Childless Parents Newsletter, Winter 2020

Newsletter for Childless Parents | www.tcf.org.uk 8 Thank you Jacqui for taking the time to share your thoughts with us I am sitting here on Halloween, thinking about Christmas, about my beautiful girl Becca, about her upcoming birthday that we will not get to celebrate with her, and the upcoming 2nd anniversary. As always, I sit here not knowing quite what I am going to write so I thought I would just tell you a little bit about Becca, and celebrations, as I don’t get to talk about her as much as I would like. I am sure quite a few of us can relate to that, I know that I watch people’s faces for their reactions when I do talk freely about Bec. I can almost physically see them squirm, see them worry, and then see them shut down out of fear of saying the wrong thing. Now don’t get me wrong, some have said the wrong thing, and it is upsetting & it hurts… but I would much rather they tried and got it wrong than didn’t say anything at all. Becca is still my girl, my world, and her being gone has not changed that. She may be dead now but for 22 years she lived, and I want to celebrate that, to remember her in all her glory… the good, the bad, and the absolutely fantastic! Becca was born on Christmas Eve 1996, a fact she loved and hated in equal measure. She loved Christmas, loved celebrating her birthday and Christmas in a big way, but also hated the fact that people were talking about Christmas long before her birthday! When she was eight, we moved into the house we live in now and the tradition began that one room was always left, without Christmas decorations, so that it could be decorated for her birthday. Becca loved to celebrate because she really did live life to the extremes… everything was the “best day of her life” of the “worst thing ever”. She had such extremes that it was sometimes hard to keep up but, looking back now, it is almost like she was trying to fit every moment of happiness into such a tragically short life… as my friend said to me just after we lost her “she lived twice as hard for half as long”. Becca loved presents. Now, it wasn’t that she was greedy, she would often tell people not to buy her anything, and always told us that we spent too much, but she found utter childlike joy in unwrapping something that she had desperately wanted or, even better, did not know she wanted but then fell in love with. She was a crier! She would squeal, and cry, and just be amazingly happy. That may sound like it could be annoying but it wasn’t, I promise. Bec was just utterly overwhelmed with emotion and it was a blessing to see. I particularly remember two present openings… one was quite recent; she was sat on our living room floor with a group of about 10 family members around her and given a large box. She looked confused but began opening… tentatively at first and then with more gusto… when one particular piece was open, she realised it was a picnic basket and the tears were immediate. She had wanted Becca… the good, the bad, and the absolutely fantastic!