Grieving Child Loss in Blended and Step Families

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Whenachildof anyagedies, asparentsweareheartbroken. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and our particular family environment can add a layer of complexity to the process of coping with our grief. Our current partner may not be our first. They may be the step-parent of our natural children, and may have also brought their own children into our household. Our child could have come into our life through adoption or fostering. Our child may not live under our roof, but with their other parent from our former relationship. Our adult children may live in blended families of their own. Negotiating life in a blended family has its own challenges as we manage our various relationships. It is not surprising that coping with the loss of a child in this environment also brings its own complexities. Our child’s step-parent We are all individuals and cope differently with grief. The process of readjustment to a life without our deceased child or children may not be the same for our partner, whether or not our partner is the child’s other biological parent. Still, a parent’s bond with their child begins before birth, and it is only natural that a child’s step-parent, who has not been there from the beginning, will have a slightly different relationship to our own. There is no experience more devastating to a parent than losing a child. When our child was not that of our partner, we may experience some feelings of isolation as we realise that our partner, no matter how supportive, and no matter how much they are grieving in their own way, cannot completely share in all we are going through. It is important to communicate our needs to our partner at this time. Without this communication, they may be at a loss as to how to best support us, and may even feel that we are pushing them away as we seem totally absorbed in our grief, particularly in the early period of shock at our loss. Grieving Child Loss in Blended and Step Families