Childless Parents Newsletter, Autumn 2021

Newsletter for Childless Parents | www.tcf.org.uk 5 Grief Explained Grief is personal and individual, and every person experiences its nuances differently. Your personality, your support system, your natural coping mechanisms and many other things will determine how loss will affect you. There are no rules, no timetables, and no linear progression. Some people feel better after a few weeks or months, and for others it may take years. And in the midst of recovery there may be setbacks — this nonlinear process can’t be controlled. It’s critical that you treat yourself with patience and compassion and allow the process to unfold. Below you’ll find some insights into the stages and symptoms of grief. We’ve also collected some advice from professionals about how to best get through the grieving process. We hope that the following information will help you reach a place in your process where, in spite of your grief, you are better able to function and live on a daily basis. Grief is often described in stages, though each stage may last for a different period of time — for some people, the stages may be briefer or longer than for others, and some people may not experience all of them. But acknowledging that you may experience some or all of these stages will help you understand what may be happening. And you should not pass judgment on yourself or allow others to — you have the right to grieve and to fully experience your grief. Your feelings are normal, and it’s important to remember that at some point, it will get better. You may not get over your loss, but you will survive it. The five general stages of grief, as described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: Denial: This can’t be happening. Anger: Why did this happen? Who is to blame? Bargaining: Make this not happen and I will… Depression: I can’t bear this; I’m too sad to do anything. Acceptance: I acknowledge that this has happened, and I cannot change it. While the five stages of grief may appear to be steps in a process, they are not. Even Kübler- Ross said that the stages are not meant to neatly package up grief — there is no typical loss and no typical grief. Grieving is as individual as we are and is not a linear process. Grief indicators, the common signs and symptoms of grief Shock and disbelief: It’s hard to accept a death. You may feel numb and question whether the loss really happened — this isn’t unusual. Some have noted their initial reluctance to even notify others of a loss in case it turned out to be untrue. This is a normal reaction, as is still expecting someone to call or write or show up, even if intellectually you have accepted their death.