Newsletter for Childless Parents, Summer 2020

Newsletter for Childless Parents | www.tcf.org.uk 9 that view. Take a look at the TCF Facebook pages and compare the number of men and women on there. Look at the paucity of posts from fathers compared to mothers. Why is that? Even the bereaved Dad’s page is ‘quiet’. I’m not saying that it is right or wrong, just illuminating it – saying what most blokes are probably thinking but haven’t said out loud. I think what that does is mask what fathers are really thinking and feeling, so we have no idea of the true position. Are we uncomfortable being open and honest? Do we see it as a sign of weakness? I don’t, but I imagine many do. On an average day I will be wearing full body armour, keeping me safe from the outside world. It comesoff for very fewpeoplebecause there is only a small handful of people that I can be open with, the rest will buckle under the pain that flows when I talk freely. Fathers Day will be no different, with the possible exception that I’ll keep out of everyone’s way. For the last 2 years, on Mothers Day friends rang, texted or e-mailed to see how Patsy was coping. On Fathers Day no-one got in touch. There is a wider expectation that I’ll be fine. This isn’t a plea for people to ring so please don’t, it’s a statement of fact. That is our world. If it bothered me enough, I would do something about it. Thankfully, in mid-April, few children have died from covid-19, so the number of parents joining our exclusive club is not growing rapidly. But thousands of families up and down the country are reflecting on the loss of a brother, husband or father and grandfather. It will be a different beast. For us bereaved fathers, or at least for me, it is just another day to get through without breaking. I’m not fighting for change, or trying to raise awareness of a father’s view. I don’t want to change the world. But I do want people to stop and think. If the churches are open again by Fathers Day, I may just go along and light a candle for Evie. I’ll certainly go and visit her grave. Talk to her for a bit then go home for a G&T. I’ll raise a toast to all bereaved fathers. By Bryan Clover, Evie’s Dad You can find out more and purchase Bryan Clover’s book Eggshells at www.tcf.org.uk/eggshells