Compassion, Autumn 2021

Autumn 2021 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 7 couldn’t possibly be bereaved parents. And if they were, they couldn’t have lost a child they loved as much as I loved Joe. But when they started telling their stories I saw their emotion and realized their losses were similar to mine. How on earth were they still here and able to smile? I came away from that first meeting with some hope – if they could do it, so could I. I felt a little less lost. One of the phrases I heard a lot at TCF meetings was ‘one day at time’, and that became a mantra for me. I got through the next few years one day a time. Just doing the basics. One small task at a time. I would write a list of things I needed to do each day – have a shower, do the grocery shopping, cook dinner, pay a bill, and congratulate myself for achieving each one. Small steps. Looking back, I believe my life did end on that August day in 2008. But then my new life began. The life I didn’t want and spent the first few years trying not to have. But I had to learn how to live it. And I believe I have learnt how to do that. It still isn’t the life I want but I think I have now accepted that it is the one I have. There are good things in it. I have learnt to enjoy small pleasures, such as a sunny day, a walk in a beautiful place, the company of a good friend. The pain and sadness of losing Joe is still there and always will be, but I seem to have got used to it, and have learnt how to live with it and around it. Joe is still an enormous part of my life. He occupies more space in my brain than anybody or anything else. But it is not all pain and sadness. There is also my love for him. Huge massive wonderful love. That has not died. If anything, it has become stronger. So here I am, 13 years on. It’s that time of the year. Facebook is full of family camping trips, and I’m seeing all the “back to school” clobber in the supermarkets. Those things used to tear me apart. But I seem to have developed a tolerance to them now. My other two have grown up and are leaving home. My new life is moving forward, and Joe is there right in the centre of it. TCF is still a big part of my new life. I run a local group in Marlow, Bucks, and we support each other so well. I still cherish the times I spend with my TCF family, who I think are the only people who really understand me. So, thank you TCF for being there in the beginning when I was completely lost and for being a constant reassuring presence as the years go by. Sue Hughes The life of a soul on earth lasts beyond his departure. You will always feel that life touching yours, that voice speaking to you, that spirit looking out of other eyes, talking to you in the familiar things he touched, worked with, loved as familiar friends. He lives on in your life and in the lives of all others that knew him. Angelo Patri Madison Area Chapter Winnipeg Chapter News