UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk something that we cannot fix. Our child has died and we cannot bring them back. Being unable to do anything about our loss can feel like torture to us. It may help if we remind ourselves that we are doing something - we are getting through the day, surviving. We need to allow ourselves to grieve, whatever shape this grief takes. Our ego may not like it, especially if we believe we should be strong. As men, we may not like to show our feelings as we may think it shows weakness. We tend to keep our cards close to our chest, not revealing if we are hurting. We may also want to appear on top of things for the sake of our loved ones, especially our partner or our child’s other parent. However, keeping our feelings to ourselves does not usually work out well. Feelings that are suppressed can eventually surface in unhealthy and unhelpful ways. Holding things inside can lead to problems with our mental health. For this reason, it’s worthwhile exploring ways to express our grief, whether privately, and/or with our partner or a trusted friend. It can take strength to face our feelings. In the long run, we will be glad we did. Finding safe ways of coping Grieving doesn’t necessarily mean breaking down crying, although many of us do sob very frequently after our child dies, perhaps in private. On the other hand, some of us cry very few tears in those bewildering early days. Each of us feels immense pain, but we all express our grief in our own ways. We may look for ways to escape the pain, turning to drink or drug use, gambling, sex - anything to keep sorrow at bay. These might seem to work for the moment, but often we will feel worse afterwards. In the long run they will not solve our grief. They could instead make it even harder to deal with. Along with allowing ourselves time to grieve, what we need most is to look after ourselves, including our mental health. This is for our own sake and for anyone else in our lives who needs us. Some of us seek solitude, but others find it important not to be alone with our thoughts for too long. If we end up overwhelmed and feeling that we cannot keep living like this, then we should get some help. (More on this below)
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