7 tcf.org.uk COMPASSION | NEWS FROM THE CATHARINE POINTER MEMORIAL LIBRARY King’s observation that she is “as fond of grief as you are of your child”, by saying “Grief fills up the room of my absent child, lies in his bed, walks up and down with me, puts on his pretty looks------------then have I reason to be fond of grief. Fare you well, had you had such a loss as I, I could give better comfort than you do”. In those final words there is maybe some explanation for the misconception that our forebears didn’t grieve as we do. It’s widely recognised by experts that one of the best ‘therapies’, for want of a better word, for grief, and the PTSD that often accompanies it, is to make contact with others who are suffering in the same way. For us that connection is provided by TCF, and my goodness it’s helped me so much to be able to meet, either in person or on-line or through their books or emails or letters, people who understand, who need no explanation. Our ancestors had a ready-made TCF because so many of their family, friends and neighbours had walked in their shoes. That must have helped a bit, but the grief was surely still so very painful To come back to books, the biggest help to me during those early months of 2004 was the TCF library, then being run by Catharine Pointer. Catharine sadly died the following year but her husband Michael continued to support the library, both financially and by taking a very keen interest in its progress and welfare. During the ten years that I’ve been the librarian he has been a constant presence, someone to talk to about any concerns or problems I might have and someone to bounce ideas off. Thankfully, during the last few years, the library has become a very integral and valued part of TCF so there have been very few problems and it was all good news I had to report during our lunch time meetings. Michael loved going out to lunch and we went to some very nice places both in the area around West Malling and in Suffolk when we used to drive up to see Gil Roberts who was running the library and housing it in her son Sam’s bedroom. It’s actually in my daughter’s bedroom now and I think both Sam and Claire would approve of that. One of the things I’ll miss about Michael is his presence at our local candle-lighting service where he would often read a poem. I know one of his favourite poems was written by Ben Jonson in the early 1600s. Two of the poet's sons died and his thoughts on the value of their short lives echo both my own and Michael’s thoughts. The Noble Nature by Ben Jonson It is not growing like a tree In bulk, doth make man better be; Or standing long an oak, three hundred year, To fall a log at last, dry, bald, and sere: A lily of a day Is fairer far in May, Although it fall and die that night— It was the plant and flower of Light. In small proportions we just beauties see; And in short measures life may perfect be. (This poem is in the public domain). With love from Mary Mary Hartley, TCF’s volunteer librarian, can be contacted at library@tcf.org.uk
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