in our broken heart you will stay and as we sit and think of you
The memories come flooding through as we laughed and the tears that were shared
Just showed us all how much we cared, as our hearts break in two.
We send our love to heaven, to you my Michelle.
I miss you so much if I could be with you I would Love
Mam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Michelle, love Mam

Janice Thomas

Her Smile

Her Smile is in the summer
her grace is in the breeze
She did not leave, she has not gone
'tis only we that grieve
It doesn't take a special day
to bring you to our mind
A day without a thought of you
is very hard to find
No longer here in our lives to share
but in our hearts you're always there
The parting and the heartaches
no one can heal
But the memories are for safe keeping
so no one can steal

Love Mam
Miss you, xxxxxxxxxxx

My wee sister Claire

What can you say about my wee sister,
Everything about her was just so good,
We can cry about how much we will all miss her,
Or we can remember her the way that we should.
Always smiling and having fun,
Even when her head was in a book,
Daddies girl and best friend to her Mum,
Even when she gave that ‘shut up’ look,

She always left me with no comeback,
As she was the quickest for the one liner,
A sense of humour she did not lack,
In fact it couldn’t be finer.

We always had a laugh together,
Keith, Claire and me,
Usually slagging off each other,
Jokes that were only funny to us three.

She was just starting to grow into a young lady,
And her good looks just kept blooming,
Stuart knew he was lucky with his ‘baby’
And marriage it seemed was looming.

So I ask you please not to cry or despair,
Instead remember the good memories,
Of my wee sister Claire.

Chris Baldwin 20th June 2003

Claire

Claire

I tired to think of some funny stories about Claire and jokes we shared. But, I realised only me and her found them funny most of the time. I’ve never shared a closer bond with anyone more than I did with my sister. Having an identical sense of humour was just part of it.
Now I realise it wasn’t just me that had times like this with Claire. A lot of people did. That was just one thing about her - the way she could involve someone so much, that they felt totally on her wavelength.
People say that Claire died when she was just getting started, she was only 18. She was just about to start university. She had it all in front her.
But, it’s not all such a bad thing.
On June 10th when Claire walked up that road for the bus. She was happy -she was content with her outlook -The way things were going. And that was where her life ended.
So, yes it was too soon - for us - less time for us to spend with Claire. But, for someone to die at the stage in their life that Claire was - no heartache-no boredom-no misery just happiness and optimism.
I loved Claire and I loved the way she lived her life. She was honest, positive and happy.
Claire’s an inspiration to me and I think to other people as well. And I reckon that’s what she would like - to be remembered not for the premature end to her life. But for the happiness and inspiration she left behind.

Keith Baldwin 20th June 2003

Don't tell me

Don't tell me you know how I feel,
You haven't walked in my shoes.
Don't tell me I have other children to love,
That won't bring back the daughter that I lost.
Don't tell me to get out of the house,
Maybe I just want to stay here and mourn
for my lost daughter.
Don't tell me it will get better,
From my point of view it will never be better.
Don't tell me it could be worse,
How much worse could it be.
Don't tell me to trust in God,
I do trust Him and love Him,
That won't bring my daughter back
Don't tell me to eat and take care of myself,
Maybe I don't care about myself right now.
Don't tell me to try and get some sleep,
Don't you think I would love to sleep?
Don't tell me all this,
You have'nt walked in my shoes.
Do tell me you care.
Do tell me you love me.
Do tell me you will be there if I need you.
If I need to just talk to call you.
Or better yet, you call me.
Just listen, that's all just listen.
Do let me cry.
Do let me mourn.
Do let me experience this
terrible loss that feel.
Do pray for me
That is all I ask.

Janice Thomas

Another Year

Another year has come,
and you, so far away from me now;
But in my heart still.
Forever, I will hold you close.
Each smile, laugh and tear I've cried
a testament to your presence.
I will always love you,
No matter what happens.
Your death can not seperate us.
I'm right here, loving you as always.
My heart is true and strong.
I will never forget your spirit.
I am no longer afraid.
To live or die is the same for me.
You are with meon this journey.
I raise your light to the heavens, and smile.

For Michelle

Janice Thomas

I Dreamed Last Night of Heaven

I dreamed last night of heaven
As I followed you there
I felt your presence, heard yout heart,
I almost touched you hair.

I remember crying
Just because I missed you so
Though I was right behind you
I didn't want you to go.

I begged for a reminder
To help me see your face
A thing to hold and touch
But it left an empty place.

I looked for you in everything
I asked for you by name
I know that you were with me there
I'll never be the same.

I dreamed last night of Heaven
I ache for one more glimpse
Of the love I felt while near you
And the beautiful heart I miss.

For Michelle

Janice Thomas

Michelle I miss you so

They say there is a reason
and time will always heal
But neiher time nor reason can change
the way I feel
We want to tell you some thing
with out any doubt you are
wonderful to remember but
so hard to be without
So gentle jeaus up aboue tell my Michelle we love her and give her a hug
love Mam
Janice Thomas

For Elizabeth

Where has she gone, that daughter of mine
Who we all loved so much.
No longer able to see her smile
or feel her loving touch.

But she is with us all the while
watching what we do.
And if you want to talk to her
she'll be listening to you.

She is the flowers and the trees
the soft and gentle summer breeze.
She is the rainbow in the sky
snowflakes falling, soft and white.

She is the stars, the sun, the moon.
Why did she have to go so soon.

So grieve for her, and cry some tears
but don't always feel sad.
We've lots of happy memories
and for that we should feel glad.

And so in time we'll talk of Liz
with a smile, and even laughter.
For now she's safe in heaven above,
and happy ever after.

words

11/03/04

Anger, distressed, jealous, messed, distraught, no motivation
Denial, annihilation, tearful, uncontrollable, pain, drained
Menaced, guilt, lonely. Maimed
No future, no gain, never ending endless strain
No focus, bad, jilted, abandoned, misunderstood
Tears, afraid, meaningless, sinking in mud
Sad, emptiness, stress
Outrage, frustration, pointlessness, torment
Anguish, suffering, torture, sorrow
Anxiety, heartache, heartbreak, worry
Need, want, cries, wails
Leave, cast aside, bitterness, spite
Hole, terrified, desolate, bare, bleak
Miserable, unhappy, blue
Suicidal, self destruction, perplexed
Lost, forlorn, depressed, empty without you
In other words Julian, I miss you

Is this a lesson?

01/04/04

Tear drops arrive like morning dew
As I sit and wonder what to do
Thoughts race through my mind
Answers to why I can not find
I try to calm my mind by finding a focus
Yet thoughts still fly round like screaming locus

Feelings of punishment – did this happen to me or to you
Finding as many reasons to see me through
Trying to live, like a new born child
Yet as helpless as scared as if parents have left me behind

I feel like a baby, my adulthood removed
As being a mother proved me mature
I can find no strength to turn the next page
I am stuck on page one, not wanting to turn to two
How will I get through without you

I am scared of decisions, of making choices
As I sit and hear others suggestive voices
Back to age one, just learning to walk
A whole new personality needs to be formed

Did this happen as a lesson for me or for you
I need to find some sense in what I am going through
You did what you needed to do
Now I need to find the reasons to decide what I need to do
What can it be, I have no clue
Feeling I can’t do anything again without you!

Pain

Pain
17/03/04

I’m trying so hard at the moment to make others understand
It’s not because you’re dead that I can’t stand
At the moment it’s your pain, that as a mother, to know your fears
It hurts too much and this is why I can’t stop the tears

I did not know because you did not show
How hurt and confused, how you could see no way through
How much you wanted to go, no life no more

If you had died by accident or because of another
I could think of you happy, with a future…..no bother
But because you chose your death, I have to realise your pain was immense

If you bump your knee………….I felt it
If you cut your hand………………I did to
If you had asthma…………………..I could not breath
If you cried…………………………….so did I

Now I sit and imagine your bottomless pit you felt you were in
The only escape was to check out, with no trace
Now I picture you face, leaving our home, to walk alone, the outcome unknown
How brave of you, yet as a mother I feel you could of looked at other options
I cant bare to realise your pain, as you decided you would not see anyone again
This must of added pain to your already unbearable strain
I find it hard to know you felt this way, when you died…………. I died to
Julian, I just can’t deal with the emotional pain you must of gone through

If only our children were Easter eggs

IF ONLY OUR CHILDREN WERE EASTER EGGS

.....by Christine Ross in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

If only our children were Easter eggs,
Hidden safely in the grass,
We could search for them and pick them up,
And hold them within our clasp.

We'd have a heavenly Easter egg hunt,
All with baskets in our hands,
Searching with a broken heart.
Only WE can understand.

"Oh, look I found your child over here",
"Hey, did anyone find mine?"
They are so beautifully colored,
And they sparkle and they shine..

These aren't your usual Easter eggs,
They each have their own special glow,
That comes from way down deep within,
Only a grieving parent would know.

We gather up our special eggs,
With excitement all around,
For the gift that we've been given,
For the treasure we have found.

We all now stare with wonderment,
At our children that have died.
We want to hold them once again,
And release them from inside.

But we all begin to realize,
We have to crack their beautiful shell,
The one that, makes them sparkle and glow,
The one they have earned so well.

We know we can't destroy their beauty,
And take them from their place,
So we give them an understanding kiss,
As a tear runs down our face.

One by one we take our baskets,
With our beautifully colored eggs,
And place them gently in the grass,
As we turn and walk away.

We look back in amazement,
As our eggs begin to sing.
We see them flutter and move about.
"Look, our eggs all now have wings."

Then the Golden Egg begins to speak...
"Your children are safe with me."
"You'll be with them when the time is right,"
"Together for all eternity."

We stand their in a circle of love,
As we look up to the sky,
Watching our radiant eggs take flight,
Knowing our children didn't die.

© 2003 - Christine Ross

i hate you so much

i hate you so much
and yet you dont realise
you think your lifes perfect
i'll end it for you
bang bang
its all over
still think your lifes perfect?

dear son

Dear son, dear sweet soul,
god has beckoned you away,
you've passed into the silence,
but how near you seem today!
you haunt the shadows of the house;
i pass you on the stair, i meet you in the garden,
you are here and everywhere.
though your homes in heaven now
we're never far apart,
the fragrance of yoy memory lives on within my heart.
much do i remember when your childhood i recall,
how special you always were to me,
the greatest friend of all,i believe god lets son's hover near-
when their families are in danger, doubt or fear-
for often when i'm feeling sad,
a light breaks in the gloom-
and i swear there is an angel somewhere in the room.

Gods Lent Child

Written By: Edgar A. Guest


(From "All In a Lifetime"--Copyright, 1938)

We remember you every hour of everyday James
And feel that you know and share with us.
Eternal Love and Hugs across the clouds
Mum, Dad, and Miles


"I'll lend you for a little time a child of Mine," He said,
"For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he's dead,
It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and shall his stay be brief
You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.

"I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true
and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain,
nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?"

I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, Thy will be done."
For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may
And for the happiness we've known forever grateful stay;
But shall the angels call for him much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

The Young

The Death of the Young

People ask: "Why do children or young people die, when they have lived so
little?" How do you know that they have lived so little? This crude
measure of yours is time, but life is not measured in time. This is just
the same as to say, "Why is this saying, this poem, this picture, this
piece of music so short, who was it broken off and not drawn out to the
size of the longest speech or piece of music, the largest picture?" As
the measure of length is inapplicable to the meaning (or greatness) of
productions of wisdom or poetry, so - even more evidently - it is
inapplicable to life. How do you know what inner growth this soul
accomplished in its short span, and what influence it had on others?

~from Spirtual Life Cannot be Measured by Tolstoy

Five Months Off

It’s five months off since he was killed
I can not say five on
I’ll do that when my soul is filled

It’s hard to eat, it’s hard to swallow
my throat’s so dry so tight
and I know inside that I am hollow

I’m so sick of feeling so sick
I wish that I was normal
Can’t be, I know, I am so very thick

My life has stopped still
I’m sure I know you all know
deep down inside, there’s that bitter chill

It’s a chill that’s cutting me in half
and half and half and half again
It’s so pathetic even I think I could laugh

We used to laugh, we laughed & cried
we’d hug and kiss, and tell some jokes
then he went out and then he died

I’m left alone with memories sweet
& the sour one’s in the mortuary
but in his coffin he really did look neat

With his shirt & jumper wearing his poppy
some pictures of Ben lay upon him
and that beautiful black hair so floppy

In the room with the subdued light
helped hide the scars
and broken bones of his last flight

Trust him to crash at such a speed
him so full of beer, drugs, pills
and of course the dreaded weed

He didn’t know what hit him
were police words meant to cheer
after that big Volvo his chances were so slim

Declared dead they said, at the scene
no resuscitation for my little boy
while I at home were in a bad bad dream

Waiting for him to come home well
he took the car without permission
mind you I was going to give him hell

The police they came with news to break
he knelt on the floor and held my hand
he then spoke and gradually I began to shake

Insurance is not sorted out still
funeral balance yet to pay
the nightmare is me crawling up a wet & slimy hill

I want to work, I really do
but when I’m there the waft of exhaustion
comes without warning and picks upon you

It exhumes your very darkened soul
I am so worried about my job
I feel I could even end up on the dole

My Mum thinks that I am weak
my brother he does too
it is only with you that I dare speak

Only with you I feel I can open my heart
and tell you how I feel
you all know as you have also played, this part

He is at peace now and has been all along
ashes in his chosen spot by stream
and tree at home with lot’s of bird song

Where is my peace my new life
does it have to be so painful
or God must I forever live in strife ?

Five months after the death of an only child,

Margaret Smith-Roberts

11.04.2000

My Lost Heir

From the minute you were born
From the moment you were there
I always called you, Richard
My only child and heir.

After such acute pain
I knew you would be just one
And I’d leave you everything
On the day that I was gone.

I said at first I didn’t like you
That really was not true
I disliked the pain you caused
And I worried how I’d care for you.

You were very bright, handsome too
I’d show you off within the pram
All dressed up in your very best
At clinic around you they would cram.

You were put outside to sleep
In rain & hail & always snow
We checked that you were warm
Fresh air gave you such a rosy glow.

Such a nice fresh complexion
And a wide infectious smile
When you were small, in pram
In pushchair we walked many a mile.

They said you’d been here before
Soon you’d laugh, talk & walk & run
You learned to ride a bike
Make friends, jump & have lot’s of fun.

You were so very articulate & clever
You Nana helped us with this
Questions from the moment you woke
How does it work & what the ‘hell’ is this.

A real bad temper you did have
But you had a spirit of your own
Loving to play outdoors in the dirt
Never wishing to come back home

You thought you were Steve Austin
A real million dollar fan
I knit you a Starsky & Hutch cardigan
Because you wanted to be a man.

