UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk Our physical loss “The Chinese count the first nine months in the womb as part of their baby’s age. My connection with my little one began earlier than with anyone else, including my partner. Other people also mourn my child, but my own loss is uniquely painful.” Before giving birth to our children, we carried them in our wombs. Our bodies were a source of nourishment. There is an actual physical connection between a mother and her unborn baby. It is unsurprising then that many of us, at least in the early days of our bereavement, feel the loss of our child as an intense physical pain. The anniversaries of their birthday can become lonely and difficult times, because these particular memories are special to us. This is something that even close family members or friends may not be able to fully comprehend. If we have been bereaved of a small or school-aged child, or an adult child with special needs, our life may now change considerably. There may be blank spaces in our daily routine that we struggle to fill. These times will always remind us of the absence of our dear child. If we have been bereaved of an adult child, they may have been living their own life separately from us in their own home, perhaps with a partner or children of their own. Our relationship may have developed into a mature friendship; it might have been close or may have been more distant. We miss them and the interactions we had together, however regular or sporadic they might have been. We may also need to adjust to changes in our relationship with their family if they had one. If our child was an adult, we may miss the support they gave us as well as their company or sharing an interest with them that was our special bond. Some of us have adopted or fostered our child, cherishing them as any birth children. These mothers often say that their child grew in their hearts, as they went through the process of longing and waiting for them. Bereavement can bring back the pain of the earlier distress of infertility, before the child joined the family. This is an added sadness.
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