UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk Other children If we have other children, they will be trying to deal with the loss of their sibling in their own way. Children may show their grief differently to adults, but their suffering will be just as deep. We may find it hard to understand what is going on with them, especially teenagers and older children. We need to support and guide them in any way we can, according to their age and maturity, and include them when we talk about their sibling who died. If we have lost our only child, or all of our children have died, we may suffer an intense double grief: both the loss of our child and, if we have no grandchildren, the loss of our family’s future. It may take us some time to find our footing and a way forward. Helping ourselves “I was tempted to make immediate decisions, like scattering our child’s ashes or clearing their room. Then it struck me that there is no rush. It has been better to wait and feel my way through. Now I’m in calmer waters, I can think straight and make better choices.” Keeping our child’s memory alive We may wish to spend some time on activities and projects centred on the memory of our child. These could be private and mostly for us personally, such as putting together a photo album or arranging for a tree to be planted, or they could be for the benefit of others. Many of us want something positive to come out of something so terrible. We might feel moved to do something useful related to our child’s death, such as raising public awareness about a health condition, raising money for a charity, or campaigning about something important to us or our child. This gives us a focus and honours our child’s name and memory. On a more personal level, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Father’s Day and other times of celebration can be hard, particularly in the first few years. Whenever there is a gathering of any kind, the fact that our child is missing can feel particularly stark. We may want to find ways to include the memory of our child on these occasions. This could be as simple as raising a glass or telling stories about them.
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