After Suicide

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk Talking to our children It will depend on the age of any surviving children as to how we explain to them about the death from suicide. While we may not wish to burden them with too many distressing details, it is essential that they hear the truth from us, rather than finding out in the school playground, in the newspaper, on television or on social media. We need to find a way of avoiding saying something that they will later discover was a lie or pretence. We will want to ensure that others close to them are giving a similar explanation. This may necessitate talking to their teachers, families of their friends, and any other leaders of leisure activities which they attend. As the children grow older, their understanding of death and suicide will mature, and we can talk to them in an age-appropriate way. We should not try to explain too much to younger children, but reply sensitively to their questions, reassuring them that they are loved and we share their grief over the loss of their brother or sister. Older children may find it very difficult to articulate their thoughts and emotions with us or with other brothers and sisters. They may feel angry with their dead sibling for causing all this sadness and disruption for the family, and blame us or themselves for not being able to prevent the death. Sometimes they will fear that they too may come to want to end their lives. In fact, we parents can have a dread that this could happen again, and we watch our surviving children with anguish and foreboding. It is often better if they are able to talk to some trusted people outside the immediate family, as they may not want to add to our grief by communicating their fears to us. Adult children sometimes feel that they cannot or should not feel as much grief as their parents. Their reaction may be to avoid mentioning their sibling, for fear of upsetting us. This can be hurtful, but we have to realise that they are trying to protect us. It can be helpful if they are able to meet siblings from other families who have suffered a similar tragedy.