UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk 7 the semblance of normality, can give us enough impetus to start each day. “Putting on the uniform” may help to give our emotions a sort of camouflage, where we can put everything on hold for a few hours. On the other hand, keeping up a front like this can be exhausting emotionally. If we’re “playing a role” at work, we will need to find other places and people where we just can be ourselves. Our work output may change. This can be a cause of frustration or discouragement, but it is actually quite common amongst the bereaved. We are enduring deep grief for our dear child. Grief can cause fatigue, both mental and physical. We may struggle to concentrate. At times we may find we have less patience and tolerance for others. We may lack self-confidence when making decisions. If we are working for ourselves, we may find it difficult to complete projects. Some of us find working in a public-facing role to be particularly tough, especially in the early days. We cannot predict the comments or situations we will face. No matter what arises, we will have to keep our own emotions hidden. If we struggle to manage this, we will need to discuss it with our employer. They might be able to find us work that does not involve direct contact with the public. Some of us return to work only to find that it is too much to cope with, or we may initially manage, but then face increasing difficulty as time passes. We may need to take a longer break. If we cannot manage, we could discuss our situation with our employer and/or our GP. Difficult times In the course of each year there will be time periods when we feel more vulnerable. There will be difficult dates such as birthdays and anniversaries. We may consider taking time off for our own well-being on some occasions. Public holidays can be challenging. It may seem that everyone is in a party mood preparing for Christmas or other festivals, whilst we feel bleak and miserable. We may have to explain that this is a very painful time of year for us and that we find it impossible to join in the usual festivities. Holidays can also be problematic. We will have had more time on our own. Upon our return, we may be in a more fragile state than before and need to renew our initial return-to-work efforts. Unavoidable events such as an inquest for our child, which may happen months or even years after our bereavement, will also need explanation and support, and probably time off work.
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