Childless Parents Newsletter, Spring 2022

Newsletter for Childless Parents | www.tcf.org.uk 9 Thankfully, the painful effect of this dulls with time. So perhaps that is a positive example to come from the lassitude of languishing; it brings with it an emotional numbness that may allow you to settle into a new way of being for a while, before you need to start to really feel things again. My suggested antidotes to languishing include many of the coping strategies which I detail for living with the grieving process in Living in the Mourning Light such as: • Set achievable goals; aim to do things which give you pleasure that you are not doing for anyone else, just yourself. In early grief this can be as simple as getting to the end of a day and writing down just one thing you have enjoyed that day. In a languishing period, you might decide to embrace a new challenge, such as the Couch25K programme or similar • Connect with others; we are social beings and isolation, whether through grief or Covid, does not suit us. Make a phone call or write a letter to a friend rather than taking the easier (and more distant) electronic options • Become immersed in a pleasurable task; this can be anything creative such as baking, painting or drawing, or going on a really mindful walk, taking notice of everything that you can see around you. Utilise all your senses: sight, smell, taste, touch and sound to get the most benefit, then record it in a journal • Take care of your self. The gap between your and self is intentional, emphasising the individual self. We are often too busy looking after others to notice how we are feeling (this is a great avoidance tactic in grief). Use mindful breathing and a simple mental body scan technique (easily found online) to assess which bits of you feel good, and where you are feeling stagnant and need energising.