COMPASSION 212 Summer 2022

Summer 2022 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 12 You Should… Has someone ever said to you, “You should…” and then started to tell you what you should do to “get back to normal” after the worst has happened, and your beloved child, sibling or grandchild has died? In their opinion there are things you ‘should’ do: You SHOULD keep a stiff upper lip. You SHOULD be strong for the rest of the family. You SHOULD not dwell on it. You SHOULD not cry. You SHOULD just accept it as God’s will. He knows best. You have other children… you SHOULD live for them. You SHOULD have another baby. You SHOULD not have her/his photo out as a constant reminder. You SHOULD keep busy. If you keep busy, you SHOULD have no problem with sleeping. You SHOULD work in the garden, you SHOULD work in the house. You SHOULD keep active. You SHOULD go back to work… then you won’t have time to think about it. You SHOULD think about all the other people who have lost children! But it is only their opinion, NOT their experience. They do not know and certainly do not understand the utter devastation and trauma that comes with the death of a child, sibling or grandchild. They want you to get back to the old you. But that is not going to happen. Your life has changed. You WILL survive the death of your loved one and hopefully, eventually learn to live a full and rewarding life. But only after you have grieved, and grieved fully. If this includes screaming, shouting, having