Compassion, Spring 2024

4 tcf.org.uk COMPASSION | NEWS FROM THE CATHARINE POINTER MEMORIAL LIBRARY During the last weekend of January I was at the TCF retreat weekend (formerly the National Gathering) in Northampton and I was reminded time and again, during that weekend, how much the friendship, empathy and kindness of ‘strangers’ have sustained me through the two decades since I last heard my youngest daughter call me mum. Since I’m in a rather reflective and thoughtful frame of mind I thought I’d indulge myself by mentioning two of my favourite books. Every single book in our library is valued and valuable but, whenever I’m choosing books to send to a reader, I will try hard to find books that fit that person’s particular circumstances at that particular time and these are the two I’d choose for me. The first is called “Holding Onto Love: searching for hope when a child dies” by Chuck Connors and this is a book, written by a bereaved dad, which is full of good advice for grieving parents. Chuck was a group contact in the USA for years and the book reflects his wisdom and knowledge and kindness and it’s a very helpful resource. What makes it special for me though is his story of the illness and death of his daughter is so like my own experience. When I first started using the library there were no books written by a parent whose child had died following a short and sudden illness (there are some now but not that many) and, although I got a lot from books written by parents whose children had died in other ways, I missed that personal connection. “Holding Onto Love” was published in 2009, I read it soon after that, and it always brings me comfort when I dip into it again. The second book I’ll mention is one I talk about a lot and it’s called “A Broken Heart Still Beats After Your Child Dies”. It’s written by two bereaved mums who are telling their own stories of their grief for their sons but they also include hundreds of quotations, poems, excerpts from fiction, from plays, from memoires, from song lyrics (Eric Clapton’s Tears in Heaven for example). They come from history and from contemporary times, each one very carefully vetted before it’s given house room. I can easily spend hours dipping into this book and I always find something new. And then, of course, I’ll want to follow up on one of the items in there and that’ll lead me on to another book. Thinking about the TCF friends who have helped and supported me and others through the years brings me our audio books and in particular our ‘Talking Compassion’ For many years now Janet Armstrong has been recording our quarterly magazine onto CDs, with the help of her grandson George, and those CDs are an extremely valuable resource for the library. Janet has the most beautiful speaking voice and I’m awestruck by George’s technical ability. I send those CDs to readers who aren’t able to see very well, if at all, to readers who aren’t able to hold a book, maybe because they’ve had a stroke or have something like Parkinson's disease, and to readers who just can’t concentrate enough to read something just then but can listen. Janet and George won’t be able to make any more recordings, for personal reasons, but my goodness the ones we already have are priceless and they will be helping people for decades to come. I would like to say a huge News from the Catharine Pointer Memorial Library by Mary Hartley As I’m writing this I’m very aware that this month it’ll be 20 years since my daughter Claire died. I’m not sure how I’ve got through those years but I know for certain that I couldn’t have survived without TCF.