Newsletter for Childless Parents, Summer 2020

Newsletter for Childless Parents | www.tcf.org.uk 3 I came across this blog extract while searching for Mothers Day articles in the last newsletter, so thought it would be right for this one. It was in “Still Standing” Magazine published in 2018 As we approach Fathers Day, I want to point out something I’ve realized that I think might go unnoticed by most of society: Bereaved dads are brave dads. The bravest dads. We talk a lot about what bereaved moms go through and how fierce they are as mothers. But the dads undoubtedly deserve more recognition than they get. The bereaved dads I know are truly incredible. They help the bereaved moms pick up the pieces of a life ravaged by grief, while simultaneously grieving themselves. They put on strong faces as they tell loved ones the news their partner may not be able to get off her lips. They go before her, preparing the way for her to cautiously re-enter social environments, setting expectations and cautioning others of what she can and cannot handle. They break down and get vulnerable with her when she needs to know she’s not the only one grieving. They give her space to grieve harder because it was her body that carried this child. Bereaved dads generally have to return to work sooner. They become masters of compartmentalization so they can competently do their jobs during the day and do the work of grieving when it feels safe to go there. They field endless questions of “how is your wife/partner doing?” for months after the loss, and answer them graciously despite the nagging voice in their heads saying “what about me?” If we moms feel the pressure to “get over it,” the dads feel it a hundredfold. Bereaved dads are brave dads. Remembering Dads on Fathers Day