One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends 8 The future As time passes, colleagues may not realise that our acute grief is continuing. They may not understand that grief is a rollercoaster, and there is no time frame. We may find that, as the months pass, those we work with expect us to be “over it” or “better” and that we should no longer be showing signs of our grief and distress. When we feel strong enough, we may find it helpful to explain to our colleagues how to be supportive, such as the type of comments we find reassuring and constructive, and those that make us sad. Grief is unpredictable and can surface at unexpected and inappropriate times. We need to be gentle with ourselves, not demanding more than we can give at any given time. We will eventually develop our own ways of coping and learn to be more resilient. However, at times we might still need to reassess how we are managing. Some of us who quite successfully managed an early return to work might find that sometime later we are physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. That may be the time to consider a break or early retirement, if this is a possibility for us. Many of us may question the meaning and importance of our work in the face of our loss. The world seems a different place. The way we view life and the things we now value might have changed. We may decide that our present line of work will not offer us the fulfilment that it did previously and that a change might help us. We may take extended leave to think about our future or resign from that particular job and look for another one that we think will offer us more satisfaction. On the other hand, we may decide to stay in the same job, feeling that its familiarity gives us stability and comfort. It takes time and thought to decide how we see our future working life. Many of us discover that going to work, whether in our existing job or some new employment, reduces our sense of isolation. It can help as we struggle to adjust to our new life. We may find satisfaction and meaning in our work-related accomplishments, which helps rebuild our sense of self-worth. All of this is so important as we struggle to find a way forward without our precious child. Remember you are not alone Whatever you are going through, you are not alone. Join in a support group organised by The Compassionate Friends (TCF) online, in person or on social media. Speaking with other bereaved parents and hearing about their experiences can help you navigate your own working life. See more details on the back page.
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