Compassion, Spring 2021

Spring 2021 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 13 As you read through this list you might get to one point and think, “Yes, that’s me”, but my guess is that if you do have complicated grief, then you will probably identify with at least 5 from the list and maybe even all of them and you will probably be able to add a few more from your own personal list. Complicated grief is basically what it says on the tin. It is grief, with all that brings for you to deal with and then on top of that you also have the anguish of having to go through a lot of other exhausting emotional (and physical) experiences, none of which life has prepared you for. Often you will be going through them alone, or you may feel alone because the people around you are just unable to give you what you need at that time, and you’re unable to ask for it. If you take each separate complication - if you use just the ones from the list I’ve written in this blog, each of them alone is pretty overwhelming. Now imagine that you have all of them happening at the same time as your terrible grief. Grief, guilt, fear of making the wrong decision, fear of making any decision, exposure, fragility, lack of experience, lack of confidence, lack of money, lack of friends, exhaustion (physical), exhaustion (emotional and mental), lack of sleep, lack of energy, loss, isolation, compelling need to continue, dread to continue, dread to fail, dread to succeed, lack of empathy, lack of support, regret for what you didn’t do, despair for what you couldn’t achieve, despair that what you achieve will make no change, despair that no matter what you do/don’t do, your loved one won’t return, needing them desperately, feeling adrift in a sea of sorrow and doubt, grief. If any of this is familiar to you, you may have complicated grief. You may be struggling to sleep. You may be struggling to eat or just look after yourself. You may be struggling just to get through a day in the “normal world” where the problems of people around you seem vacuous and meaningless. You may be experiencing isolation, depression, numbness, a sense of detachment from reality and inability to grieve normally (whatever that is). You may find yourself constantly thinking about the death of your loved one – to the point where you struggle to remember their life and