Compassion, Autumn 2021

Autumn 2021 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 13 sentence. Keep writing. Healing is not on a timetable. Time doesn’t fix this kind of loss. Healing comes from actively pursuing life again. After a while, you’ll look back on your words and not recognise the person you once were. You’ll see how strong you really are. I used to believe the cliche, ‘everything happens for a reason’, but with this kind of tragedy, it seems to be reversed. When a tragedy like this happens, it can be the starting place to give it reason and relevance. When you recognise this, it’s the moment grieving will shift. Imagine that. What would it feel like? I used to fantasise and picture my life without the pain by writing out that very question, what would it be like to feel peace around Garrett’s death? I would visualise myself without the veil of sorrow and allow the comfort of happiness to flow in. And for a brief moment, I could feel it. As time went on, I was able to reach that peaceful feeling more frequently. I had the power within the pages of my journal to compartmentalise my sorrow. Once you’re aware of what if feels like you’ll be able to access it more freely. It’s been decades since my beautiful son left this earth and sometimes tears still surprise me. But the work of healing has brought me a harmonious blend of resolution and comfort as my heart joyfully connects with the sweet ballad of his memories. Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never feel the sadness. It means you’ll be able to have memories without attaching intense despair. Use your journal as your safe place, and you’ll begin to form a new relationship with your child, telling stories and feeling the joy you once had when they were alive. I now look at the life of my son and marvel at his 16 years, 3 months and 10 days. His death was the birth of my new life… learning how to live with his loss, and recognising who I am because of it. I chose resilience and my journal was a big part of helping me rise up. My child’s loss helped me appreciate each single day. It taught me to reach out to others and begin sharing my story in hopes it could reassure other wounded parents that there is life after loss. As the years go by, I’ve learned that a mother’s love never diminishes, in fact my love for my son has grown, just as it would have if he were still alive. I am still his mother. No child dies without a legacy and a purpose for those that are left behind. It’s up to you, his mother, his father. Honour your child by healing. They wouldn’t want it any other way. Sandy Peckinpah My child’s loss helped me appreciate each single day. It taught me to reach out to others and begin sharing my story in hopes it could reassure other wounded parents that there is life after loss.