Compassion Spring 2022

Spring 2022 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 20 ‘Membership in a Compassionate Friends community means that the dead child is also a member of that community, that the child is valued, remembered, celebrated and loved... the children are the heart and soul of TCF.’ Grieving allows us gradually to recall and honour our son’s or daughter’s unique, precious character and personality, so that their name will become a blessing to you and to others. All your life long you will be able to do good, creative things – some small, some larger, in your child’s name. You maybe can’t envisage it yet, but it will happen - again and again. As one does things to honour one’s child and tries to live by their and one’s own best values, an inner conversation with them gradually develops and happy memories slowly begin to return. The spirit of your son or daughter lives on in each word, gesture, deed of kindness which you perform inspired by their memory and your love for them. Unexpected moments of joy will come. Just as your friends and family cannot imagine the depths of your pain and grief, so too you cannot imagine that you will ever again be happy or joyful. But although we are permanently scarred by grief, I know that, as you are comforted by friends both within and outside TCF, you will find joy again, tinged always by sorrow but eventually radiant with hope. But for now, I beg you, pamper yourselves and those closest to you. Be kind to yourselves. Each day try to do something fun. Although bereft, you are not alone. We in the Compassionate Friends are an extended family who belong to one another. And as you gradually open your heart to others, you will find that others will come to you, who need you. A parent’s love is beyond death. You can still express your love by being kind and loving to yourself, your spouse or partner, to any beloved surviving children, to other traumatised bereaved parents. The spirit of your son, daughter or sibling lives on in each word, gesture, deed of kindness which you perform inspired by their memory and your love for them. Dr Margaret Brearley Extract from ‘Upright with Knickers On’ edited by Gina Claye. This book can be purchased from the TCF online bookshop at tcf.org.uk/books