An archaeologist you thought you’d be
Or in the Army you would go
Later you got confused
And then you really did not know.

Life was one big game for you
From nursery up to school
For such a very clever boy
You started acting being a fool.

If ten of the boys did something
And you followed them along
It was always you they caught
Only you they told were in the wrong.

You always had some mates to stay
You were a damn good friend
Nana & me took up the cost
Our housekeeping we’d stretch & bend.

Helping build a Seaman’s Mission
While learning to be a bricklayer
You were presented to the Princess Royal
Whilst becoming a good team player.

Trying for the Army with my permission
You were just coming from your test
A friendly padre from the Navy, paid
First Class for you to talk & rest.

On the day that you were Christened
A big blizzard it did blow
17 years on driving to the station
To the Army, in an awful lot of snow

You passed out some months later
A proud & handsome sight
Royal Artillery, 4 Field Regiment
In Osnabruck, to your delight.

In Germany with mates anew
With the big 109 gun
You learned to drive & drink & ski
Most of all having lots of fun.

A tour of Northern Ireland
In South Armagh did stay
Loving the people & all the views
God’s own country you had to say.

Manoeuvres over in Canada
Then a holiday in the USA
But the Gulf war had started
So they took your guns away.

Months & months of boredom
Which led you so astray
I think it was at this time
Drugs became a apart of your day.

You could hack it for no longer
Random tests were starting there
You bought yourself out of the Army
And lost more than a good career.

Many years spent wandering
Between Germany, London & home
Looking for some niche in life
That you could call your own.

You liked to be so active
Liking the outdoor life
But drugs were never far behind
They would always cause you strife.

As is was, the night you died
They played a real big part
Your downfall helping others
Your death gave me a broken heart.


Margaret Smith-Roberts

20 October 2000

My Son Has Died

It was eight months & three weeks after his death that his inquest was held. And now I have nothing.

He died & I had to go & identify him on my own, alone & come home to an empty house. He died & I had to break the news to my mother, my brother, my work and to his friend’s.

He died & I had to choose an undertaker & talk to them. He died & I had to decide what was to happen at his funeral, the music to be played, the flowers, & I had to bear the cost.

He died & I had to go thr
ough an opening/closing inquest.
He died & I had to say what I wanted him to wear at the funeral home, I washed them & ironed them.

I held them close & touched them so much. I smelled his smell on them even though they were freshly laundered. As if I was trying to breath his breath. Or perhaps breath life back into him.

He died & I had to go to the funeral home & tell them to take off some make up because it was nice of them to spare me, but wrong to change him so much.

He died & I had to go to his funeral & say hello to all those that came & invite them back to our house. I had to decide what we ate, drank & tried to set the scene of conversation & mood.

He died & I had to say where his ashes would go. This was easy as it was his wish but it was a pretty inaccessible spot. It was also illegal I think without permission but I did not care.

He died & I had to wait all this time for his inquest. He died, I know because I sat through a two and a half hour inquest & because I now have his death certificate.

He died, so, now what ?? I have lost the control !! I have lost Him **

Margaret Smith-Roberts

** The first birthday of my son, after his death.

21.08.2000

My Son You Told Me God Did Everything

You told me God made everything, you said that this was true
So, was it he made time, my dear, or were you lying too.


‘Co’s if it was he that did this, then why can he not do
The very thing I want him to, to turn back time for me & you.


Just for one minute, so you my son you would have a chance
To stay awake and miss the car, that took away your last drugged dance.


If I could beg, and I really do, most nights when I talk & pray to you
Perhaps five seconds would be enough, to change my point of view.


You said, my son, that God made everything, you said that this was true
So was it he that made the time, or were you lying too.

Margaret Smith-Roberts
12.08.2000

My Managers Are Ducks

My managers Are Ducks


My dear son Richard was an only child, the only one of mine
He was killed instantly in a car crash, in November ‘99

After 3 weeks I tried to work, to fully earn my pay
Paid in full, but at first, worked for only half a day
My managers wanted me to be quickly back to norm
They ganged up-on me, to manipulate me to conform

They asked me to regulate my time I regret to no avail
The harder I tried, then the more I knew, that I would fail
They thought that this was just a game that I would play
To have a lazy sedentary life, having all of my own way

They met with me in strong teams of two to four
The intimidation of these meetings has made me feel so raw
They say they want to help me, and understand they really do

One had a pet pubic lice, caught in his zip & it was cut in two
This makes him understand my needs, my broken heart as well
Without his pubic louse, no doubt, his balls began to swell

He understands my pain, he will say it so sincere
His words go inside of one, and then out of my other ear
These insults they have put to me, are really quite bizarre
And make me sick, make me mad. Ignorant, yes, they really are

One told of his favourite wood louse, named him Hairy Tubby Tim,
Caught in the lid of his jam jar, is now called the Slimy, Slimmer Tim

Another had a slippery worm, called Freddie McCldowned
Caught in a bad rain storm, now Freddie’s gone & drowned
All of this then goes to show, my non monopoly on grief
These people have felt it too, I am not alone, or a ‘grief thief’

But they sit around to display their power & display their might
And criticise me for my loss of sense & reason & of timings tight
Wanting me to conform to things that are so hard for me as yet

Threats of final warnings, because my grief’s not sorted yet
Grief should just be like a cold, have it for a few weeks & then it’s old
Forget the pain, the spasms of fear, get on with life, adjust and be bold


I am sad, that’s what I now say, I am examined each & every day
Paranoia has now set in, now unable to cope with any affray
I am sad and still in pain, under threat of job with nothing I can gain
Still they push me further all the more, despite claims of refrain

I try and try, and then try again, making sense of all the pain
My managers are not reasoning or forthcoming, it’s all in vain

Another meeting, another victim, me, to be swayed & feel so lacked
They sit there like ducks going quack, quack, quack quack quack


Margaret Ann Smith-Roberts

06/03/2001

The Jugger- Then the Dog Food Had to go Out Again

The Jugger


Then The Dog Food Had to Go Out (Again)


Since my sad loss very strange things now occur
As if the death suppresses my brain from being there
I’ll forget to do things, like open post & pay my bills
Now I am really in the poo, being left without my frills

And yet I carry on & those outside know nothing’s wrong
Despite a promise to myself to become King Kong
Very sad to do be like this, yes I know it is not good
Then there is also the war I fight, with the old dog food

I bought kid’s T shirts which were whisked away
I’ve looked everywhere time & time again since May
Taken by the fairy, where in my kitchen he does live
That fairy he did take them, & back to me he will not give

Then there was the garlic crusher, gone without a trace
The fairy is called Jugger, & I call him to his face
But I was not to be beaten, and found it, Oh yes I did
His mission’s to hide my possessions, the stupid manic id’


He hides things & blames me, wanting me to look queer
Until we talk of dog food, & I mean this quite sincere
But I fight the war & it’s he who doesn’t look like sugar
He really makes me mad, that sneaky little bugger

I come in from work & wonder what the awful smell can be
Then I think of Jugger & what he’s doing to me
I look around & find some dead things in the fridge
But my tiredness comes upon me & I really do not budge

Little Jugger he does not care what smell’s I have to face
Except for those in the fridge, I’ve put him in disgrace
I come in from work & have to smell them all up front
But I don’t open that door, so do not pursue his hunt

But things they get upon me, & hit me in my face
You must think me awful, this is a deep disgrace
Jugger gets on top of me to send things up my nose
And now it is the dog food a pulling at my hose

Who invented cheap baked beans, only 9p for a can
I’ll eat them for breakfast as I’m not their biggest fan
I can not eat a full tin to myself you see
So take half from the pan, & leave the rest to be

Jugger comes into my kitchen just as the beans get cold
He uses super glue to cover them with a dirty smelly mould
He casts another stupid spell and before too very long
The first that I will know, is another bloody kitchen pong

I sometimes ask my Mother here, thinking to be nice
Those mouldy pans are always, cleaned up in a trice
I get it in the neck mind, she whinges & she’ll moan
But she always cleans the cooker, before I take her home

You ask about the dog food, now what’s the problem here
Nothing really, well nothing too severe
He’s very old you see, & can’t always eat a tin
It goes off, so bowl & all, I’ll throw into the bin

I am known at the local shop, they see me with my pet
Now they’re suspicious on the number of bowls I get
This can’t go on forever, Jugger has to go
I can’t keep buying bowls, simply out to throw

It’s his fault all this happens, the food that just goes off
Perhaps it’s not smoking that has given me my cough
I’m going to be strong, put him out of reach
Get him with the 99%’er, that well known household bleach

I know what you are thinking, It’s that I am very sad
That this is all made up & I am going very mad
That it’s my laziness & apathy that causes this to be
But trust me it’s the Jugger that is haunting me

With him my war does rage, I’ll beat him yes I will
He gives me someone to fight when my home life is so still
It’s better that I’m angry with him & not my loved one lost
At least with Jugger, dog bowls & are my only bloody cost

Margaret Ann Smith-Roberts

07/10/2000

Mile After Mile

Mile After Mile

Mags Smith-Roberts 22/07/2000

My heart just aches
My whole body breaks
My mind filled with lead
My soul is still dead

I just want what’s mine
I want to stop time
I want no more pain
I want you home again

Life, this is not fair
Love lost in the air
Lord please leave me be
Life just set me free

Even now I still weep
Every night, yet no sleep
Every meal not really tasted
Ever, forever, Your life wasted.

OUR BEAUTIFUL ANGEL

OUR BEAUTIFUL ANGEL
WITH GOLDEN HAIR
EYES SO BLUE
WE SHALL ALWAYS BE SO PROUD OF YOU

WITH TINY HANDS
SKIN LIKE A PEACH
PLEASE DEAR GOD
HER SOUL DO KEEP

WITH AN ENDLESS SMILE
AND CHECKY GRIN
BLEST BY ANGELS
YOU,LL NEVER SIN

KEEP HER WARM AND SAFE
AWAY FROM HARM
UNTIL THE DAY WE EMBRACE IN ARMS

WE WILL ALWAYS BE HER WITH YOU EMMA
LOVE MUM AND DAD

MORNING WILL COME

B roken hearted...........How can I bear the pain? So many plans.............permantly interrupted. So many dreams............shattered. Hopes............dashed.All gone. Why? Why this? Why us? Why me?. Helplessness...........Hopelessless. Life will never be the same again, is it even worth living? Where are you God? I am right here besides you my child even though you may not feel my presence I am holding you close under the shadow of my wings. Iwill walk with you through this dark night. Do not shrink from weeping, I gave you tears for emotional release. Do not try to hide your grief, let it become for you a source of healing, a process of restoration, For I have planned it so. Those who mourn shall be blessed. I will be holding on to you, even when you feel you cannot hold on to me. Seek my my face, child of mine recieve my promise, impossible as it may seem now, that joy will come in the morning. It may take much time, but I will heal your broken heart. I know the night seems endless BUT MORNING WILL COME I HAVE PROMISED.

MORNING WILL COME

Broken hearted..........

The Parents worst nightmare

Theres a shadow on my shoulderm on my shoulder
that steals part of my soul
bit by bit it takes my energy,never leaving me alone
At first i tries to fight it,i resisted it for years,until the emptiness inside me drove me crazy with my tears, at times i have embraced it, for the comfort of my grief had come so familar i could not envision a release, like a cloud of empty promises it covers me in grey numbing me with sadness draining colour from my day, the shadow of depression lurks dark upon my soul my wall of pain is standing tallwhile i shiver in the could

I Have a Dog Called Grief

After all I have been through, I learn now what stands beside me
It is a dog called GRIEF, by my side he will not leave
He came to bite me one dark Nevember eve
Two cop's brought the bite to say my only child was dead

He's there in waking hours & mostly he makes me weep
For one long year, I did not know his name
At first his presence brought only shame

I understand now who he is, the consequence of his ID
His monopoly is not mine, my sons life just not to shine
He belongs to all of us, so we know now who we should 'cus
An expert on grief I am really not, I learn at a slow pace
I suvive to go to work, to be trash there is my cost
I was blessed by a counellor called kate
Six sessions were my only negate

I need another six, and then six more
But NHS costs have to bear the brunt
Six strikes then it's over
The NHS will end the hunt

I need to learn how to handle the dog, control & manipulate
Him to perform with what I want
To do my command, & conform at my managers demands
Tame the beast & get on with your life

That's what they say & how I feel
They do not know that he was my life
The reason I lived for 28 years
The reason I was here was to be his Mum

The dirty, filthy dog foamed at the mouth, teeth long & white
Snarling and knawing at my flesh, tearing my soul apart
Leaving me for dead, but it was not me that did depart?
The dog was cruel & bad & left me so totally sad

He was a huge monster beyond belief
Stealing my son's life just like a thief
The bastard has run away, I know he will get ME one day
He is the hound that comes in the dark of night
Just to glimpse him, would be a fright

Mad rabid dogs who plague us all, Take away those
Those who mean to us all
They ravage souls & families too, roaming in the dark
Leaving us weak, vunerable & bereft

I first met him one dark Nevember Eve
Two traffic cops came to visit me
Pain as yet unable to perceive
Told my only child was dead you see

It's sixteen months since we met
I know I must start to train him
If only I could get him to a vet
Put him down, and then into a bin

He cannot leave me though you see
This is now my sad lifes desitiny
The only thing to do is train him see
Then perhaps he'll leave me be

my beautiful son

my beautiful son
our hearts are like stone
you've gone from thislife
we're leftso alone

to never see you again
see your smile from afar
feel the touch of your lips
never hear you shout Ma

but we'll gather solace
in knowing at least
that your once hurting heart
is now finally at peace

i miss you so much
my beautiful son
till we meet again
let his will be done

Today

Today I can't stop crying. It was Mother's Day at the weekend and my babies remembered me but all I could think about was you and the fact that Mum refuses to have contact. It's DJ's birthday this week and my heart is breaking with the loss of it all. I wish you were here. I want to scream and shout at your stupidity. Your pain is over; ours is going to go on forever. I know it's a bad day and tomorrow I'll be fine but my grief is choking me. I ache with sorrow and wish I could fix it. Even on a good day it never goes away. Sorry, bruv. xxx

mothers day alone

Julian I can’t express the pain I feel
The torment, upset it is just unreal
I can’t bear the day away from you
When other mothers have their children to see them through
Selfishly I think you should have waited
Given chances to those around
But whatever day you took yourself away
Would have left a mothers day without you
I will put previous cards on show
Trying to remember how last year they made me glow
Its 01:43am and I can’t stand the pain alone
It’s so depressing
I loved you more than life itself
I loved the air you breathed
No breath is to be taken by you again
Leaving a mothers day filled with pain
An empty space is where my heart was full
I can’t believe what you have done
Yet
Julian, I love you so, my honey bun x

To the daughter I'll never hold

Lara-Jean (I-VI)

I
Lara-Jean - our loved, lost child
We hurt, we bleed
Where only a month ago
You grew within us,
Where once we heard your thumping heart
It thumps no more
And we cry:
We cry for our child
We'll never know,
Our little girl
With cute, tight curls
And large brown eyes
Just like her mother's;
We cry for our child
Who should have discovered
The joy of living,
The joy of love,
Her first ride at the fair,
Now nothing's there -
Just pain where once you grew.
And I the father suffer
Like I were a mother
For I loved you child -
My vision's blurred with your blood.
I sit here by your grandmother's grave
Surrounded by the stones of numerous lives
Who have suffered throughout time
And I want to join them
There in the earth
So I feel no more pain
So I feel no more hurt.
How proud she should have been.

