After Suicide

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Every year many young people, faced with a crisis, feel that they cannot bear to go on living. Most will survive a suicide attempt; some will not. The death of a child is always shattering, but suicide is a particularly cruel form of death for the surviving family and friends. We are often left with the seemingly unanswerable question, Why? Even if a note has been found which attempts to explain this drastic action, our minds regularly go over and over what we could have done to prevent this tragedy. We feel a strong sense of guilt. What was wrong with our parenting that led to this despair? How have we failed our children in their upbringing? They were our loved children. For us families of children who have died from suicide, we have the additional stress of coping with the police, post-mortem, inquest, media and reactions of others. Unfortunately, suicide is still viewed unsympathetically by many people. We sometimes have to listen to thoughtless comments, however well meaning, such as how selfish are those who take their own lives. (See The Compassionate Friends (TCF) leaflet, Coping with judgemental attitudes.) Such statements are wounding for us, as we know that suicidal men and women often leave notes that show that they genuinely believe that their families will be better off without them. The early days No parent is ever prepared for the death of their child. Even for those families who have lived for years with mental or physical illness, and/ or repeated attempts at self-destruction, the actual death is a profound shock. Sometimes it comes with no warning; the police are at the door telling us something we can hardly begin to believe. Some parents may not have seen their child for months or even years; for others, their lives were closely entwined and their child lived, and perhaps died, in the family After suicide