UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk raising a toast at a special meal, or serving a dish they enjoyed. Keeping their memory alive in this way can feel comforting and is important to us. Nevertheless, special events can also bring differences of opinion between family members. For instance, some parents may not realise that although we want our sibling to be acknowledged, it’s important to allow some events to be celebratory, and primarily focused on other members of the family, including ourselves. Hopefully, with open discussion, we can come up with compromise solutions and plans that everyone is reasonably happy with. Looking to the future “I hadn’t anticipated the grief of not getting to be an auntie.” Following our sibling’s death, our expectations for the future may have been altered. We might face the prospect of supporting sick or ageing family members without our sibling’s help. Major life events, such as getting married or having children, will now take place without our sibling’s presence and support. Their death may mean that our parents will not become grandparents. Alternatively, our parents may struggle with the fact of having grandchildren, but not from the child who has died. There is a human tendency to dwell on a version of the future that would have been better – perhaps making assumptions about the things our sibling would have done had they lived. The future we are facing up to is very different from the one we had imagined or wanted. But this doesn’t mean that it cannot include happy moments and meaningful experiences, love and fulfilment, alongside the pain of missing our sibling. We will carry the memory of our sibling with us forever. Finding ways to walk alongside our family members as we all grieve – even if at times we see things differently – can help give us the strength to carry on. Details of support for siblings (18 years or over) from The Compassionate Friends can be found here: tcf.org.uk/siblings
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