One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends 6 Relationships in the workplace “I worked together with a close colleague. I felt really supported – it was exactly the right way for me to return to work.” Most of us find that relationships with our work colleagues change when we first return to work. We feel alienated and they feel awkward. The usual trivial conversations which are part of most workplaces may irritate or distress us, and we may have trouble relating to things that seem important to others. We may not wish to join them for social occasions outside work. If we are asked and refuse too often, they may stop asking. It is also difficult if people make insensitive remarks, such as unfortunate comparisons with the death of a pet or other loss that feel insignificant compared to the loss of our child. We feel annoyed by this thoughtlessness but have no easy way to show how hurt we are without making everyone even more uncomfortable. We may be able to avoid resentment building against people for their insensitivity by communicating openly with them, or, if necessary, with our line manager. Our grief may make us more vulnerable, which in turn could make us a target for workplace bullying, such as an attempt to undermine our position in the organisation. We may consider discussing the matter with our manager or Human Resources in the first place. If we are not satisfied with the action taken, we may then have to seek help from outside. The Citizens’ Advice Bureau or a Trade Union representative may be able to advise. Fortunately, many of us do find that our work colleagues offer us kindness and companionship. In fact, the building of friendships and the encouragement to keep going can sometimes be crucial in helping us back on our feet again. How grief may affect our working life “I was surprised at first, but I actually found it okay putting on my suit and driving to a meeting. My life had been in such a state of complete upheaval. This now felt like a touch of normality. I was back.” Some of us find a sense of relief going back to work. It can help give our daily life structure and routine. Sometimes, just putting on our usual work clothes,
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