COMPASSION 212 Summer 2022

Summer 2022 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 20 Week 394 (and a half!) So here it is James. That milestone birthday. I imagined it so many times while you were here. Dreaded it after you left. It’s that time when you are well and truly an adult. When you would have mapped out your direction of travel and we would have …. “Alright, alright steady there, Mrs.” Oh, good morning birthday boy. You’re up already. I thought that I would just have a few minutes with my thoughts. “Yeah, I’m up. And I just thought I would step in to your ‘five minutes with your thoughts’, because I didn’t like the ‘direction of travel.’ ” Oh, well. I’m sorry. What didn’t you like about it? “All those tears for one.” I’m allowed to cry, James. “Yes you are. But it’s my birthday.” And you’re not here. “Yes I am.” Not physically. “True. But in every other way.” Are you going to eat your cake? “No.” Open your gifts? “No.” Blow out your candles? “Ah….I can give that one a try, but it might freak you out so…..no.” So can I just go back to crying please? To imagining what today would have been like if things had been different. To wondering what 30-year-old James would be doing right now? Married? Would I be a grandmother? Career?