The same wind blows
The same trees quiver
As they did when cancer stole her
So much time has passed since then...
How I have grown.
My mother, my child
You are both lost
We hurt, we bleed
From the wound where you should be.

Lara-Jean, our loved, lost child
You are much loved
You are much missed.


II
Cool wind washes kisses on wings of summer's rays
Skims over sandy carpets, glides in on clouds of wishes
Past palms and thatch-eves bathing
Like hungry egrets thrusting
Into the throbbing coldness
Of a dull, spiked ache.

Hot air like magic fingers
Knead tortured crippled muscles
Enchanted sunbeams try to batter hatches locked with hurt
Wisdom's spirit rides the surf
Arm in arm with Mother Earth
Upon an ethereal blanket glowing
Enshrouding all within its reach.

Nakatchafushi - a song in whispers
Nakatchafushi - a song of pain
Nakatchafushi - my lost, dead child
Nakatchafushi - with you I lay.

III

Rush...hush...
Silver fingers roar
Then diminuendo
Gracefully tickle
The shore

Yesterday beneath a ceiling of palms
On hammocks we swung
The inky darkness above
Casting shadows
Between the spidery limbs
Of an unknown plant
And the ground,
I fell into the drunken stupor
Of a snapshot moment
Tranquility etched on my heart.

Today we leave a fairy isle
A hybrid creation of man and God
Not as nature intended
But beautiful still
Where man has wrought good.
And I fear the world of deadlines and pace
That stunts spiritual growth
Fear the return to pain
Of a child lost
To careless medics in airless coats
I pray to a God for the strength to cope
And wonder if He hears...

Yet I see Him in the silver fingers that roar
Then diminuendo
As they gracefully tickle
The shore
IV

Lara-Jean
You should have been born
This week
I should have held you in my arms
Smoked my fat cigar
Raised you in the air and cried:
"I name you Lara-Jean"
Like Kunta Kinte...
I should have been the delirious father
Who Cheshire cat-like
Beamed with imbecilic grin
Like the first time lover
Who pats every child's head
To whom even a skunk is fragrant

Shu... Sh...wash
Wash...hush...sh...woosh
Wave upon wave
Hush....hush.

Our cousin had a little girl this morning
You would have played with her
He holds her proud
As I should have held you
And the sadness drowns me.

Shu... Sh...wash
Wash...hush...sh...woosh
Wave upon wave
Hush....hush.

It's Zero Day
And I don't know
Where we go from here...

V
Lara-Jean
My child that should have been
Born today -
You who were in the hospital's care
Killed by a drug
Mistakenly administered.

Like a trapeze artist
Her blood pressure soared
My baby dead
My wife at death's door.

Not far away
Lies a mother and baby
A little girl -
Your cousin
Whose face I cannot bear to see
A reminder of what might have been
The world that you will never see
A child that will not know our love

Lara-Jean
I cry for you
Lara-Jean
Let the pain flee far
A child born of special love
We longed for you
We tried so hard.

The brandy does not numb my hurt
The ultrasound flickers before my eyes
My fully-formed daughter dead before me
Our howling echoes
Then silence
Too hurt to cry aloud
Like when a door crushes your fingers
And you can't make a sound.

I remember smashing my head against the wall...


The machine turned off
Clinically
With our hope.


VI

"It's Mel," said the voice over the entry 'phone
I could hear the baby gurgling
I was prepared.
Lara-Jean's cousin
Same sex
Same age
Same month of birth.
I looked at her
She looked at me
Here, nine months on
I looked at a child
And saw how ours would have been
Should have been.
I cradled her in my arms
And she looked at me
I looked at her.
As if for a second
She understood
Just a second;
The next uncomprehending.
I looked at proud dad
And happy mum
And the emptiness hit me again
Where you had died.
For just a moment
I understood why people stole new-born babies
From devastated mothers who wailing
Plead for their return on News at Ten,
Those baby snatchers who previously
Made me spit at the screen -
Lara-Jean

April's coming
And once again
I understand why it's
"The cruellest month,"
How well I know T.S's rain
That stirs dull roots,
The mix of memory with desire;
The forgetful snow that fed
A little life with dried tubers.

Through winter the crocus bulbs pushed through the earth
Mild days encouraged them to flower early
A hopeful omen thought I of fertility and birth
But April's near
And we are sterile.

We are hurt.

angel friends.

Special friends we never forget, footprints on our hearts are already set,
You don’t get as special as my brother Boo, the sweetest eyes, the cheekiest of smiles
We never thought we only have him for a short while, the childhood memories of a brother so sweet, the kind of guy you would love to meet, the break dancing, the BMX bike riding, my big bro guiding, watching my every move just to make sure my life ran smooth, now he’s gone and I don’t understand, why was he dealt this cruel hand, he stood up for what was right, he held my hand ohh so tight, we didn’t get to say good night, I miss my Bro ohh so much I miss his ways, his tender touch, up in heaven with friends galore, Chris and John father and son reunited again, Jamie, Dan, Mike, Roy and little Stu the youngest of the gang, all watching down from up above surrounding our lives and filling them with love, families torn apart, struggle to understand, all we want to do is reach out and hold their hands, look after our angels, fill them with love, coz they lost us too, the families they left will never forget, memories we hold so dear to our hearts, remember our angels smile at the sound of their names think of them happy and playing games,
I love my Bro and will never forget the smell of his aftershave, the baseball cap, little things that keep me sane, little things that help to ease the pain, its in my heart he will always remain, look after those angel friends dear Bro, keep them safe just as you did me when you were here. I love you Boo. Xxx

**********************************************

In loving memory of ;
My bro Ian Michael Lynes xxx , and his angel friends.
John Moses reunited with loving son Christopher Moses, xxx
Daniel Dennis. xxx, Jamie Macdonald. xxx, Michael Woodgate . xxx,
Roy Thornton. xxx, Stuart Weaver. xxx, R-I-P Angels xxxxxxxx

Love

Man starts war,
But can not end it,
Man is all ways fighting,
Because of this the innocent get hurt,
If man ould be friends,
Then every one would be happy not sad.

Kavana song - will you wait for me

I need to talk with you again
Why did you go away
All our time together, just feels like yesterday,
I never thought I'd see
a single day without you
The things we take for granted we can sometimes lose.
And if I promise not to feel this pain,
Will I see you again,
Will I see you again

Cause time will pass me by
Maybe I'll never learn to smile,
But i know I'll make it through,
If you wait for me.
And all the tears I cry,
No matter how I try.
They'll never bring you home to me,
Won't you wait for me in heaven.

Do you remember how it was,
when we never seemed to care.
The days went by so quickly,
Cos I thought you'd always be there.
And it's hard to let you go,
Though I know that I must try.
I feel like I've been cheated,
Cos we never said goodbye.
And if I promise not to feel this pain,
Will I see you again
Will I see you again

Cause time will pass me by
Maybe I'll never learn to smile
But I'll know i'll make through
If you wait for me Won't you wait for me
And all the tears I cry
No matter how I try
They'll never bring you home to me
Won't you wait for me
In heaven

Cause I miss you so
And I need to know
Will you wait for me.

d-side lyrics...real world...

Last night I dreamt you were lying beside me
I smelt the sweetness of your hair
You gently reached out to remind me
Of how it used to be
And I almost believed that this morning I'd find you still there


But here in the real world
I miss you madly
In the real world
I'm coping badly with losing you
What am I to do
Here in the real world
Without you

Last night I dreamt of a different ending
Everything just seemed to work out somehow
I saw that someday I could smile again without pretending
I was so sure I'd wake up and I wouldn't need you right now

But here in the real world
I miss you madly
In the real world
I'm coping badly with losing you
What am I to do
Here in the real world
Without you


Friends tell me I must not look back
There are silver rails just ahead on the track
And my stars say I'm getting over the fact that you're gone

But here in the real world
I miss you madly
In the real world
I'm coping badly with losing you
What am I to do
Here in the real world
Without you


I'm here in the real world
Without you.

**************************************
To my Bro Boo, The lyrics say it all, I love you bro, I miss you ohh so much, watch over your devestated mam and son connor, angel eyes. look out for john and chris for me, hope they've found eachother xx.

Victoria aged just 15 yearsl

i cannot bear an ocassion, its reminds me so much, you loved a birthday, chriatmas any time that you could could give, if only my darling this would make you live it is Mothers today and my birthday which you always made so special,it is nothing without you my babe. love you so much; i have learnt to day "Time is not a healer, but just a dealer. nothing could be more sincere, please victoria let me know you are with me, i need you so much

Victoria aged just 15 yearsl

i cannot bear an ocassion, its reminds me so much, you loved a birthday, chriatmas any time that you could could give, if only my darling this would make you live it is Mothers today and my birthday which you always made so special,it is nothing without you my babe. love you so much; i have learnt to day "Time is not a healer, but just a dearler. nothing could be more sincere, please victoria let me know you are with me, i need you so much

What makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today
I asked him, what makes a Mother, and I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby, this we know is true
But God, can you be a Mother when your baby is not with you?
Yes you can, he replied, with confidence in his voice
I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime, others for a day,
And some I send to fill your womb but there is no need to stay.
I just don’t understand this, God, I want my baby here.
He took a breath, cleared his throat and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you what your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile with other children and say
We go to earth to learn our lessons of love, life and fear,
My Mummy loved me so much, I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mum who had so much love for me,
I learnt my lessons very quick, my Mummy set me free.
I miss my Mummy so very much, but I visit her each and every day,
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow there I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear,
Mummy don’t be sad, I’m your baby and I am here.
So, my dear sweet, your children are ok,
Your babies are in my home and here is where they’ll stay,
They will wait with me until your lessons are all through,
And on the day that you come, they will be at the gates waiting for you.
So now you know what makes a Mother, you, it’s the feeling in your heart.
It’s the love you had so much of right from the start.
Though some may not realise until their time is done,
Remember all the love you had, and know you’re a special Mum.


This is dedicated to my beautiful baby son, Louis, 12th-14th July 2000. Also thinking of my mum who died in 1988. Love to my precious daughter Lydia. I love all of you and wish Louis and my mum were here to share our Mother's Day tomorrow.

Special thoughts to all on TCF, my other 'family'. Thanks for being there.

Love from Louise, Louis and Lydia. xxxx

Everwhere

Every flower that opens
Every bird that sings
Every ray of sunshine
Every snow flake from the sky
All the things around us
We notice everyday
All the worlds beauty
Is you just calling to say
I am here with you
Every single day

Hi Bruv

It's been 18 months since you left. I haven't got a clue how I've survived, but I'm still here. Sometimes, I even get sunshine through my cloud of hurt. Still haven't seen mum. She blames me 'cos of you. The old man comes out of prison in May. I did what was right, didn't I? The price was losing DJ though which hurts a bit. Life slowly goes on. I passed my exams; J is doing really well and so are your babies. I've met someone, Bruv. Actually, I've known him for years but he recently came back in my life. His mum killed herself when he was 6 so he knows what it's like to cope with the chasm of grief that death causes. I think I'm falling in love with him but it's too soon to start making big decisions. I just wanted to tell you, seeing as I have no one else. Give me your blessing, little bruv. I still miss you so much. Some days are better than others but it always hurts. Everyone has moved on now so my grief has become more quiet and private but it is like having permanent toothache! Watch over me, Sonny, please. You are my only blood. I wish I had a chance to say goodbye. Love and miss you still. J xxx

"Never Too Young" in Memory of Billy, by Mary M. Wygant of Cream Ridge, NJ, USA

Never too young to be with God,
Though it be a sorrowful day
For those on earth left alone and sad
To know he has gone away.
Never too young to be with God.
Just a little while ago
He came from God.
If God calls back the Loan,
It's surely better so.

What If I Promise You God??

God??
Will you listen to me?
What if I promise you
To try to do everything right
Would you let my son come back?

God??
What if I beg and plead
And never hurt another
Would you send my son home?

God??
What if I do all I can
To make other`s loads lighter
Would you take my pain and heartache away?

God??
What if I stop screaming
And remain very quiet
Will you give me back my son`s life?

God??
What if I silently listen
For the beat of my son`s heart
Would you start it again?

God??
Please, please
End this awful nightmare
Please bring my son back to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Angel

Dearest baby sis Lisa,

I didn't want your 20th anniversary to pass today without a special dedication to you. All the other years have passed and I never have done anything special. I remember this day 20 years ago so well. Mum screaming and holding you in her arms. You died of Cot Death aged 6 weeks. I was only 6 and ended up being the eldest of 3 and not 4 this day 20 years ago.

What makes me feel terrible is that Kevin died 2 years ago, another loss of a sibling. But this time it felt as though my heart was ripped out and I couldn't breathe anymore. I hope this is just because I'm older now. I feel bad about the massive memorials we put in the paper for him on his anniversary and his birthdays. We never do for you. I honestly think Mum and Dad thought that burying their head in the sand was the easiest way to cope when they lost you, they still had three young children to look after. I found it difficult mentioning your name, in case they got upset. But today I'm not. Today I want to tell you how much you're missed and how much I wish I had a 20 year old sister to be with.

All I was ever told was that you were an angel in Heaven because you had never sinned in this life and you were special and God wanted you. I'm pregnant now and I pray God never wants Sophie or this baby.

Lots and Lots of Love and Hugs and the hope that we meet again,
Your big sis,
Lucyxxxx

Mother, Please dont mourn me

Mother, please dont mourn for me
I'm still here, though you dont see
I'm right by your side each night and day
And within your heart I long to stay.

My body is gone, but I'm always near
I'm everything you see, feel or hear
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart,
As long as you keep me alive in your heart.

