25 tcf.org.uk me: the me who accepts her son’s death as an ugly, shocking fact and doesn’t ask why this tragedy struck, but instead feels grateful for every day Raphaël lived, and for the richness of his time among us. His life was short, but it was the fullest life I’ve ever known. And no, I didn’t sleep through the last five years and emerge feeling normal. If I could turn back the clock and be my old self again, with Raphaël alive, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But given that’s not on the cards, what use do I have today for the woman I was before 6th February 2020? And what is “normal” anyway? Five years since Raphaël’s death my grief - always a shape-shifter - is still morphing. Despite the spoken and unspoken expectation that I should “move on”, if it means leaving him behind me, I don’t want to. Being the parent of a child, whether dead or alive, is a lifelong state. And since love transcends the physical, wherever I go, my son comes with me. I’ve quietly let go of my List of Impossible Things. Somehow, together, Raphaël and I have come up with a modest new list of things that might be do-able. Guess what it’s called. COMPASSION | FEATURE - A WONDERFUL GIFT "Our son, David, died from leukaemia aged six years, in 1978. He is buried in Epsom Cemetery. Another child, David (sadly an only child), and Andrew, who also had leukaemia and died just before our son, are also buried there. Although we didn't know either David or Andrew, for many years at Christmas, we have put flowers on all three graves. Unfortunately, Andrew's grave has, over the last twenty years or so, become more and more dilapidated, to the point where it was almost impossible to see the lettering. He was obviously much loved, and we felt his parents must have moved away, or possibly emigrated, many years ago. I think we all understand hugely the importance of remembering our children, and we can do this with a memorial stone. My husband Chris and I felt we would like very much to have Andrew's gravestone restored. We understood from the manager of the cemetery that there had been no contact from the family for many years. She was most helpful and gave her permission for us to go ahead. We contacted a local family memorial company for a quote. Imagine our total surprise when, just before Christmas, on our visit to leave flowers, we found there had been a total transformation of Andrew's grave! It now looks as good as new, and positively glows. It is such an amazing change from the dismal area of so many years. What is particularly wonderful, and a true gift for Christmas, is that the memorial company employee Ian, said that he and his team had decided to carry out the work for free, it being their last job for 2024! We are so grateful and, as I told him, have given donations to TCF and Blood Cancer UK." A Wonderful Gift Here’s a heartwarming account from TCF supporter Margaret Smart
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