Compassion Summer 2021

Summer 2021 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 22 What Should We Do About Our Will Now Our Only Child Has Died? This article is about a couple of simple ideas that those of us who are now ‘childless parents’ (an awful phrase, but it serves its purpose) may want to consider. It won’t be applicable to everybody, but if it makes a difference to only one person, then my writing this will have been worth it. My only child, Max, died in August 2019 aged 25 years. He was a professional tennis coach, and his death was unexpected - and for Kate, his Mum, and me, his Dad, his death was traumatic. Amongst all the many things that needed tending to after he died, we had to redesign our wills and consider any legacies we wanted to create in Max’s name. The part of the will I’m referring to is the part that will apply when both Kate and I have died. Most of the benefits from the old will would have gone of course to Max. But his death left us with a decision to make - who to leave the majority of the will’s assets and benefits to. We decided to bequeath the same proportion of our estate as before to relatives and charities etc. of our choice. But most of our estate – i.e. Max’s portion - we decided to bequeath to whoever we thought Max would give it to if he had a say in the matter (which of course he would have done had he not died before his parents). We thought long and hard, and drew up a list of his friends, and the charities and good causes in which he was involved and which he spoke about with passion. Then we decided what proportions of this section of the will should go to which. One name stood out. This was Max’s lifelong and best friend, Chris (not his real name). They had been like blood brothers all their lives. Chris had had a very difficult adopted childhood and had, and is still enduring, a series of medical episodes to deal with. They had stuck by each other through some very difficult times. Chris had never had a real break in his life. He had been handed a raw deal but had always tried his best and never given up. Given his circumstances, we decided to give him NOW what we consider Max would have given him rather than wait until both Kate and I died. We could afford it; so, we did. When we told him what we had decided to do, we explained our thinking in full and emphasised that the bequest was given to him from Max. Chris was blown away, as were Kate and I by his reaction. We know it has transformed Chris’s life and has deepened our relationship with someone we always hope will be part of ours. And we know Chris’s best friend, Max, would have wholeheartedly approved. Gil Hilleard