UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk If our sibling had children, we may feel some responsibility towards them. This may be particularly the case if they had no partner. If they had a partner, maintaining a relationship with our sibling’s children may depend somewhat on them. In the immediate aftermath of our sibling’s death, arrangements will have been made for their funeral and other matters. If our sibling was married or had a civil partner, their partner will have been responsible for these arrangements. If our parent was our sibling’s legal next of kin, then arrangements will have been up to them. Either way, we may or may not have been included in plans that were made. Siblings are sometimes the “forgotten mourners”, and our opinions may not have been taken into account. We may have been quite content with how things were organised, but we may have had misgivings or objections. For instance, there could have been religious elements in the ceremony that we do not think our sibling would have wanted. In some ways, we might feel we knew our sibling better than almost anyone else, and that we must protect them, even in death. This is just one example. Overall, it is not unusual for siblings to feel sidelined, with the main focus being on the grief of our parents or our sibling’s partner and children. It will take time to adjust to the new realities of life without our sibling. Different ways of grieving “When my brother died suddenly, my mother’s primary reaction was anger at being abandoned. He had been the one who was closest to her. It was sad to see her extreme emotions, but I also felt devalued because of how she seemed to barely notice that I was still here.” It is widely recognised that there are many differences in how people grieve. These may be connected to gender, culture, generation, previous experiences of grief, or individual differences in personality. Throughout our lives we have absorbed messages from our family, community and society as a whole about what “healthy” grief looks like, but in reality, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Our parents or other siblings may grieve very differently from us. • Their reactions may seem out of character • They might express more or less emotion than we are comfortable with
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