Grieving Child Loss in Blended and Step Families

UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | www.tcf.org.uk When we are the step-parent of the child that died If we are the step-parent of the child who has died we may feel totally inadequate as to how to support our partner as we will not be feeling the loss in the same way. We may have loved our step-child dearly and perhaps even brought them up from a young age, but the truth is that they are not our natural child and so we may find it hard to comprehend the magnitude of the loss. If we have our own children, we may need to understand that for our partner it may be very painful to see life continuing as normal for us and our children, and that this new way of living without their child will take time and patience. We may experience feelings of guilt that this happened to our partner’s child and not to one of our natural children. Such feelings can increase our sense of helplessness. We may feel that our partner is not giving us time or attention anymore as they will be lost in their grieving and we may end up feeling resentful and hurt that they don’t seem to need us. We may also want to spend even more time with our own children as we will be so aware of the affect the loss of our partner’s child is having. Again, this can be particularly hard for our partner as it will be something they will never be able to experience again with their own child. (See the TCF leaflet The Death of a Step-Child for more on this.) Supporting the children of our blended family following the loss of a child For the children of the blended family, there will be separate issues to address following the loss of the child in the family. For both natural and step siblings, there will be the agony and heartache that comes from trying to cope with the loss of their sibling. For the step-siblings there may also be feelings of guilt that they are still alive, accompanied by confusion as to how to behave in the face of their step-parent’s grief. Please see the TCF leaflet, Our Surviving Children , for more advice on helping children cope with the loss of their sibling.