I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep,
And the beautiful dreams that come when you sleep
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face
Just look for me Mum, I'm every place.

today and tomorrow

I got a present today
Reminders of you, which I can put on the wall for all to view
A reminder of what you used to wear
A reminder of what you enjoyed to do
A reminder of what was important to you
And a piece of your hair I used to plait with such loving care

Today I have not wanted to speak
Just wanted to sit, to cry, to pine, I felt weak
I cried a lot, my head hurt too
Nothing to say, just wanted to sit and view
To look at all my photos of you, my poems for you and reminders of you
I remembered the times we went through
The good and bad, happy and sad
Oh, my love, how I miss you so bad

Again I hold on today and experience another tomorrow
It may be alright, it may be ok
A glimmer of hope in this endless sorrow
As I look towards and endure a grief filled morrow!

Acceptance today, maybe not tomorrow, but it’s so awful to say
But Julian if you felt this way
I don’t blame you for not wanting to stay
How awful these feelings,
How full this life is of emotional shit

I would never want you to feel this way
I always let you get your own way
Hard as it is to say
If your pain matches what I feel today
Then you have my blessing to have taken yourself away

I am just left with the grief of missing your face
I now will have to find my own place alone in this world
As I’m scared to follow in case I endure even more sorrow
So I sit and view my all my photos of you, my poems for you and reminders of you
And, again, tomorrow I will remember the times we went through
I love you x

Ode to Dylan

Ode to Dylan


When I was young and banged my head
My dad said to me, men don’t cry
When I was older and my first love broke my heart
My dad said to me men don’t cry
When my dad went away I remembered he said
Men don’t cry
As my children got older and hurt themselves
I said to them men don’t cry
Then Dylan was born
A grandchild of mine
A heart full of joy tears with tears in my eyes
But I remembered what dad said
Men don’t cry
Then he fell ill
But I still remembered that
Men don’t cry
Then he went away never to return
I remembered what my dad said
Men don’t cry
BUT NOW I KNOW
THAT’S A LIE

Its me i am here

Turn around it is me i am here
you know with me i am always here
Our minds are linked our souls are onethese ties of love will never come undon. each night when you are asleep in bed, i place a kiss upon your head'
You will always be my mother, dear
i have watched your pain with a silent tear
We are as we were before,nothings changed, there is no locked door. I am here just here my love is the same so smile for me and release the pain
The love we share goes on and on like sinrise into evensong. so turn around it is me i am here
Forever know that i am here

R.I.P DANI WADDINGTON XX

you arrived in style by horse an carrige
flowers lay
your favorite song playing
your picture held high
that innocent face
thats what you wanted heavans your place.
tears fell as you sliped away
ive never had to face such a heartbreaking day
i love you so much more than words can tell
its killing me Dani the way that you fell
bestest freinds forever an above
together we will be with ongoing love.
in loving memory DANIELLE WADDINGTON XX
26/6/87-16/11/03

Moving On

Standing by the slab of marble that signifies
who you were.
I reflect on things from the past.
The morning dew seeps through my summer
sandals, sending chills down my spine, memories
of you flood my mind.
Tears that i have been holding on to suddenly
begin to trickle down my face.
This peace of rock hardly gives your life enough
credit. Achievements, awards, and medals.
Always giving never taking.
"Friends Forever" late night phones calls,
campouts in the back yard.
The smile that can brightened anybody's day.
All of the success that your future held.
How could you have thrown it all away?
Life wasent really that bad. Sure you
had problems, but who didn't? Dont you see
I could've helped you. We always got through
everything together, fights, accidents, and
break-ups.
How do i live without my best friend?
As i read the inscription :
"SHE WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN"
Realization begins to set in. I will never see
you again.
But the memories, talking, laughing, sharing,
and cring.
Those are what i will carry with me.
Now, in turn, i can be what you were to me,
to someone else.

My Brother

To one who bares the sweetest name
and adds a luster to the same.
Who shares my joy, who cheers when
sad, the greatest friend i ever had.
Long life to him for there is no other
can take the place of my " Dear Brother".

dazzy b

you came to me when i needed someone
in my heart always there
but now you are gone

the last words you said was I LOVE YOU TOO
im without you now what will i do
i hope our baby boy made you proud
i know you didnt see him cos you wasnt allowed

the love that you gave us will never go away
it will stay with us forever
till we are together again one day


for darren who took his own life
we miss you

Walking with Grief

Walking With Grief

Do not hurry as you walk with grief;
It does not help your journey.
Walk slowly, pause often;
Do not hurry as you walk with grief

Be gentle with the one who walks with grief.
If it is you, be gentle with yourself
Swiftly forgive, walk slowly;
Take time as you walk the path of grief

Author Unknown

I can't rememember where I read this poem. Apologies if I read it on here.

Lorna

Forgotten

Happieness is a thing long forgatten
the worlds turned its back
her souls gone rotten

Tearsrun down her face
her body trembleswith fear
shes a lost case

Why do they care?
everythings gone wrong
it's too much for her to bare

With just one cut
her fate will be sealed
she'll be out of this rut

She places the knife to her wrist
she tries not to shake
this is what she wished

She hates the pain
all the tears shed
what has she gained?

She thinfks and hesitates
her soul so dark and bleek
but her heart radiates

I set down the knife
I think I feel joy
did I just save my own life?

How can that be?
I'm glad,
this isn't me

It's just a dream
I wake with a tear soaked pillow
I'm still a depressed teen

It's just not fair
happieness is a thing long forgaotten
Why does anyone care?

Gone

You look but don't see
You listen but don't hear
It's only me
No need to fear

How long have i slept?
Am I awake?
Why is my pillow wet?
And my limbs ache

I laugh but dont smile
I scream but don't feel
You fear all the while
You think you caould deal?

Try my life out for size
It hurts and is too tight
And filled with lies
Happyness never comes try as i might

Life is too long
and too short
It all seems wrong
I'm defencless in my fort

I can't remember
But can't forget
I feel cold as December
My eyes are wet

I feel passed by
And all alone
I don't understandwhy
I'm scared by your tone

Go away
Why don't you listen
Do i have no say?
And now your missing

And i'm alone again

mising you

so tired vicky, try to go on for the others, but want to undersatnd why you, my "lightf of my life, need you so much , so much love t o give you so much
love you my baby

lee

IF ONLY I COULD SEE YOUR FACE AND HOLD YOUR HAND IN MINE
IF ONLY I COULD SEE YOU LAUGH SO TALL SO DARK AND FINE
MY GORGEOUS SON ,A LOVELY SMILE HAS GONE OUT OF MY LIFE BUT,LEE I'LL MEET YOU ONCE AGAIN YOU MY LOVE ANOTHER PLACE ANOTHER TIME
FOR THE BOY HE WAS AND THE MAN HE BECAME ,MY DARLING SON LEE PETHERBRIDGE
DIED AGED 24YRS 2001

LOVE YOU, MUM X

RED ROSE

Thank you for the rose,
You gave to me that day,
It came to give me strength and hope
To help me on life's way.

It,s a symbol of the peace and love,
That one day will be mine,
To help me through these long dark days,
That stretch the sands of time.

It is only now i see it
The message through the air,
But dearest Luke my friend so kind,
You came to show you care.

So now i want to thank you,
As the vision is still there,
Of that sweet hand that held the rose,
So filled with love to share.

You were to shy to say your name,
Just a red rose from above,
So now i want to thank you, Luke,
Red rose so filled with love.

His Grave

The ground is hard and unforgiving
Bones lie decaying under a mound of earth
Uneven, the odd weed poking through
His resting place
But not mine

I stand so very still
Listening for any sign
For any sound
Of him

There is nothing
Ever
I am sad, bereft and disappointed
Again and again

Whoever would have thought
Not me
Never in a million years
The ground beneath my feet
Would steal, devour and imprison
My son

A life once vibrant
Now stilled
Silence whispers it’s eerie greeting
The world is a quiet place without him

TWO YEARS ...

Two years have gone, since you left this world,
On the wings of an angel off you flew, up in the sky
To beyond the blue, to a place full of happiness, a place full of peace,
No more hurting, no more pain, a head full of memories of your family hopefully remain, do you remember us as we do you, do you cry for us as we do you Boo.

Two years have gone since that terrible day, 25th February you went away, I remember the morning you came crying in pain, I never wanted to remember you that way, the happy smiling boo left that day, in so much pain and sweet memories of you will always remain.

Two years have gone since that day god saw you struggling and said enough’s enough, took your hand and led you away, to remain in his care until such day we all meet again, the pain we now carry within our hearts will remain with us until the end of time, our eyes cry daily, our hearts scream in pain coz our Boo went away.

Two years have gone and what have we learned, we’ve learned to cry,
We’ve learned that these tears will never dry,
We’re slowly learning to laugh and smile,
And how to face the day without your smiling face, but one thing we’ve learned is you our Boo we could never replace.

The memory of your face will never erase, your place in our hearts will remain always, we love you Boo and we miss you so, so how comes god choose you to go,
Was it your smile, or the way you loved us or was it god repaying us for all our wrongs, if this is so then he was so so wrong and ill never forgive him for what he’s done.

You’re a shining star, your our guiding light and I know when I pray, its your name I call late at night, we know your watching down on us, as we look up for you, I still cant believe we lost our dear Boo.
Sweet dreams in heaven Boo Boo, always remember just how much we love you.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My Son Won't Talk

My son won’t talk
“Don’t worry they all go through that phase.”
He sits in his room and won’t come down
Doesn’t bath, doesn’t shave and the awful music that he plays

He used to go out drinking with his friends
They took the car to Reading. Got the “shirts”
Now any invitation that they send
Rejects them all – no matter who he hurts

My son won’t talk ...

He’s got a job now working every night
The money’s rolling in. He’s making plans to travel.
Searching the web looking for a flight…
Something’s wrong He lets his plans unravel

My son won’t talk ...

He’s moved out now to live in Uni Halls
His room’s a box. No bigger than a cell
I sit at home just waiting for his calls.
His silence breaks my heart, I hope he’s well.

My son won’t talk ...

The year is nearly up, He’s coming back.
Before exams there’s time off for revision.
I’m worried that his work is not on track
Too much time spent watching television

My son won’t talk ...

The books he reads by Nagel and by Nietzsche
Are well beyond the brain of just a mother.
He needs to talk about them with a teacher
Instead he puts the burden on his brother.

My son won’t talk ...

How much he’s grown and changed in the last year.
I love the little fuzzy beard he’s grown.
No more need to worry, no more fear.
I’m sure he’s going to make it on his own.

My son won’t talk ...
.
He wants to drive the car. We’d love you to!
He should go out and rediscover friends.
Life beginning maybe a first lover?
This is how I wish my poem ends.

***

My son can’t talk
“Don’t worry, His decision has been made.
Keeps it to himself no hints betray
A false laugh, acting brave,.. In the silence will he be afraid?

She stood at the door …her uniform dark blue
“We’ve found a car” I think that’s what she said.
I saw her face and instantly I knew.
Oh God… You’ve come to tell me that he’s dead.

My son can’t talk
“I’m sorry “ I hear her through a haze
“He got in the car and just lay down …
Hosepipe, fumes … we couldn’t’ save” …
Oh the awful silence of the days.

I know now I was right to fear for you.
I did not understand how you were ill
What stress you bore to make your dreams come true
If I had listened to your silence, would you be here still.

My son can’t talk
“Don’t worry,” I should have checked on-line
“Statistics show young men are most at risk...”
By his grave. I weep for him, but all the blame is mine.

The Quiet Ones Need Watching.

Hell

My hell has no flames
or molton rock.
It's not filled with screams
or whispers or talk.

It has no lost souls
or broken homes.
No crying children
left all alone.

It has no steam
or smoke.
No weeping mothers
or helpless folk.

It has only me
and all is quite.
The demons live within my mind
with always a riot.

It has no light or dark
or happy faces.
No rainbows
or pretty places.

It is only a room.
It does not scorch or burn.
It does not freez or chill.
It does not allow me to grow or learn.

I see no colour
or black or white.
I am blind
my throat is tight.

Love does not exsist
or right or wrong.
No people or places
and time takes so long.

My hell is in my head
no one there but me.
It does not go away
no magic key.

In my hell there is only me.

don't want to miss a thing lyrics by Kiss

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
why do you smile why you are sleeping?
while you're far away and dreaming?
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender
i could stay lost in this moment forever
every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure

i don't want to close my eyes
don't want to fall asleep
cos i miss you Babe and i don't want to miss a thing
even when i dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do
i still miss you Babe and i don't want to miss a thing

lying close to you hearing your heart beating
and i wonder what your thinking
wonder if its me you're seeing
and i kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
i just want to stay with you in this moment forever..forever and ever

I don't want to close my eyes, dont want to fall asleep cos i miss you Babe and i don't want to miss a thing
cos even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i still miss you babe and i don't want to miss a thing

i don't want to miss one smile
i don't want to miss one kiss
i just want to be with you right here with you just like this
i just want to hold you close
feel your heart so close to mine
and just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time.

Two Years

It's been two years since that awful day
When you left without goodbye.
Your tortured soul still haunts my mind
As I ask over and over.......why?

That question will never be answered now,
Not here on earth I know,
One day perhaps, when we meet again
You'll know how I loved you so.

I wish you joy my precious child,
In your new world of peace and calm,
Restored to health in body and mind,
Rest easy Kirsty, my lamb.

HERE WITHOUT YOU (3 Doors Down)

I wanted you all to have these words every morning i play this song very loud and sing it to justin its like our morning thing my way of still being able to talk to him this past octobermy mother gave me a home movie from christmas '98 (23days before he died) Im so glad to have it because i only had three photos but i want to put it on a dvd with this song in the back ground it will be beautiful

Here Without You

A hundred days have made me older, since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
They disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there’s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that this gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there’s only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there’s only you and me

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
but tonight girl, there’s only you and me
Back

my sweet baby daughter

no one remembers,
I cannot say why
The only thing that im thinking
Is that nobody tried

You were mine, only mine
No one knew you like me
I dont know why he couldent
Just let you be

We shared so much
In our short time together,
And the time that we shared
Has made memories forever

So much i learned,
So much i lost-
Everything turned, toppled and tossed

Butterfly flutters, then turns
And kicks....
Then that sad day
You were taken away

Was my mind playing tricks?
No cry, no movement,
Not even a breath...
As you lay in my tummy
Perfect even in death

When i think of you now
At the age you would be,
A beautiful little girl
Is a child i can see

My angel you were
My angel you will always be
And one-
That is us;
you and me

Goodnight godbless, my little angel

suicide

11/01/04
Suicide

So many young children
So many lost souls
Did you feel so alone, like there was no where to go
No where to go to find understanding
Only one action to release the frustation
If only one action could have helped you stay, as easy as it was to take you away
Away from our home, away from my heart
Away from my love, why did we have to part?
I am a mother without a child!
How do I fill this void you left behind…?
The pictures, the memories are there in my sight
No form of your face with warmth and emotion
Just a silhouette of the once great love and devotion
Where do I go from here?
Where can I hide from all this longing pain inside?
I don’t know myself
I don’t know my future
I am lost and alone without you
No reason
No point
No life
Just
Nothing
A mother without a child

Goodnight my life
Goodnight my love
Goodnight to the box that holds my heart
For as long as God sees fit to keep us apart

When?

