UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk 5 How colleagues may react “There was an awkward silence during the first days, but gradually conversations became more natural.” Most of us have found that it helps if those we work with have been told about our child’s death. It can be very upsetting if someone casually asks why we have been off work or assumes we have been away on holiday. We may want people to acknowledge our child’s death or we may prefer to be left to get on with our work. We may want to try to leave our grief at the door of our workplace, shutting down everything to do with what has happened and wishing no comment or sympathy from others. This can work for some of us, for a time anyway. On the other hand, if our bereavement is ignored, we could feel resentful or hurt. Silence on the part of workmates is often due to them struggling to find words, perhaps because the mere thought of losing a child is too terrible to contemplate. It is hard when our colleagues retreat into silence, and it may be up to us to make the first move in bringing up the subject. We should be aware that employers or colleagues may react differently depending upon the age of our child. There may be less understanding or empathy if our child was an adult. The way our child died can also affect people’s reactions. If there has been media coverage about the death, such as if it was due to suicide, a traffic incident, or other sudden event, there may be curiosity as well as embarrassment, with everybody feeling uncomfortable. Again, perhaps a lead from us, or from a sympathetic colleague, can help to lessen the awkwardness. Hopefully this subject has already been discussed with our manager or Human Resources department. As time goes by, we hope others will take their cues from us. When we manage to smile and chat again (although we may be putting on a pretence for a while), they will feel more comfortable and will react in a more natural way than when we first returned. Tolerance and understanding shown to us can lessen the stress considerably. The Compassionate Friends (TCF) leaflet Helping a bereaved employee shows a number of ways in which we can be supported at this difficult time. Perhaps a copy could be passed amongst our workmates for them to get a better understanding.
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