Compassion Autumn 2022

Autumn 2022 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 16 relished the feeling of the sun on my face or the beauty of a rainbow and I also remember the crushing guilt that wasn’t far behind. One period in history which I find fascinating is the early twentieth century and, since peoples’ lives were becoming more and more documented, via censuses, birth death and marriage certificates, voters lists and things like school, workhouse and court records, as well as newspapers we know more about them than we know about our earlier ancestors. One of the most interesting records is the 1911 census, commonly known as the fertility census. Concerned about the number of children who were dying the government asked every woman how many children she had had, how many were still living and how many had died. Trawling through this census is horrifying because around 90% of them show one or more children who had died. In the worst one I saw the woman had had fifteen children and two were still living. If you follow those families onwards, through the death records, most of them lost at least one child in the years following that census. And then came the First World War and the catastrophic flu epidemic which followed it. It was a truly appalling state of affairs but did the fact that almost every family had suffered the death of one or more children make it any easier? I think the answer to that question is probably one of those ‘yes’ and ‘no’ conundrums. I don’t think for one minute that the pain and grief they felt was any less than the grief we feel now. On the other hand almost everyone knew what it felt like to grieve for a child so people must have felt less isolated; they didn’t have to look for a support group because it was already there, all around them. Apparently almost every window in every street would have a lighted candle in the evenings, during and after World War one, a beacon reaching out to loved ones who would not come home again and, in that, I see a shared love and grief which also reached out to each other. Thankfully better nutrition, better housing and hygiene and advances in medicine, especially vaccinations, have made the death of a child a much rarer event, at least in the Western world. The downside is that we can feel so isolated. So in answer to my question ‘was it different then?’ I’d say no it wasn’t. Throughout history the death of a child, that most unnatural of losses, has been a cause of deep grief and suffering; throughout history bereaved parents have needed the support of other bereaved parents. In the past that support was all around them whereas now we often have to seek support and thank goodness TCF is here to provide it.