When will I wake without a broken heart?
When will mum stop blamimg me instead of you?
When will my tears and anger go?
When will I stop asking why?

18 months today you died; I am dying still.
I love you; hate you; miss you; need you.
Every day I remember you.

I am growing further away from you and I'm afraid to let you go. You are my only blood. Don't leave me, little bruv.

Only the good die young.....Queen Lyrics....

A hand above the water
An angel reaching for the sky
Is it raining in heaven -
Do you want us to cry?

And everywhere the broken-hearted
On every lonely avenue
No-one could reach them
No-one but you


One by one
Only the Good die young
They're only flying too close to the sun
And life goes on -
Without you...

Another Tricky Situation
A get to drowin' in the Blues
And I find myself thinkin'
Well - what would you do?

Yes! - it was such an operation
Forever paying every due
Hell, you made a sensation
You found a way through - and

One by one
Only the Good die young
They're only flyin' too close to the sun
We'll remember -
Forever...

And now the party must be over
I guess we'll never understand
The sense of your leaving
Was it the way it was planned?

And so we grace another table
And raise our glasses one more time
There's a face at the window
And I ain't never, never sayin' goodbye...

One by one
Only the Good die young
They're only flyin' too close to the sun
Cryin' for nothing
Cryin' for no-one
No-one but you

For Ian... Love you bro, miss you, xxx

my little sister kayleigh-marie

my little sister,we named you kayleigh-marie
you would have been 6 this year,
if all the if's,but's and may be's,
if only you were here to play with me,
and to see your baby brother now here with me,
but you were born asleep and not here to stay,
but don't worry little sis,your in my heart each
and every day.xxx

To Julian

Well, I went to sleep again on the sofa,
Your ashes and picture close to my heart, I fell into a deep coma,
No dreams of you, no memories clear,
Why is this life so unkind, to take away my life and soul and leave me far behind.
My cupboards of love are bare, my life has been wiped out,
Were you a dream…………or is this my reality,
Dare I dream of a future where smiles are in abundance and laughter is heartfelt,
Or will I go through emotions, like an actor on the screen….dare I dream……..
Julian, I wonder if you knew, if you could only see the pain, if you had the chance to do it all again………..
I wonder, would your decision be the same………………
My child, my love, I am left with nothing,
Would you allow me, your Mother to reduce my blame, by sharing with me your pain,
You never know…………………..you could have gained.
‘WHY’ is a question, so massive, so daunting and filled with raw pain.
‘WHY DID YOU LEAVE’ said again and again.
ANGER, HURT, PAIN concealed from others who cross my path, they say, ‘she seems ok’, ‘she is coping well, much better than expected’ does this mean I do not care, its my fault, useless as a mother, or are these my feelings because I could not follow you that fateful day…………………
No courage to die, no courage to live
So scared of dying, so scared of living
PLEASE just take me away………………Oh God, Please take me away, take me to my heart, life is too dark now we are apart.

A Child Loaned

A Child Loaned

"I'll lend you for a little time
A child of mine," he said
"for you to love the while he lives
and mourn for when he's dead
It may be six or seven years
or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back,
take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
and should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories
As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay
Since all from earth return
But there are lessons taught down here
I want this child to learn.
I've looked this whole world over
In my search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes
I have selected you
Now will you give him all your love,
Not think the labour vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call
And take him back again?"

I fancied that I heard them say,
"Dear lord, thy will be done,
for all the joy thy child shall bring
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we planned
We'll brace the bitter grief that comes
And try and understand."

i just thought it should be refreshed

special moments

Julian i wish you were here.
I miss you more each second i breathe.
I know you are now resting in pease, and i accept you are now free and released from lifes concerns.
Yet i still yearn to hear you voice one more time, to hear your laughter would fill me with sunshine for that moment.
Jan 7th 2004 the gates of heaven opened up for you.
Yet i dream i could go back to the day you were born, when the angels gave me love, and experience ALL the special moments, you allowed me to share, just one more time.........
but now i cling to the memories and would like to thank you for:
My pregnancy and the joy it gave me for life
The overwhelming feeling of love and devotion when you were born
Being the sleepist baby at night and the happiest in the morning
For your first everything, tear, smile, word, step, hug, kiss and laugh
For the memories of our holidays and days out where i could hear the sound of your laughter
For your first day at school
The spice girls routine
The practical jokes
The cuddles
Your dancing
All your many questions as you grew into a man
Your willingness to be open and share your life experiences with me
By always standing by your word and allowing me to trust your judgement
For all the fancy dress outfits we made together
For allowing me to kiss you good night every night....well most nights
For all the pictures you drew and allowed me to display
For your kind words
For the last christmas together, which you made extra special
For posing for the hundreds and hundres of photos i took of your precious life
For the cuppas when i was ill
For the CD's of your music, i finally got to hear and adore
And lately for your smiles, rare as they became, yet more precious they seemed because of it
For being tall, handsome, polite, kind and generous
But most of all......thank you for being in my life and allowing me to share 17 years 9 months and 13 days with the most amazing son anyone could ever wish for. You are still my heart and my strength. i love you x

Forgive Us

Forgive us David if we still weep
We thought that you were ours to keep
A beautifull boy more precious than gold
A son whose worth can never be told

A face we will always remember
A voice that we long to hear
A smile that we will always long for
Our son that we love so dear.

11 Feb 1969 - 28 July 2002

Soon be your 35 th birthday David, but forever 33.

God

When we're hurt and angry
To our terrible shame
We're always looking for someone
To carry all the blame
We blame the mother and father
Or even the prodical son
The sister, brother or daughter
The list is never done
But we should blame the lord above
For he shall not mind
He'd rather we blamed him
Than fellow mankind
So when your hurt and anger
Turns to hope and faith
You reclaim your smile
And hold it looking brave
Thank the lord God above
For ending your strife
And giving you the strength and courage
To get through the rest of life.

God

When we're hurt and angry
To our terrible shame
We're always looking for someone
To carry all the blame
We blame the mother and father
Or even the prodical son
The sister, brother or daughter
The list is never done
But we should blame the lord above
For he shall not mind
He'd rather we blamed him
Than fellow mankind
So when your hurt and anger
Turns to hope and faith
You reclaim your smile
And hold it looking breve
Thank the lord God above
For ending your strife
And giving you the strength and courage
To get through the rest of life.

Birthday Wishes to my Son

Birthday Wishes to my Son

Seventeen years ago today, I had my first-born child
A beautiful baby boy, the name we gave him "Callum"
The first grandson amongst five girls, special in everyway
What have we done to deserve this boy, our family use to say?

My boy turned into my best friend, Yes I boasted and rightly so
"That is my son Callum, look how he has grown"
So clever and talented, handsome and strong
Dignified and caring, loved by everyone

I tried to protect you and God how I tried
However, nobody expected this, you leaving in this cruel way
I can hear your voice like always, "Stop worrying Mam, I'll be okay
I'm a big boy now" you would say

I try to imagine what you would do, if this had happened to me
I want to be with you, but you would tell me "Look after the other two"
Our circle has been broken and will never mend
Until we are together my son and best friend

To my beautiful son Callum who tragically died 17/12/2003 aged 16
I love you so much
Mum

Free At Last

I want to run and
soar and dream.
Fly above the fields until
i am free.

No pain, no sorrow no fear
can touch me now that
i am here.

Breathe in the breeze and
feel the sun.
Across my face, i run and run!!

I dance around amoung the trees.
Alive! Alive! I breate with ease.
With legs so strong, i run so fast!!
The world just smiles as i go past.

Sweet laughter bubbles up in side,
For freedom long denied.
No tears , no pain are remembered here,
I've been released from all of my fear.

To run and laugh from this day,
Please believe me when i say,
All my torment has gone
clean away.

I am at peace with myself
from this day!
"I am free"

A Poem For Hannah

My beautiful and talented sister Hannah,
I love you with all of my heart,
I thought that as we grew up
we'd never be apart.

You are my eldest sister,
the one i looked up to,
now that you no longer here
i don't know what i am to do.

You made me laugh,
made me smile,
but sometimes made mecross for a while.

I'm saddened that we had to part,
you will forever hold a special place in my heart.

You are happy now,
and i am for you too,
the only thing left to say
is that i will always love you.

?????

" She knew not winter only spring
She trod the flowery april , blithely for a while
Took her fill of music, joy of thought and seeing.
She came, and stayed, and went and never ceased to smile .

R.L.Stevens
This was given to me by Dana's Paediatrician.

panic.........

IN A CIRCLE ROUND I WALK
SOME DAYS I HARDLY EVEN TALK
I COOK I CLEAN IN A DAZE
ROUND I WALK IN THAT MAZE

OH THE PHONE,PANIC NOW..
I NEED TO ANSWER..HOW
I CANT THINK WHAT TO SAY
BETTER TO WAIT ANOTHER DAY

WHAT WAS SAID I NEED TO REPLY..
OH MY GOD I WANT TO CRY
DONT BE DAFT THEY DONT WANT THAT
PUT ON A CT..TALK OF THE CAT.

THIS IS LIFE HOW IT IS YOU SEE
THEY WONT UNDERSTAND YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO BE
I WAS HAPPY ..I HAD A SON
NO SON..CANT BE A MUM

STAY INSIDE DONT GO FAR
AT LEAST AT HOME YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE
OUTSIDE IS SCAREY..ALL ALONE
WISH I HAD THE GUTS TO PHONE..

WILL YOU TAKE ME OUT A WHILE
O MAY REWARD YOU WITH A SMILE
IF BY CHANCE I HAVE A TEAR
WILL YOU HELP ME ,WILL YOU CARE?

MY HUSBAND IS BREAKING UP,SHOULD BE STRONG
HES NOT HE NEEDS HELP I SHOULD KNOW THE WAY
I DONT..I JUST GO THROUGH THE DAY
HOPING TOMORROW IT WONT START AGAIN........

~Jasmin*Jade*Marden~

Hold on one more day and don't let go,
you hurt the ones you love more than you know,
don't take yourself out of this world,
you were a bright and beautiful young talented girl,
I could've been the shoulder to cry on when you were down,
I would of been there before you hit the ground,
but you hit the breaking point and I can't turn back time,
but I wish I could've saved your life so this wouldn't haunt my mind,
crying all the time thinking what was in your head,
asking un-knowing questions of why are you dead,
I miss your smile and your laugh and the sound of your voice,
but you made an awful, heartbreaking horrible choice,
I wish I could of been there and be your blinding shade,
of all that made you feel so low, I miss you Jasmin Jade...



I love you and I miss and you sha'll always know... I will never forget our wonderful days... I wouldn't trade them for a thing...


Love always,
~Jessica~

~Gloreous*Sadness~

Days go by and your still on my mind,
thaughts of you pass away some time,
but I feel stuck in this lowest sadness,
with your passing so did all of my gladness,
my heart has broke a million times,
but this pain has crossed all of the lines,
you were here one day and gone the next,
now passing days have no expects,
you opened my eyes to the worlds worst pain,
your passing has made me lose where is my gain,
i expect the worst in everday,
the day when a loved one goes away...
Gloreous sadness fills my life,
it burns like fire and cuts like a knife...




I miss you and love you all: Sheila Mack, Michael J. Moussette, Sheila (Aunti) Bristow, Jasmin Jade Marden, and Doris (Memere) Durst... Never forgotten...

SM: 39 left: October 20, 2002
MM: 18 left: April 6, 2003
SB: 42 left: August 12, 2003
JM: 17 left: October 29, 2003
DD: 79 left: January 3, 2004

Others:
Bumpa... My wonderful granfather... a veteran.
Robbie Mills... a beloved child only 14 and murdered... but always loved and missed dearly.
Grana... My great grandmother... lost on my 13th birthday Jan. 30th... Loved and missed...




I miss you all and I will one day see you again... until then Im missing peices of my heart...


Love always,
Jessica~


*Fixed*

Gloreous sadness

Days go by and your still on my mind,
thaughts of you pass the time,
but I feel stuck in this lowest sadness,
with your passing so did all gladness,
my heart has broke a million times,
but this pain has crossed all lines,
you were here one day and gone the next,
now passing day have no expects,
you opened my eyes to the worlds worst pain,
your passing has made me lose where is my gain,
i expect the worst in everday,
the day when a loved one goes away...
Gloreous sadness fills my life,
it burns like fie and cuts like a knife...




I miss you and love you all: Sheila Mack, Michael J. Moussette, Sheila (Aunti) Bristow, Jasmin Jade Marden, and Doris (Memere) Durst... Never forgotten...

SM: 39 left: October 20, 2002
MM: 18 left: April 6, 2003
SB: 42 left: August 12, 2003
JM: 17 left: October 29, 2003
DD: 79 left: January 3, 2004

Others:
Bumpa... My wonderful granfather... a veteran.
Robbie Mills... a beloved child only 14 and murdered... but always loved and missed dearly.
Grana... My great grandmother... lost on my 13th birthday Jan. 30th... Loved and missed...




I miss you all and I will one day see you again... until then Im missing peices of my heart...


Love always,
Jessica~

I wish

I wish you were here today to wipe my tears of joy and dismay and i wish i could see your smile even if just for a little while i wish you were here today though i wish you had'nt gone away.

The Girl

she looks in the mirror the girl sees more than her firefly eyes and her heart she'll pour as she whispers in the night for someone to care till she sees the one who will always be there.

Your baby sister

I held your baby sister today,
It was just like holding you,
The tears where not far away
I wish i was holding you too.

My heart was so heavy
as i looked on her face,
how i wanted you there in her place,
I do love your sister don't get me wrong
but my grief for you is still so strong.

I want to be happy but while we are apart
i will always have this heavy pain in my heart
I will give your sister a part of my love
but all i want is to be with you up above

You were not there

I heard you call my name last night
It was so loud and clear
I got out of bed turned on the light
I really thought that you were near
But you were not there

I went to your room last night
A figure was laying in your bed
'Midst toys that you'd played with books that you'd once read
Your picture laying at your brothers head
But you were not there

I heard you call my name last night
I sat alone in the darkness
My body it let out a sigh
I wanted to hold you in my arms
So much I though I would die
Because you were not there

A REPLY FROM MR HALLMARK

Dear child in Heaven,
My reply I give to you,
You wrote to me not long ago,
To see what I could do.

