Compassion, Autumn 2021

Autumn 2021 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 10 Book Reviews We are always looking for people who are willing to review books for us. If you can help please contact Mary at library@tcf.org.uk Memories of Max, a Father’s Story by Allan Buchanan Max was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia in 1993. He ‘recovered’ only to be diagnosed with a tumour called Rhabdomyes Sarcoma. Aged eight, he died in January 1997. Unusually, his father did not tell the story until twenty-three years later by self-publishing this book. He writes extremely well so it is all the more surprising that twelve publishers declined the book because it was “not a commercial proposition because of the content”. How sad that not one of them had the courage to stand up to their accountants. For many years decent publishers would produce “niche” books, knowing that the return would be slight relying, quite understandably, on the profits from more popular books. This book is well worth reading. Allan is totally honest. From notes jotted down at the time he tells us how he felt, how he behaved, how they all behaved - warts and all. The earlier chapters are harrowing, truly harrowing, and make very painful reading. Max suffered excruciating pain; his parents and younger sister, Paula, suffered almost as deeply, albeit in a different way. Like all of us who have lost children, he points out how inept some people can be, even family and friends. I was a circuit judge when my son, Joshua, died in 1996 and I found that the court staff on the whole had more empathy than many of my fellow judges. They meant well but some just could not cope. I remembered then how, when Josh’s elder brother Harry died many years before, some neighbours crossed the street rather than face me. Allan deals with this situation sensibly and wisely. If only people could be taught elementary lessons on how to deal with people in grief. Indeed, one of the strengths of this book is that anyone who has had to face such a grim, drawn out journey as the Buchanan family had to face, should be helped by reading about their experiences. Totally frank, Allan describes the four years before Max died in intimate and telling detail, bravely pointing out when the family behaved well and when they behaved less well. But perhaps the most useful part is the final chapters, thirty pages covering the twenty-