The Bereaved Parent and Their Faith

UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | www.tcf.org.uk Sadly, not all of us experience such great support. In some congregations, even if things start out well, support tapers off quickly, perhaps even as soon as after the funeral. This can be because of an expectation – or a wish – that we will quickly return to ‘normal’. However, our grief as bereaved parents is likely to be prolonged and intense, and it would be very helpful if our fellow believers realised this. Whatever the extent or limits of practical support that is offered, there can be a more general issue about how people react to us. We need people to acknowledge how terrible it is for us to have lost a child. Glib, clichéd responses on the lines of how our child is at peace might be well-meaning and even comforting, but they may also cause us great hurt. This type of comment can feel quite dismissive of the depth of the trauma we are going through. In some cases, our child’s life choices or the way they died could also result in outright or implied criticism, which is certainly not going to help us as we grieve. Some of us find that explaining how these comments make us feel helps people react more appropriately; others of us just step away and avoid continuing such unhelpful conversations. If we are attending services but finding it difficult to speak with people, we might consider sitting at the back, or perhaps arriving a few minutes late or leaving just before the end. Hopefully we will not have to continue these avoidance strategies for long. We may want to give a copy of the TCF leaflet on Helping Bereaved Parents – Suggestions for Professionals to the ministers or pastoral support team of our faith community: www.tcf.org.uk/professionals