You need a card of love for mum,
To show her how much you care,
You couldn`t find one in my store,
But here`s one that I will share.

Dear Mum, Oh how I miss you,
Your smile, your warm embrace,
Please dry those tears you cry so much,
They are wrinkling your face,

You were so strong and confident,
Loving and Oh so true,
Just think of all the hugs we shared,
A hug I now give to you,

Don`t sit alone at night and cry,
For I cannot bear to see,
Just think of all the laughs we had,
And laugh again for me.

You cared for me when I was ill,
You always made me better,
Now I`m sending all my love,
In this card a loving letter.

I watch you as you do the things,
You always used to do,
Cook and clean and go to work,
I`m so very proud, I`m always watching you.

Because I have left my physical self,
To go to my new home,
Don`t think that I don`t exist,
I do, I`m not alone.

I have all my new friends now,
That I`m sure you will know,
The boys and girls that have just arrived,
And those who were here before.

I`m with you when you visit my grave,
I know that you can`t see,
But talk to me like you always do,
And sort all my flowers for me.

Dear mum, I need to give you strength,
A cuddle and a kiss,
You need someone to hold you now,
I`m always doing this.

I touch your hair and hold your hand,
This you cannot feel,
But I`m telling you nowe mum,
I`m there and I always be.

God took me to his garden,
So beautiful, just like you,
He gave me some jobs to do
Abnd I`ll serve him oh so true.

He gave me such a wonderful mum,
And this I`ll never forget,
So you see I have to thank him now,
And repay him my debt.

So don`t cry for me forever more,
Because I`m okay,
I loved you then and I love you now,
Until your dying day.

Get on with life and live again,
And love like you love me,
I`ll send a hug and a kiss for every passing day,
You need them mum, I know cos I can see.

This was written by my friend Sharon Moses after the loss of her wonderful son Chris who was only seventeen. He passed away six months after my son Ian. God Bless you both, you are both loved and missed so very much. Sharon had read the Dear Mr Hallmark poem and thought she would reply.

NO WORDS

When I tell you that my heart still hurts,
You don't know what to say.
When I tell you that my eyes still cry,
You look the other way.
How could you know the pain I have,
And the sorrow that I feel.
For you haven't lost a precious child,
So for you, this isn't real.
I can't say that I blame you,
For I was once like you.
I would turn my head and walk away,
Not knowing what to do.
But now I know, oh, how I know
What another mother feels.
For only when you have lost your child,
Our shared pain is now so real.
This painful loss that bereaved mothers share,
Brings us closer in our hearts.
Now when we meet and share our child,
We are friends right from the start.

titch

i miss you more each day
the pain it wont go away
i pray each night that you are well
some day i will be there aswell

Two after.......

Two after.....

Two minutes after his birth.....
I could hear his announcing scream.
I couldn't believe he was finally here,
The realization of my dream.

Two hours after his birth.....
I held him so close to my chest.
Somehow that little boy let me see,
A special love that never left.

Two days after his birth.....
I held his tiny little hand.
I told him there would be lots of things
That I would help him to understand.

Two weeks after his birth.....
He had that sparkle in his eyes,
And when he showed me that little smile,
I thought that I would surely die.

Two months after his birth.....
He was just beginning to learn.
He didn't like me to go away,
And he cried until I returned.

Two years after his birth......
I still couldn't believe he was mine.
We talked and laughed and went for walks.
We had so many special times..

Two after.....

Two minutes after his death.....
I didn't know I needed to scream.
I thought that he was still safe and here.
I didn't know the truth of my dream.

Two hours after his death.....
I felt a strangeness within my chest.
Something was wrong that I couldn't see.
God!!!!, I didn't know that he had left.

Two days after his death.....
I held his cold and lifeless hand.
There were just so very many things
That I could not fully understand.

Two weeks after his death.....
That sparkle stolen from my eyes,
No longer to see his beautiful smile.
I never, ever thought that he would die.

Two months after his death.....
There was so much I needed to learn.
I was confused when he went away,
And I still waited for his return.

Two years after his death.....
I still wish that he could be mine,
To talk and laugh and go for walks.
I miss those special moments in time.

Two after.....

Two minutes after MY death......
Once again I will hear him scream,
"Hey Mom, it's me, I'm over here,
And Mom, this time it's not a dream"

Two hours after MY death.....
I'll hold him close again to my chest.
He'll look at me and say... "Now see?",
It doesn't seem so long since I left."

Two days after MY death.....
He will gently take me by the hand,
And show me all the glorious things,
And help me to understand.

Two weeks after MY death.....
I'll see that sparkle in his eyes.
Once again he'll warm me with his smile,
And say... "You see, Mom, I didn't die".

Two months after MY death.....
Together we'll have so much to learn.
We'll never have to go away,
Or long for each other's return."

Two years after MY death.....
Once again he will finally be mine.
We'll talk and laugh and go for long walks,
Because, we'll have nothing...... but time.

....2003

Author Christine Ross

my Darling Brother!!!

My Brother Ashley sadly taken from me
Now my Guardian Angel
Always smiling and prating around
You always lifted me up when i felt down
Someday we will meet agin but till then
Sleep peacefully Sweetheart
I miss you more than you could ever imagine Ash
Just wishing everyday you was still here
You'll be forever in my heart & always in my thoughts
You'll never be forgotten Bro no matter where i go.
I guess given time the pain & hurt will heal,
Then i'll be able to smile agin this time for real.
I will always love you no matter what
So now all i can say is
Good night & God bless
Your forever loving sister
Colette
R.I.P

My Brother Ashley 12-06-85 to 30-11-03

Colette

The tears I cry

The tears I cry are for my boy
My beautiful, beautiful Ben
17 years I had him near
To love ,to hold, to touch
Now gone from me forevermore
The pain I have to bear
Why go so quick? with no goodbye,
Your pain I could not see
The love we shared was not enough - to keep you here with me.
Mum

Ben Whitney 4thDecember 1985 to 19th June 2003

Janice Whitney

TO LOSE A CHILD

THERE IS NO GREATER PAIN ON EARTH THAN TO LOSE A CHILD TO WHOM YOU'VE GIVEN BIRTH AS A MOTHER MY SOUL BURNS WITH PAIN MY HEART ACHES WITH GRIEF. THIS BURDEN I CANNOT BEAR. I LOST MY SON TODAY AND LIFE'S NOT FAIR. THIS GRIEF IS SO HEAVY ICAN'T EXPLAIN. MY HEART'S IN ANGUISH MY SOUL'S IN PAIN. I LONG TO TOUCH MY SON AGAIN OH LORD I PLEAD LET ME TOUCH HIM IF YOU CAN. I MISS YOUR LAUGHTER AND YOUR WIT YOUR FUNNY HUGS AND I LOVE YOU MAMA I WILL NEVER FORGET. MY EYES ARE DIMMED WITH TEARS EVERYDAY BUT THE BIBLE SAYS GOD COUNTS OUR TEARS IN EVERYWAY. IF I COULD BRING YOU BACK I WOULD.BUT YOU'RE IN HEAVEN AND YOU WOULDN'NT IF YOU COULD. DEAR HEAVENLY FATHER KEEP HIM WELL . I'LL BE WITH HIM SOMEDAY WHEN YOU RING MY BELL. YOU'VE BEEN GONE A YEAR NOW I KNOW BUT TIME STANDS STILL, IN ME AS MY TEARS STILL FLOW . WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU MORE EACH PASSING DAY BUT WE WILL SEE YOU AGAIN ON THAT GLAD REUNION DAY!! WE LOVE YOU RYAN KEITH MAYHEW 9-13-85 - 1-14 03 DEDICATEED TO MY YOUNGEST SON RYAN HE TOOK HIS OWN LIFE ON JAN. -14 -03 HE WAS ONLY 17 YEARS OLD

SEPTEMBER 13-1985-JANUARY-14-2003lease Enter Dedication Text Here

Sandy WINGATE

i wonder

Sit there in the dead of night and wonder if I will win this fight,
Will I ever smile again, be happy to be me,
Or still a crumpled resemblance of what I used to be.

From the outside people see a happy confident bubbly mask I’ve chosen to be me,

I disappeared 11 years ago the night you closed your eyes.
For that was the last time anyone saw the real me.

For you my son is all I see the minute I wake up,
I see you in your brother’s eyes every minute every day,
And even though you never met he looks like you in every way.
I often sit and wonder would you have been like him?
So full of life, mischievous, a boy you never became.
Or would you have been different, quieter than he?
The answer to these questions will always trouble me.

For in my heart my precious boy
The pain is still here
But you have gone to a better place.
Away from pain and fear.

But your memory will live on until we meet again, one day soon I hope then my pain will end.

daniel 30/04/92-14/12/92

tanya

Dear Mr Hallmark

I am writting to you from heaven,and though it might appear.
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit your stores to find a card.
A card of love for my mother , as this day for her is hard .

There must be some mistake i thought, Every card you could imagine.
Except i could not find a card ,from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too,no matter were i reside.
I had to leave ,she understands, but oh the tears she's cried.

I thought that if i wrote you ,that you would come to know,
That though i live in now,i still love my mother.
She talks with me ,she dreams with me,we still share laughter too.
Memories are our way of speaking ,now could you see what you could do.

My mother she carries me in her heart,her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honour me, sometimes far into the night.
She plants flowers in my garden , there my living memory dwells.
She writes to other grieving parents,trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr Hallmark,though i no longer live on earth.
I must find a way , to remind her of her wonderous worth.
She needs to be honoured, and remembered too.
Just as the children,on earth will do.

Thank you Mr Hallmark, i know you'll do your best.
I have done all i can do , to you i'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her ,how much she means to me.
Until i can do it for myself , when she joins me in eternity.

HOW CAN IT BE

How can it be you are no longer here
How can it be that I always shed a tear
How can it be that I can no longer hear you laugh
How can it be that you have torn my heart apart.

You were young,
So full of life,
You were so loved with so much to live for,
The world was your oyster
With great hopes for the future
How can it be you are no longer here.

My heart is broken, broken in two
It cannot be mended for part of me died too.
You were my beautiful baby, my first born child
You came into the world bringing such joy into my heart,
How can it be you are no longer here.

We exist day by day
Your father, brother and me
Your Nana cries
She cannot understand why.
We all miss you so much
With all our hearts so torn apart,
How can it be you are no longer here.

The Day God Took You Home

I thought of you today,
But that was nothing new.
I thought of you yesterday,
And the days before that too.
I think of you in silence,
And often speak your name.
All i have of you are memories
And your pictures in a frame.
God has you in his keeping,
I have you in my heart.
In life i loved you dearly,
In death i love you still.
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn't go alone
For part of me went with you
The day God took you home.

It's Okay

We don't always have to be strong to be strong.
Sometimes our strength is expressed in being vulnerable.
Sometimes we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.
We all have days when we cannot push any harder,
Cannot hold back self-doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear,
Cannot be strong.
There are days when we cannot focus on
being responsible.
Occasionally, we don't want to get out of our nightclothes. Sometimes we cry in front of people.
We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay. They are just okay.
Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission
to "fall apart" when we need to.
We do not need to be perpetual towers of strength.
We ARE strong. We have proven that.
Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage
to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable
when we need to experience those feelings.
Today, help me to know that is it okay to allow myself to be human.
Help me not to feel guilty or punish myself when I need to "fall apart."


Author Unknown

FOR MY BRO.....

Your smiling eyes now shut forever,
Your smiling face now a distant trace,
Ohh how I wish for your long embrace,
I love you now just as I did then,
I always thought I’d see you again,
25th February will remain in my head,
That was the day they said you were dead,
A Monday night, so cold and wet,
Within my heart your memory set.
Your footprints gone, your memory lives on,
In the footsteps off your little son,
I miss you so much; I remember your touch,
The smile that walked in, that lovely sweet grin,
I imagine you there, sat on that stair, joking and
Laughing filled the air, ohh how I wish you were still sat there.
I love you Ian, I always will, memories last until the end,
Then up in heaven we will stand, together again,
Forever this time, we will be a family, and you will be mine.

To my sweet Bro Ian, not a day goes by that I don’t need you here,
Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you, this only gets worse, the pain of losing you
I will never get over. I LOVE YOU BOO BOO. XxxxX
By Sara Lynes for Ian xxx.

my nightmear comes even while im awake

as read the other poems i see i have much freedom to write so i would like to write "my nightmear" the way i first wrote it.

my nightmear
First...Black
Darkness...
nothingness....
for most people, this would be the scarest part, but not for me,
lonelyness-empty, devoid of emotion...
for most, blackness reprsents the lose of the light...
lose..
death...
empty...
void....
pain...
the end...
most see this as scary, not me
what comes next is the most horriable thing i have ever seen.
a smile...
a hug...
the memories...
a lifetime away...
yet so closei can fill him.
1 moment of pease, 1 moment of pure joy .
i see my baby boy... ALIVE...in my arms...ALIVE...happy...ALIVE...loved...ALIVE...in my arms.
THEN....
terror! simply put pure HELL!
the flash of one simple red dot upon his perfect little body
no not one 3...no 5...no 100s...not red...purple....1000s of them all over his little body... they said chicken pox...these are not chickin pox...too late...its unfolding in frount of my eyes again...just like every nioghtsince that night.
reliving the worst nightmear i have ever had.only this nightmear was real
no no not again..please not again...oh god please don't make me watch this again.... i cant live this nightmear again...not one more damn time...I can't...
the pain he went through....helpless...oh god i beg you please dont tell me...no please fix my baby...give him back to me!please
(please theres that cry do you hear it that haunting cry)
oh god please dont tellme he's...no...
he can't be...no...dying...nothing more you can do?
no hes not dying...dead...nogod please...not again why cant i change this i beg i ask nicly i will not let him go. if i let him go i will go insane
please take me instead
not my baby boy
i curse you .iplease god i try to bargan still he is gone

idream of this everytime i drift off to sleep
i think i may be loseing my mind

it cant be him not my Justin...his little body...oh his beautiful eyes...i dont want to remember him this way
his eyes swelled with fluid, his every inch covered by a strange new purple
im so tired! so tired of living this, tired of being tired, tired of living tired,tired of tired
my baby is not alive but i died too.
look at my baby,oh god no hes bleeding
oh justin...oh god hes hurting... hes bleeding...can you hear hes cring...help him...
hes bleeding from his eyes, ears and nose....
i hear him cring. cant be him
hes....oh he is cring... hes screaming...screaming out to me...he needs me...he wants me...he wants me to fix it.
mommy kiss it make it better.....please mommy
god don't make me do this
notone more time.how do i keep going when my world is ending.every time i close my eyes and drift off to sleep you give him back to me for a moment just to take him back again.no mother should have to live through this once why must i live it every day, everynight, why do i hear his cry even as i cant touch him why? since that night that cry follows me every where i go all day everyday. all night no escapeing it no shuting it out only muffeling it a littlethat cry cold sweat waking to go to him to calm his cry to sooth my son only to realize he's gone
he screams to me to fix it. to help him. to find him. hold him, but i cant. its not fare. please help memy mid is going. the pain is killing me. please let me go. stop the pain . icant make it stop not here not while i live i cant help him i cant help him. i cant stop his pain i cant stop mine.

