Newsletter for Childless Parents, Summer 2020

Newsletter for Childless Parents | www.tcf.org.uk 13 pass? We can’t change the way other people see things. We just can’t. Everyone is different and everyone has their own experience and strength to draw on. Don’t let negativity stifle your smile and your humour. It’s difficult to be angry when you smile sincerely and it feels better to approach hard situations with a positive intent. It won’t always work but if you get the ratio right, you will find a balance. Cry Conversely, cry if you want to. It’s ok. Why not? Sometimes, holding back sadness and grief causes tension which in turn can be harmful. Let it go. Release those emotions. I don’t know why we stifle tears as much as we do. In my view they are a healthy reaction to emotion and I always feel cleansed after a good cry. Try to let go of Anger Anger is a heavy emotion and will stifle other things. Reason, perspective, good humour all get stifled by anger and like empty calories, it is a wasted emotion that serves no useful purpose. I get angry. I get angry lots but at silly things and it is fleeting. Be aware of this emotion. Acknowledge it and see if you can park it somewhere where you won’t trip over it. Tolerance When we are living in a constrained and alien environment perhaps we expect people to be more patient with us. We are finding our feet and we are in a stressful situation. I’ve been hoping that people will be more tolerant and patient with me for 6 years now so I think it’s time that I placed that in my armoury too. I’m not sure that I’m very good at it but I’m practising and I’m hoping that by the end of this I’ll have mellowed a bit more. We’ll see. I do think though that adding a bit of tolerance to the formula will ease things along a bit and that it fights off the tendency to react in anger. It’s a process I guess. And while we’re on the subject, how about a bit of patience with ourselves too? And a little sprinkling of self awareness and reflection. I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to be more accepting of myself and a bit more realistic. So I’m able to say that it isn’t the lack of time that prevents me going back to playing the piano. Nor, indeed, is it the lack of a piano. I just don’t want to. I enjoy sitting on my sofa, knitting and eating the occasional box of chocolates or two. There. I’ve said it. Please don’t judge me, but if you do, I’ll take it. I’m no longer kidding myself or anyone else. See? It’s quite cathartic. Breathe I always feel like I’m stating the bleeding obvious when I say this. But it’s true. We don’t breathe half as deeply as we should. Ironic I think, that at a time when we are all fighting a respiratory disease that I should be reminding the bereaved to breathe. There are scientific reasons why deep breathing is beneficial. Oxygen to the brain will help release positive endorphines... or something like that. I don’t really know the science stuff but you get my drift. More than that though, deep breaths give you time to reflect. It might help dispel negativity. It’s worth a try. Exercise and activity Ok, I’m fully prepared for those of you who know me to giggle at this one. The last person in the world who would be talking about the benefits of exercise right? Listen guys, like you, I know the theory and I know it’s good for you. Let’s just leave it at “do as I say and not as I do” and I’ll wait for the clever comments in response. We’re all fallible remember and we all have our own ways and this is a