Childless Parents Newsletter, Autumn 2020

Newsletter for Childless Parents | www.tcf.org.uk 10 Dylan decided to try out DJing, so he did a 3-day intensive course in London and bought himself his first set of turntables. Down came the LPs, and new ones appeared. And, once again, there was music in the house. An abiding recent memory of Dylan is watching him from my bedroom window as he’d leave the house early in the morning, on his way to work. He’d walk across the road, beanie or cap on his head, shrugging himself into his jacket, zipping it up, swinging his rucksack onto his back. Then, plugging himself into his earphones, he’d round the corner out of my sight. Plugged in, he was as happy as a lark. Not long after Dylan died at the end of January 2017, he’d introduced his cousin Kevin to using the twin turntables and CD decks. It was a new connection for them both. With eleven years between them, their friendship had only just started to take shape. Now Kevin has Dylan’s newest kit of turntables and decks, and is well into developing his skills, mixing and mashing. Dylan’s friend Will, who was his music-mate from the age of 15, has the vast majority (of a vast collection) of Dylan’s LPs and CDs. I’ve kept a few for myself. We played Bachata Rosa, Bob Dylan, and Kosheen at Dylan’s funeral. Recently, I have been able to listen to music again and, I expect one day I’ll be able to unpack the CDs and LPs I’ve kept for me, and listen to them. There will be tears, no doubt, but I look forward to just sitting back, with his earphones on and remembering how it was. Maggie, Dylan’s Ma It’s that scene near the end that gets me every time. The scene where Alex realises that she is actually dead and won’t see her daughter Molly again. I used to find that a tough scene but these days it is even harder. The emotion you see in Alex Drakes face (Keeley Hawes really is a fantastic actress) makes my stomach flip over as it is the realisation I hide from myself every day, the fact that I will never see my son Oliver again. The interaction between Alex and her daughter Molly throughout the 3 series is something I can identify with at a certain level too now. I know this is a story and losing Oliver is real but that just shows the strength of the writing and acting in the show. I cling on to both Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes with a firm grip, watching them almost on a constant loop. The simple reason for that is that I want to believe that wherever my son is, he is with someone like DCI Gene Hunt who, despite his brash exterior and misogynistic comments, looks out for his team, would keep Oliver safe and is looking after him for me. What Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes mean to me