Compassion Summer 2021

Summer 2021 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 4 Reflections from the Editor Dear Friends It’s the first day of May as I’m writing this, the sun is shining but it’s still so cold! Yesterday was my son Robin’s birthday. I bought some yellow roses which I put on his grave and the apple tree in my garden is bursting into bloom which it does for his birthday each year. I think back to the devastation of losing first my daughter then my son, the times of utter despair and hopelessness and I think how different my life is now. Still grieving my children but in a quiet, gentle way, enjoying many things in life, thankful for the ability I have now to help others. It was uplifting listening to the contributors to the Upright with Knickers On Talk, organised on zoom by our wonderful TCF staff in March. Each of the contributors shared part of their bereavement journey: Graham Foxleigh, Simon’s dad, spoke about writing poems, and said, “These were a lifeline for me because I wasn’t able to talk about my thoughts and emotions. By reading them over again I was able to purge some of those feelings. And leaving them around for the family to read gave them some sort of insight into the turmoil going on behind Dad’s poker face.” Jill Yglesias, Chloe’s mum, recalled how that first Christmas, she couldn’t even make the gravy. Reading the journal she’d written all those years ago she recalled, “The comfortable well worn rug of life has been brutally ripped from under us sending us crashing into a black vortex of grief. We need people to support us by holding us and allowing us to howl and cry as we need to.” When Fabian died his dad, Andrew Miller, was not sure how he should behave or what he should be saying. “Men are not supposed to cry, not supposed to show their emotions. They stress they that they are fine and there for the rest of the family. But a man grieves just as much as his wife. The Men’s group at our weekend retreats gives men permission to express their feelings to each other and the truth comes out.” Since losing James, Terry Ahern finds walking has been a godsend. “Walking alone or in a group brings comfort and enjoyment and being tired after a walk makes it easier to rest. Walking with bereaved parents gives another layer of comfort. Everyone can relax, talk freely about their children and their feelings. Our London walks have started again and you’re welcome to join us.” Kelly Cooper admitted that she only had to look at a plant and it would die. But after her son, Cameron, died she ordered seeds and registered them as Cameron Rose. To her surprise they grew and her garden is now flourishing. “Just sitting in the garden with a cup of tea, with the sun on my face, with time to breathe and think of Cameron is just wonderful. It seems to give me inner peace.” Gina Claye