Grieving Child Loss in Blended and Step Families

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Other family members Many of us are part of an extended family – parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts. When we marry, the circle grows to include in-laws. If in time we separate and live with a new partner, the extended family may grow even more, with another set of relations. We might expect with such a diverse family circle, that there would be plenty of support for us, but this is not always the case. Some families come together at times of tragedy; others find that pre-existing conflicts are amplified. This can be hard for us to deal with when we are in the midst of raw grief. We might find ourselves disappointed or even angry at their reactions, at petty disagreements that have not been resolved despite the enormity of our loss, at those who do not seem to grasp just how profoundly we have been affected by the loss of our child. It is likely that everyone is grieving, but in their own way. The love of families can help pull us through, but if it is not forthcoming, we can seek our comfort elsewhere. As a mother or father who has lost a child, we need to take care of ourselves, and not feel overly responsible for the wider circle of family members. Going forward We may discover that our tragic loss binds our blended family together in new ways, despite the complexity of our relationships. We go forward, finding our footing in a world that has been forever changed by the loss of our child. Finding ways to keep our child’s memory alive in our home and family can bring us comfort. We learn to live with our grief as best as we are able. (See TCF Leaflet, Living with Grief , for more on this.) Communicating with other bereaved parents can help us realise that we are not alone in what we are experiencing. The TCF forum and private Facebook pages are safe places online to express our feelings and listen to others (Visit www.tcf.org.uk f or more information). Connecting with others who can appreciate and understand what we are going through can be a great support. Some of us may turn to helplines, such as The Compassionate Friends (TCF) Helpline or a national or local bereavement service. Our heartbreak of the loss of our child will be at the centre of our life for a long while, but as time passes, we will feel better able to manage the “new normal” in our blended family. We will be able to live in love with our partner and surviving children, whether biological or step-children, or both, and enjoy our lives together. The love we all share can be part of the memorial for our dear deceased child, who will always be a part of us and of our family .