Compassion Autumn Winter 2023

6 tcf.org.uk Jack and Me is a father’s story of his life with his troubled son, leading to his suicide, aged 29, in 2015. Jack was mentally ill and addicted to drugs from his teenage years. His father, Cosmo, is a journalist and writer. In the first period after Jack’s death he did not want to write a memoir, as others had done, offering wisdom or life lessons, describing himself as cynical, self pitying and angry. Gradually, over seven years he has reflected on his experiences and written this book. It is a shocking and honest account of the double distress of trying to support his son and then grieving after his death. Cosmo writes very explicitly about the reality of a depressed child who does not respond to the support he is offered. He adopts a conversational style using the actual words, including swearing and shouting, that he and Jack would have used and this will echo with parents of children with addictions and mood disorders. He describes the emotional exhaustion leading to “the absolute certainty that there's’ nothing you can do; you’ve tried everything and everything has failed”. He conveys the burden of responsibility for a parent who loves and cares but cannot resolve their child’s distress. I think this book will help families who have faced similar challenges and who are ready to reflect on this. Jack’s story is told so vividly and directly that the reader may be upset by it; in the modern phrase it may trigger your distress if you’ve shared these types of experiences. It includes details of how Jack died and the effects on his body, which was not found until some days later. Jack’s father wants us to to consider the additional impact of suicide beyond the immediate shock of death. I think this book would help professional staff, and others, to better understand the stresses caused by mental disorders on the person affected and their carers. This book addresses the distress of mental illness, addictions and death by suicide. Jack’s father, a writer, has shared his painful personal story in a challenging way. COMPASSION | BOOK REVIEWS Book Reviews Jack and Me: how not to live after loss by Cosmo Landsman reviewed by Anne McAeavey