Compassion Autumn Winter 2023

4 tcf.org.uk COMPASSION | NEWS FROM THE CATHARINE POINTER MEMORIAL LIBRARY As I sit in front of my computer there are three thoughts chasing around my mind and I’ll try to sort them out into a bit of sense. I think the recent week of unbearable heat (in September!) has fried my brains a bit but I’ll do my best. The first thought occupying my mind is the power of memories to bring pain, comfort and even joy and, as time goes on, I’ve found my memories have become far less painful. Recently, on one of my well intentioned attempts to de-clutter, I sorted through all my photos and threw away all the scenery I couldn’t identify, all the people I couldn’t identify and all the ones with heads or limbs missing or which were too blurred to decipher. It still left a lot of photos, which I’ve been sorting into albums, and of course many of them are of Claire, from the first one about an hour after she was born to the last ones, when she was eighteen. I also found a diary she’d written on a school holiday in the Isle of Wight when she was about eleven. That included little gems like “we went in for dinner but it was horrible” and “it’s too cold to wash but we’ll be going swimming tomorrow anyway” . Those photos, the diary and other bits and pieces made me and her dad laugh although there were tears just below the surface too. There was a time though when I couldn’t possibly have faced those memories, they were like barbed wire digging into me and tearing me to pieces and I couldn’t bear to allow them in, which is why so many of my photos ended up bundled together in a drawer. Nearly 20 years have gone by now and a quote I saw recently saying “I love walking down memory lane because I often bump into you” describes how I feel now in a nutshell. Time has softened the pain and allowed the joy and laughter of the years I was lucky enough to be able to share with Claire to comfort me. We have a few books on the theme of memory in the library and I’ve picked out three of them, all very different. The first is called ‘Sweet memories’ by Elaine Stillwell and it’s a book of practical ideas like making a collection of joy junk, a bragging book or a nature basket. It's a little book aimed at children but adults could get some ideas from it too.‘ ‘The Gift of Memory’ by Marrianne Richmond is a small book of poetry; in fact it's one poem spread through the book, interspersed with lovely colourful paintings of things like flowers or stars, and it walks you through the process of healing from the rawness of very early grief to the comparative peace of old grief. Finally there’s ‘A garden of love and healing’ by Marsha Olson. This guides you through making a memorial garden and it has information such as the meaning of each flower (the plant for compassion is ‘allspice’ for News from the Catharine Pointer Memorial Library by Mary Hartley The first thing I’d like to say is a big thank you to everyone who’s been so patient with me while I’ve taken longer than usual to reply to emails, send out books etc. It was all due to a very stressful family situation which is thankfully just about resolved now. TCF is such a wonderfully supportive ‘family’ and I do appreciate you all.