ill hurt myself, ill let myself die, ilay here and let myself dieand then the pain will end but is that suicide if i just give up will igo to hell? i want to see him again? that is all i want. i live in hell. i want to go to my son but i may go insane and then my hell may be worse HELP ME FIND MY WAY

EVERYONE SAYS TO LET GO MOVE PON WHAT DO I DO . JUSTIN WILLIAM NELSON WAS TAKEN FROM ME HE HAD MENNIGITIS BUT THE DR SAID HE HAD CHICKEN POX HE DIED 13 HOURS LATTER HE WAS ONE WEEK AND ONE DAY FROM 6 MONTHS OLD

THIS IS MY EVERY DAY WITH OUT MY SANITY IF SOMEONE KNOWS HOW TO HELP PLEASE TRY

dawn nelson

cring

cring comes like breathing to me now,
it has taken' its tole on me but worse it the tole i am taking onthe ones who love me,
i'm hurting all of them but i dont know how,
i dont mean i cant see what i am doing, i just deprive myself of being happy,
i know they deserve it so i paste on a fake smile but no one would want to know what behind these eyes,
every christmas i think, i wish he was here,
all day every day i still hear his crys
always there,
i fill guilty if i smile,
i was his mom,
what right do i have to go on,
i should have done a better job,
and now he is gone,
why didn't god take me too,
he knew i had died inside, he knew,
that day they lost,
just like i lost you,
this may selfish to some
but a parent should not have to out live a child
and i cant stop punishing my self
but god i dont want to punish them one more day
i want to give my heart again,
i have so much love to give
but im so afraid
for everyone i have ever loved has been taken from me
Justin, was the love of my life, and he died
now i am afraid to show all my love to my children
so i put them deep inside
they deserve more
cant i do anything right
INLIGHTENMENT
learn that god does not punish us for loving our children
he will not hurt us for being good
i am a good mother
open my heart
I AM LEARNING
I HAVE A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF ME BUT IT IS WORTH IT
i will not give up today
i will get out of bed

endless nightmear

first... darkness... nothingness...for most, this would be the scarest part,
not for me,
not for my broken heart,
lonlyness-empty, devoid of emotion,
for me, blackness represent the lose of light, death , void, pain, the end,
some would think this to be scary, for me its the calm befor the explotion,
after the darkness comes my true nightmear....
a smile.... a hug.... the memories...a lifetime away... yet so close i can fill him
One moment of pure joy
theres that cry, can you hear?
that is my baby boy!
i search for him
i see my baby boy...ALIVE...loved....ALIVE...in my arms...ALIVE,
happy..ALIVE...in my arms...ALIVE...THEN......
TERROR!!! simply put, pure HELL
the flash of one red dot upon his perfect little body, ...no 3 ...no 5.. no 100s... no not red now purple...1000s of them
they said chickin pox...
its unfolding right in frount of my eyes
its like im wathching from inside a sound proof box
they cant hear me shouting,they cant hear his crys
just like everynight befor it, i relive the worst nightmear i have ever had,
but this nightmear is real,
no no not again, please GOD please, dont make me watch his pain again,
oh GOD please there are other things i need to feel
dont make me fear the night forever
not one more damn night
i dont want to remimber him this way
please oh god theres that haunting cry, that ever preasent cry,
its there all the time
in the store i hear him
when people ask me how i am i lie
i always say im fine
but behind the painted on smile is the cry
i close my eyes to ward of the tears, and the is that image
that frightful way he looked
not like him
the way he looked that day
oh god his eyes
i was his mom why cant i fix it
i cant heal his crys
hes cring out to me he wants me he needs me,
my baby, i cant get to him
i ask god nicely, i beg him and still he does not return to me,
even though my body is alive i died that day
how would i go on
i could not find my way
not now, how could i keep going when my world is gone

i will never truly breeth not again

TEAR

It grieved alone, quietly, grey upon the chin,
A drop of something from the heart from somewhere deep within.
A sign of something. Joy? No sorrow:
It grieved not for itself alone, but for the tears to follow.

It hesitated on the chin, and whimpered a soft lament-
Afraid of falling feet below, or wherever it was sent;
Alone it stayed and trembling, just beneath the cheek,
A herald of another; the herald of the weak?

It shimmered, shook and sighed so loath
To leave its maker's sore
And bllodshot eyes, and running nose,
To fall onto the floor.

But worst of all it feared to see
Another tear upon the shore.
For that would be too hard to bear
It sighed and dripped onto the floor.....

This poem was written by my daughter Lauren Cooper and won a prize. I just wanted to share this with you.........

audreyrevell

The Christmas Gift

I bought you an angel for your Christmas gift.
She stands by your picture and the candle that's lit.
I bought you a wreath for your Christmas gift.
It lays by your cross and I wish that you'd lived.
I remember the gifts of Christmas's past.
The toys, the clothes - some meant to last.
"An exhaust for my bike!" I hear you say.
How do you wrap that for Christmas day?
But now you're gone and there is no joy,
And I'd give the world my darling boy
To see your smiling face once more.
To hear you come through the door,
Full of laughter - full of fun.
How I miss my precious son.
I bought you an angel for your Christmas gift.
She stands by your picture and the candle that's lit.
I bought you a wreath for your Christmas gift.
It stands by your cross and I wish that you'd lived.
Merry Christmas darling.

For Richard killed on his motorbike March 22nd 2003 - Our first Christmas without you

Fran Martin

Missing You

I often look at your photo
I often speak your name.
But when I do this Lynne
I know it'll never be the same.

I miss you so much darling
Your smile, your laugh, your touch.
Why did this have to happen
To someone I loved so much.

A Very Clumsy (post Christmas) Poem

Christmas day this year.........I survived
Better than that..... I lived.
We had a holiday home in the country
And Fiona, a HUGE place in our hearts.

I was apprehensive before I left here
Afraid of what was to be
Our first Christmas Day last year
Was horrendous .......as Hell...I imagine to be

This year we tried something different
No pretence, this WILL be hard
We'd change our routine, we'd play it all down
Yet we wouldn't forget....it was Christmas

No one knew us in the village
That felt 'good'.
Although I did tell one lady the reason for our
'Alternative Christmas'.
She put her hand on my arm as tears pricked my eyes
She didn't say much, and I thanked her.
(I'm learning Love can say much without words.)

On Christmas Day, we walked over hill and through wood
We laughed at our dogs antics
Fiona did too, did you hear her?
I heard her laugh at misfortune
(As I was clumsy and had small accidents)
And we danced together to the music
....I SO miss holding you sweetheart.

I miss you in so many ways.
We were blessed to share 18 lovely Chrismas times
I feel you with me often
I can sense you close by me right now

Thank you for our Christmas Day Fiona,
We love you and always will.

A message to my son James

Happy Christmas Sweetheart!
I sit and and think of you, and gaze upon your candle lit face,
Memories dance and flicker in my mind,
I,m being strong for you, these tears you see are out of the love I have for you.My constant gift that will never change but grow stronger with the years.
I still try and imagine what you would be wanting for your Christmas gift and buy you but a token as I'm sure you can see. Something daft to make you chuckle in that warm familiar way and something that shows my love I'd even leave you chocolate if only you could eat it. How you loved your choccie feasts....storing it all away like a squirrel! I remember the year you were so afraid to tell me that you thought there was no Father Christmas but then after our special chat you decided to carry on the raditions for your little brother so that he could have as much fun as you could have and even wanted to help to choose the gifts. You made me so proud. How about the year we sat around the table and decorated the Chritmas cake with funny little snow men doing all kinds of funny antics and what a cake it was. Like you sweet heart I have carried on the traditions of Christmas for Miles although the joy has been snuffed for me, and he gets very angry because he can't share things with you like he used to. He is so lonely.....send your Christmas love to surround him.We got him two guinea pigs called Caramel and Humbug which he loves to bits but they could never make up for you.
We watched the story about the giants garden and the little boy today and your Dad and I shared a moments tears and love for you feeling that you had meant us to watch it. We know we will see you again JimJams and will look forward to seeing your bright new world full of beauty and peace and joy.
Thankyou for your Christmas Love and
With you always in our love and thoughts
Mum, Dad Miles and Billy your last canary, (whom Miles nicknames after you and he sings beautifully like you too), Humbug, Caramel and last but not least Kitty. xxx God Bless and send my love to Nan and Grump, my lovely Dad who I know will be spoiling you to bits.

I just can't understand (In memory of Nathan Vidler )

You had so much life and so much flare
You were taking on the world without a single care.
The fire in your eyes the strength in your soul
Now with you gone it leaves a big hole.

See no one can fill the spot that you left
I just pray everyday that as you took your last breath.
You called out to god your father and spirit
Just loud enough for him to hear it.

For you were a good friend you brought joy to my life
Your always willing to listen to all of my strife.
The sound of your voice the tone of your laugh
Remember how we talked all those nights in the grass.

But now you are gone to a far better place
But the idea of it all is to hard to embrace.
With tears on my face I scream to the sky
I scream so loud hoping you hear my cry.

For I miss you unbearably I long to see your face
Laugh at your jokes and feel your embrace.
But you have moved on leaving me all alone
I must have your strength the strength to go on.

They cheated you and they cheated me too
All I want is for them to pay what's due.
I just can't understand it's just not fair
I can't shake this feeling that I should have been there.

You trusted them enough, enough to call them friends
How could you have known you just couldn't depend.
On those few guys who I now despise
I hope one day to look them in there eye's.

If they could just understand it's just not fair
It's all their fault they were the ones who were there.
I'm sorry I wasn't there and I miss you ho so much
I just wish once more I could feel your touch.

And as I close my eye's I hold your memory near
Remembering how sweet you were so thoughtful and dear.
I just can't understand I guess I never will
But I just wanted you to know I hold your memory near to me still.

The Story of Ray

THE STORY OF RAY

“Tell me the story of my life, and why I was born” These were the powerful words my son, Ray, said to me while in the hospital a few weeks before he died. At the time, we had had a discussion about extreme measures and if he wanted to be interbated. After a very difficult talk, Ray, decided no and said to me “I have had a good life”. That statement totally amazed me and made me understand that to him despite all the medical difficulties and limitations of Muscular Dystrophy he considered his life full. Ray asked me to tell him the story of his life. I, as any mother, holding back the tears told him a very short story because I was afraid I would break down. I told him that he was our first born and that we had wanted him so much. Along with being a pain in the butt (he smiled), had brought us great joy. I couldn’t say much more at the time. Now 9 months later, I will try to tell you, Ray, the story of your life. We are all born into this world with a definite purpose of that I am sure. God allows us to make choices that not only affect our lives, but those of others. If we are truly lucky, we have people in our life who appreciate and love the unique person we are. Ray, you were certainly unique. From the time you were a little boy, there was a quality about you that at times seemed sad. You were very shy and self conscious as a child. Maybe that was because of the limitations the Muscular Dystrophy put on you, though at the time we were not aware of your medical condition. You were a very small child, but had a hugely active mind and imagination. Now, years later, when talking to your friends, you were the one with all those ideas and they followed. During those first childhood years, I always felt there was something going on with you, but the doctor just didn’t see. Finally, I took you for an independent evaluation and our world came to a screeching halt. You had Muscular Dystrophy. The literature we read, frightened us, but we did our best to put it aside and not treat you any differently than your younger brothers. We prayed to have the strength to let go and let you be independent. By High School you were in a wheelchair and in a school for disabled children. You lived at school for a few years before you graduated. At times, you were angry. At times, you were like any other high school student and got into trouble. People at the school learned much from you. You taught them that Muscular Dystrophy does not diminish mental capacities. Many a day we would get the call to please come and discipline you for some infraction and I would tell them to treat you like any other student disability or not. Up to that time, many of the staff had been of the mistaken idea that students should be given extra lea way or felt sorry for because of their disability. That is not how young people with Muscular Dystrophy learned to live in the real world. You taught us to wait until you asked for help. You taught us that your life, thou not what we had plan was full and that you were a man who had the right to make his own decisions regarding not only his health and medical problems, but life in general. You moved to your own apartment, hire health care workers, managed your finances, and made friends. After a while, you got your Service dog, Eddie, your best friend. Not long after that you moved back home and maintain you own apartment in the family home. You were fiercely independent. You and I had a very volatile relationship with so many ups and downs,(we were both probably coming to terms with your disability) but in the last few years of your life, you and I came to a different place, a good place in our relationship. You learned that your disease did not diminish you as a man . You learned that it was ok to ask for help on your terms. And I learned to step back and wait until you called on me. At times, my heart ached because I thought you were lonely, but after your death, I learned of many people that I never knew were a part of your life and how you touched them and the influence you had on them. What was God trying to teach us? I’m not really sure, but because you, I believe I am a better person. I have a compassion for people that I may not have had had you not been in my life. Life is so precious. I look at the family members and special friends who sat by your bed, especially your brothers. I look at the grace in which you allowed them to help you. Your life had a huge effect on these people. We all witnessed a kind of bravery that is truly special. Each day was a new challenge to you. Slowly the disease took a little bit of your health and mobility away and you kept going. Each day, whether you had plans to go out or not, you got up and showered and dressed (a task that at times took hours). You took pride in yourself and your appearance and when in the last few months you could not longer take care of yourself, you allowed us to help but at the same time never allowed us to feel sorry for you. You faced each day expecting it to be full and it was. A lesser person would have wallowed in piety, but not you. You had a quick wit and sense of humor. You would either make a person laugh or infuriate them with a quick remark. No one would ever say you were dull. The loss of you Ray, has been heart breaking, but oh… to have never had you in my live would have been far worse. So, Ray, the story of your life is simple. You lived your life to the fullest, and touched a number of people. When we leave this earth if just one person mourns our passing we are blessed. Ray, a league of people have thanked God for their time with you, mourn your passing and celebrate your life and the uniqueness that was you.
Love Always
Ma

CHRISTMAS DAY
December 25, 2003

Christmas Day has always been a very special day for me. I always enjoyed playing Santa for my children and even when they did not believe any more it was still special.

