Compassion, Summer 2020

Summer 2020 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 7 I realised my world and the way I lived my life had already changed dramatically beyond recognition five years ago in January 2015 when I lost my youngest son Fabian. At that time there was only ‘one topic of conversation’ – our loss of Fabian. That loss was “a new normal” which until that time had ‘simply been beyond my contemplation’. The same applies to every one of us who has lost a child or a sibling. Compared to that loss, this new normal feels, dare I say, like a walk in the park. It does not come close. As with all of you, when I lost my son, my world changed overnight. The huge difference is that my new normal could not be changed back to what it was before, by anyone or anything. There was no medication that could reverse what had happened and no vaccine that could take away that raw pain and grief of being a newly bereaved mum, dad, brother or sister. Our ‘new normal’ was and is permanent. This is my own view and experience of the current situation and I am very much aware that it will not be the same for all bereaved parents and siblings. We are all having our own experience of lockdown depending on our particular circumstances and difficulties that may have arisen both before and/or directly as a result of the Stay at Home edict. In particular, my thoughts at this time are very much with those who are newly bereaved and those parents and siblings who so very sadly will be bereaved by this current pandemic. We all know the loss of a child or sibling at any time is incomprehensible and the grief and sorrow throw up so many challenges. The current situation will inevitably create additional concerns and difficulties for so many newly bereaved. The need for social distancing makes many of the rituals that go with death impossible or at least extremely difficult. The inability to be surrounded by loved-ones at this time of need must be incredibly challenging. My heart goes out to all of you who are newly bereaved at this incredibly difficult time. I want to assure you that we at TCF are here for you today, during this time of crisis, just as we have been for the last 50 years. That brings me to our incredible charity. I have been so very impressed by how those that manage the day to day administration of TCF and our wonderful volunteers have adapted to the new normal and managed to ensure we continue to provide support to bereaved parents and siblings. Our face to face support groups have had to stop but thanks to our resourceful management and volunteer teams we have managed to move many of the support groups on-line. These support groups although no longer directly face to face, continue to provide the much needed peer to peer support. The TCF Helpline has remained open as before and our incredible helpline volunteers have been dealing on a daily basis with calls, including calls from those bereaved by reason of the current coronavirus pandemic. Thank you to all of you who provide support on the helpline. You provide an invaluable service for bereaved parents and siblings, whether their bereavement is recent or many years ago. TCF has also set up specific online support groups similar to the ones we run at our retreats. Please go on-line, take a look and sign up. And of course the Facebook pages have continued to be a source of support for so many. Crucially we have ensured that TCF is there for all parents and siblings during this time. You will see that our website has an extensive section entitled ‘Grieving during the Covid-19 Pandemic.’ This is an invaluable source of information and helpful advice for both the newly bereaved and those further along their grief path. My thanks to all those involved in putting this together.