After Suicide

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk home. Each suicide has its own story, but the common threads are the feelings of numbness, shock and disbelief. Then comes the relentless questioning. Most parents are tormented by looking for reasons for their child’s decision, and there is nearly always a huge element of self-blame in the questions that chase round in our minds. Close family and friends will sometimes feel that we are being too harsh on ourselves, and they do not understand our grief. On the other hand, sometimes we may feel that they are blaming us. We are filled with anger and we seek for convincing explanations – a broken relationship, inadequate mental health care, bullying, pressure of exams, employment problems, online suicide chatrooms etc. How could they have done this to themselves and us? We feel a continuing need to search for explanations. The funeral and memorial service Careful preparation and guidance, from sympathetic family, friends or ministers of religion, can help us to focus on our child’s life rather than the manner of his or her death. A memorial service can be held at a later date, which will provide us with enough time to consider an appropriate thanksgiving for remembering our child. Some of our children may have made their wishes known before they died, perhaps even on social media postings, and we can draw comfort from complying with these. Their friends and siblings can be a good source of help in suggestions for readings and music. The inquest An inquest or investigation will be held following a death by suicide. Usually the proceedings are opened immediately, and the actual hearing can take place many months after the death. Waiting for and then taking part in the inquest will evoke strong emotions and vivid memories. We may not agree with the verdict, which adds to our distress. As death from suicide inevitably involves the police and, quite likely, the Coroner (the Procurator Fiscal in Scotland), there is frequently media interest, as the Coroner’s Court is open to the press and public.