This year I am celebrating this Day with two of my three children and it is with a heavy heart that I say Merry Christmas to all of you. I know that Andrew is spending Christmas in heaven along with my Mother, listening to the Angels sing.

I don't understand why we don't have Andrew with us physically but I do feel he is here in spirit and if I could see him he would have that big smile on his face wishing me, a Merry Christmas and a Happy Birthday the way he always did.

Well Andrew, I know I can't ever see you again, hug you again, kiss you again, but not a day of my life goes by without thinking about you. You touch the lives of many people, but no one's life as much as mine.

I remember the fun times we had together, reading, playing cards, Atari, shopping, your sneaking in my bed at night. These are all good memories I have of you. Then you became an adult, and though we went through many trials and tribulations, I still loved you.

I wait for you to come to me in my dreams at night but you don't come. That is my one wish for this Christmas and my Birthday is that you visit me in my dreams and tell me you love me and goodbye. I would do the same. You were my first, my first child to love, my first child to go to school and now my first child to leave me.

My Christmas wish for you is that you enjoy your place in heaven and give my mother a big kiss and hug and tell her I love her. And when you do, the hug and kiss and, the I love you she gives back will be from me.

You are missed by all of us and we are all thinking about you today and every day. Just because we can't see you, we can still talk to you and although you can't answer us, we talk to you anyway. I need you to help us all be strong and bare the feelings of the loss of you.

One other thing Andrew, I am really sorry that you called for me when you had the accident and I was not there. I think God's plan was for me not to watch you dying. I thank him for that because it is hard enough just knowing the things I know of the accident, but I think if I had to watch you dying, I would have gone out of my mind.

So Andrew, Merry Christmas 2003 and hope you are enjoying your new home.

With All My Love
Mom

ANDREW A BOURGEOIS III

Janet Patton

No Christmas Cheer

I sit wrapping present's , I can't find the card with your name'
How my heart fills with pain,
I glance up and see you smiling at me.
My eyes fill with tears and i cannot see
because it's only your photo looking at me.
I cannot find any good cheer
because darling hannah you are not here
I will come and see you christmas eve
Flowers annd my love is all i can leave

Christmas Miracle - A New Beginning

Christmas Miracle - A New Beginning

Karen, I thought you and I had it all,
The perfect marriage with problems so small.

I thought by your face that I could read,
The things you wanted – the things you need.

I know there were things that questioned you,
Yet because we never talked, I never knew.

And then it happened... so very fast,
The End of our relationship; I thought it would last.

Someone came along: With your feelings he messed,
We would only survive if our love were the best.

No longer a husband? – That’s been so sad,
What of my future? Only a dad?

Yes, it seemed all over, as though we were done;
Yet I somehow knew – that I was the ONE.

My pain was not, of anger, or hate,
But of sorrow, and hurt and anguish so great

A million tears - and then I’d pray,
That I’d have the strength to fight another day,

And even though, I was on the floor,
I still offered my heart, to you, once more.

Who on earth would give their heart and soul for free?
But because you’re so special, that man was me.

You see I knew I couldn’t live without your kiss,
Because one things for certain, that I would miss.

You’ll never know, what you put me through,
And just how much, my life was blue!


Could a Christmas miracle happen before my eyes?
Could our love triumph, over all the lies?

I feel exhausted - with no more fight,
But at the end of the tunnel: - A glimmer of light?

The dark gloomy clouds are starting to go,
And on my face – now a warming glow!

What we thought was the End, could be the Start,
A new beginning, for my broken heart.

Something at you was starting to pull,
Now you must wrap my heart, in cotton wool.

I beg you to show me, how much you care,
And then everything in my life, with you I’ll share.

I have so many emotions to share and give,
And you know I’ll love you, for as long as I live.

But we must also, find time - for each other,
Both as friends and companions - and, as lovers,

Karen, for you I will keep that gleam in my eye,
and keep it there - until the day I die.

And now we're free to fall in love once more,
Karen, let’s make it better than ever before.

So out with the old, and in with the new,
Just always remember, that I Love You.

This time though, we must, work together,
To make something rare, that can last forever.

"Grief Of The Parent"

What is this most hostile of emotions
Encircling our inner being,
Engulfing all reason and logic
Extinguishing all senses and drying us to the very core of human essense.

This unrelenting pain of an unforgiving torturous state
Which looms and strikes indiscriminately
Like a bolt of lightning from the darkest clouds.

It is the "GRIEF"of the parents
Consumed by emptiness and the feeling of uselessness
As the stand by the graveside of their beloved son .

All we can do now is pray!

Sami,our lives were infinitely better with you around,so full of life,so querky and outgoing.
You made people notice you and we have very special memories of your short life which we will all treasure until we meet you again in your "castle in the sky"Always and forever.Inconsolable
Mam(Queen) & Dad
Javed,Imran,Yasmin &Farrah xxxxxxxx

Love in a heart shaped parcel

I've wrapped you up a parcel
I've wrapped it with much love
I've wrapped it up with all my heart
and send it to you up above

It is not a teddy bear
It is not a pair of socks
It is not great big toy
but my love in a heart shaped box

with all my love to you kai for this christmas love from mummyxxxxxxx

mandy

christmas....

Another day of fallen tears, another day with renewed fears, Christmas fast upon me,
Children’s faces light up with excitement, as the cold winters air fills the night sky,
And all along I ask myself why?, why this year you are not here, your smile a distant memory, your touch gone forever, I never wanted to lose you not now or never, I try to remember Christmas’s before, but Christmases before are now no more, my mind wont let me remember, as I try to remember my brother so loving and tender, all I know is that your gone, my mind keeps playing that tragic song, I want to change the record, but it spins in my head, my kind loving brother is dead, who ever said Christmas was for family’s and a time for love, then if that so why does my brother watch from above, this is our second Christmas without Ian here, and the thought of it bring me to tears, I need my brother more than he knew, I love him more than words could ever say, I just want him to know today, not a day goes by that I don’t think of him, I may not cry, I may not say, but I miss him more and more each day, my heart has been ripped out, my heads all a blur, but please my brother convince me you’re here, Ill carry on this Christmas as I always do, but my heart will never forget you my brother Boo, hope you watch us from up above, surround your family with your love, Happy Christmas up in heaven Ian, I love you bro, xxxxx

To Darren at Christmas

You are the candle glimmering to brighten our dark day,
The star that guides us, you are there beside us.
You are showing us the way.
There is an angel on our Christmas tree,
We know it’s you looking down at Elaine, your dad and me,
You are the snowdrop that falls from the heaven above,
Sending us your special love,
This season is to be enjoyed, we know that is true,
So Christmas wishes Darren we send back to you,
Every hour of each day we will remember,
Until the very last day of December.
We’ll remember all the Christmas’s,
The one’s that we all shared.
When opening our gifts, to show that we cared.
Heaven now is where you dwell
You are the sound of the Christmas bell.
The bell that chimes when the New Year starts
Thinking of you Darren with love in our hearts.
If we could be granted one small wish
We would visit heaven, and give you a hug and a kiss.

Book of life

An angel with the book of life
wrote down my baby"s birth
then whispered as she closed the book
too beautiful for earth.

A verse my daughter found for my beloved granddaughter Sapphire, born still on 28th April 2002

linda lock

Capturing Time

Children's captured moments in a photo gathering dust,
I brush away time
and tousled heads move and smiles with gaps where teeth once were bring light into my life.
Eyes alive with suppressed laughter, fingers eager to tear at parcels
Lovingly wrapped.
Mother sits watching, waiting for kisses and hugs
While Father proudly immortalises the moment in colour.
A Christmas tree in the corner, fairy on the top,
starry lights burning bright and parcels, neatly tied, nestle underneath waiting for eager hands to reach out and declare them the best.
Fingers trace the faces, those images from the past.
I brush away time
and teenagers, faces lit by smiles and alcohol, reach unsteadily for parcels
lovingly wrapped.
Mother sits watching, hoping for a kiss and a hug
While Father rushes to capture the moment in colour before it is lost as teenagers move quickly into another time.
Eyes drink in the moments of magic, of innocence.
Of another life when anything seemed possible.
Hands hold onto memories the mind had hidden,
of Father, or is it Santa, creeping into rooms where children hide beneath the sheets pretending to sleep.
Where sacks are left in the wrong rooms and Santa would be arrested if he drank all that wine.
Of crackers pulled and silly jokes, hats that fall over your eyes and brand new games and tears that fall when little boys don't win.
I brush away time
and the tree is in the corner, fairy on the top.
Starry lights, still burning bright, cast shadows on a face immortalised in a frame.
Eyes still alight with laughter, smile trying to break free, the blush of youth imprisoned behind glass silently watching the presents,
lovingly wrapped, nestling under the tree.

But Mother isn't waiting for a hug or kiss this year.
And Father isn't capturing the moment in colour.

gone away by the offspring

maybe in another life
i could find you there
pulled away before your time
i cant deal its so unfair
and it feels
and it feels like
heavens so far away
and it feels
yeah it feels like
the world has grown cold
now that you've gone away
leaving flowers on your grave
shows that i still care
but black roses and hail marys
cant bring back whats taken from me
i reach to the sky
and call out your name
and if i could trade
i would
and it feels
and it feels like
heavens so far away
and it stings
yeah it stings now
the world is so cold
now that you've gone away

gone away by the offspring

maybe in another life
i could find you there
pulled away before your time
i cant deal its so unfair
and it feels
and it feels like
heavens so far away
and it feels
yeah it feels like
the world has grown cold
now that you've gone away
leaving flowers on your grave
shows that i still care
but black roses and hail marys
cant bring back whats taken from me
i reach to the sky
and call out your name
and if i could trade
i would
and it feels
and it feels like
heavens so far away
and it stings
yeah it stings now
the world is so cold
now that you've gone away

A Little Ditty

Little Ditty

Little Ditty for a support group "junkie"

Chat rooms, grief books, support emails, some heavy and some light,
have kept me from feeling isolated especially late into the night.
As I sit at my computer by the window reading and responding to my "new kin,"
passerby neighbors who may see me have no idea what lies within.
Outward appearances are so deceptive, I have to give a smile,
but I get such comfort here in this transparent world, if only for a while.
My new unseen friends are a lot like me, and they span across the globe,
It's amazing how comfortable I am "chatting" with them as I sit here in my
robe!
Inventions may come and go and we all have our favorite one,
For me it's the Internet which I use to help me deal with the loss of my son.
I'll send this little ditty to all my friends who I'll never get to meet but
on whom I lean,
And I'd like to say thank you and God bless us all, who read this on their
screen.

Alice Stephens
Colin Stephens mum

"Choices"

I didn't write this, but it is very comforting - Alice

CHOICES

God could have stopped you as you picked up the gun,
By gently whispering,"It's not your time son".
Just willing you to put the gun away
And face the challenge of another day.
But He knew that your spirit was sadly broken
Although the words had never been spoken.
He also knew that you were seeking his face
And the promise of life in a better place.
So as a tear rolled from his eye,
He whispered, "I'll just be standing by.
I will not encourage nor interfere,
Just feel my presence standing near.
For with all the miracles I can do,
I must leave this choice up to you.
If you feel that you just cannot go on,
I'll welcome you to your Heavenly home.
Though I would prefer that you could stay
To follow my life's plan for another day.
But I cannot promise all joy and wealth,
Or great happiness or robust health.
If you do not have the strength to carry on,
Maybe it is time to come to Heaven's home".
The man breathed a heavy sigh
And said, "I can no longer try".
As the trigger was pulled he heard a soft voice
"It's not my will son--but I accept your choice".


By Fran, Mom of Don

The New Road

The New Road
in memory of my son, Colin Stephens

I walk this new road of life trying to look straight ahead,
most of the time I manage, but sometimes I want to be led.
Most of the time my mind can't concentrate, seems that I've lost the knack,
but grief comes over me unexpectedly, like slipping on ice that is black.

To live in this new world of mine is like walking on a minefield, I tiptoe about,
I try to be careful on bad days not to open the photo albums lest I freak out.
Oh I know the minefield is there and what it can contain -
happy memories, laughter, but with that also comes such pain.

What do I do as the years go on, I want to see that face that used to smile at me,
I look at the face and close my eyes and know his memory will never ever flee.
I then say, "Get a grip, woman you're getting older by the hour why do you fret?"
Just hold on to your faith, you know in your soul God's promise will be met.

So I turn it around, the crying, longing and reading books on grief,
I'm in a good place now tonight, calmer with this comfort, my remaining time here is brief!
We're here for a purpose and what mine is I'm still searching to find out,
I think I'm slowly "getting it" but it's been a struggle, of that there is no doubt.

We cried when we were born to this earth so many years ago,
We were thrust into this new place and and our hearts did feel some woe.
We had to leave the safety of our mother's womb where we felt safe and sound,
YET! there is another birth ahead for us, and our real home we will at last have found.

When all the advice is given and all the self-help books have been read,
I'll hold on to all that is really left, God's promise and all that He has said.

Alice Stephens
December 2, 2003

title unknown

God saw you getting tired,
And a cure was not to be,
So he put his arms around you
And whispered"Come to me"

He said your place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that you had to leave behind
All those you truly loved.

With tearful eyes we watched you
And saw you pass away
Although we loved you dearly
We could not make you stay.

Take her in your arms,Dear God,
Treasure her with care,
Make up for what she suffered,
And all that was unfair.

You'll never be forgotten.
For that we could never do,
As long as life and memories last,
We'll always cherish you.

For Mark

I do not need a special day to bring you to my mind.
The days I do not think of you are very hard to find.
Each morning when I awake I know that you are gone.
And no one knows the heartache as I try to carry on.
My heart still aches with sadness and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you no one will ever know.
My thoughts are always with you, your place no one can fill.
In life I loved you dearly; in death I love you still.

Mark Hulston 25/03/82 – 17/12/99

He's Not Lost

God gave him a smile and took his hand
And welcomed him to a familiar land
And though for his familiar voice you yearn
And every day you wish for his return,
He is home at last, comforted by the love
Of every angel in Heaven above,
He sheds no tears for the path he trod,
For he has found everlasting warmth,
beauty and comfort in the hands of God.

He's not lost

i was born

i was born of two sexes, my cradle was the earth, mr gentle loving mother give me life blood after birth. to take and draw on freely, for my needs she knew, in the comfort of your love for me i thrived and grew.then parting fate appears as i sometimes does,and ripped me cruelly from the bosom of earths love. and cast me with the masses, in misery and despair, though many more are with me im notof their care, because i wait alone unjustly as it seems, deaths around the corner, no hope for me no dreams. just the sharp blade of destruction, is to be my fate,but i will die a happy man gladdened more because i know you care.