Compassion Summer 2021

Summer 2021 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 26 Every Mother who has lost a child feels bereft. Her grief is deep and endless. Her story unique. May I tell you mine? Does anyone out there have a similar story? My name is Liz. I am 94 years old. I lost my beautiful only child, my beloved daughter, Jane, in April last year. She was 69 and had been in the best of health until mid-March when she received the startling news that she had developed Pancreatic cancer and her time was limited. Indeed very limited. Just five weeks later she had gone from me and from this world. I try to make sense of this. At my age, I am the one to leave not she. Just a few months before, she had helped me tidy up my affairs and put things in order in case of my sudden demise. She knew what my wishes were regarding my funeral and I was happy and confident that they would be carried out. I have been widowed almost 43 years having lost my husband from a sudden heart attack whilst out walking our dog in the park. Jane and I were both devastated but eventually we were able to console each other and move on. But there is no consolation for me now. There is no moving on. What is there left? When her dear husband Graham died in 2009 her heart was broken but with strength and fortitude she eventually learned how to live without him. Now I have to learn to live without her also. Unfortunately she had no children. I have no grandchild to love as I love her. I deliberately use the present tense as my love for her will never die and when I depart this earth, that love will go with me. I am very lucky and privileged to have shared 69 years with the most beautiful, loving and caring girl that ever lived. She was generous, kind, loving, mischievous, and had the most delightful sense of humour and fun. She was the brightest star among stars. I remember the day she was born: her beautiful eyes looking up at me as I held her close. I remember her growing up, her illnesses, her likes and dislikes, her school days, her tantrums, her tears and above all her laughter. I remember her teen age and sometime rebellious years. Our home was filled with friends and laughter. Jane loved music and was an accomplished pianist and guitarist. She was also a very fine needlewoman. She was a “handyman” of the best order and would never allow herself to be defeated. What she was able to do she did well. She was a keen gymnast and loved Pilates. She also loved her high-powered Subaru car and sped along like the wind. It was always a fear to me but I did trust her as she was an excellent driver. She enjoyed eating out in the best restaurants and took me with her on many occasions. Each year she took me to a season of classical concerts at our beautiful local concert hall which we enjoyed together. She was always there for me if I needed help, and was cross if I did not ask her when such times became more frequent as I grew older. Jane was a popular lady, walking and socialising with her numerous friends and assisting them when necessary. When her funeral was held in May, I had numerous requests from those people whom I had to disappoint as I was limited to 15 guests but My Lost Child Oct 2020