UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk therefore being a father involves having regrets, sometimes big regrets. If our child had grown to adolescence or into adulthood, we may have had difficulty understanding them and seeing life the way they did. It can be difficult to come to terms with the fact that we are not perfect. Nobody’s perfect. But we have always loved our child. We did the best we could for them. Anger It’s normal to feel very angry following our child’s death. We can fly into rages or stay in a state of slower burning anger for hours, days or weeks on end. We are hurt and are lashing out. We can fire our anger at the wrong target, saying or doing things that we come to regret. We can lose a job, lose a friendship or even a relationship, and yet we are in so much pain we almost don’t care. We tell ourselves that it’s not as if our life could get much worse anyway. Finding a safe outlet for these feelings is important to avoid harm to ourselves or others. Vigorous activities such as running or manual labour can offer a release. We may choose to do these activities alone. However, it may also be helpful to find those we can exercise or work alongside, at least occasionally. This will prevent us from becoming isolated. The People Around Us Our partner “My partner and I found that we were on different grief journeys. We had to allow each other to travel in our own way.” Each member of a couple will not always be in the same emotional state, experiencing the same intensity of grief, at the same time. We will probably grieve in very different ways for at least some of the time. Being out of step with our partner is not unusual, but it can cause us to feel alone in the relationship. We will need to allow each other space to grieve in our own ways. We cannot “fix” our partner, nor take away their sorrow, and neither can they do this for us. The way forward is through love, patience and being there for each other, no matter how we are each expressing our grief.
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