L27 A Siblings Grief for young Adults C13R1404

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends See the TCF Leaflet Coping with Special Occasions available to view online a t www.tcf.org.uk/specialoccasions It can be upsetting when friends or distant family sometimes forget or fail to acknowledge key milestones such as the anniversary of our sibling’s passing, or to even mention our sibling anymore. Have they forgotten our sibling, or do they remember but are afraid of upsetting us? We might need to take the initiative to talk about our sibling. As time goes by Each of us will find our own ways of living with grief while carrying on with life, but one thing is certain: our life will never be the same again. Grief is a bit like a rollercoaster ride – sometimes up, sometimes down. Arriving at a down time when we thought we had been coping can be discouraging. However, this is normal. Major life events like marriages, births or other deaths, or world events such as the pandemic, can be triggers. It can be hard to carry on with the everyday routine of life, such as going to college or work. We might wonder why we should bother with these things — they might seem unimportant in comparison with our sibling’s death. On the other hand, some of us welcome having something to keep us busy. It will take time to adjust to the changes in our life, including in family relationships and perhaps even our own identity. We might feel pessimistic about the future. Not everyone feels like this, but some of us have found that our priorities have changed. This could set us apart from our friends and peers whose life journey is different. We may find ourselves trying to fill the space that has been left by our sibling and feel driven to do as much as possible, as if to make up for the things they have missed. Putting ourselves under pressure in this way is rarely a good idea. We must be true to ourselves, our own personalities, and our own hopes for the future.