Compassion Summer 2023

19 tcf.org.uk FOR PARENTS BEREAVED OF AN ONLY CHILD OR ALL THEIR CHILDREN This article looks at practical issues that may arise for parents who have been bereaved of their only or all of their children, and do not have grandchildren. In other words, they have no descendants. I am writing this article as a mother bereaved of both of my children. Pax died in 1982, aged only 3. Catherine died in 2011, aged 30. It was Catherine’s death that left me facing a future with no descendants. Facing up to what this means in practical terms has not been easy. Although I do have a partner, for all intents and purposes, I am the ‘last of my line’. If you are reading this, you will have your own set of circumstances, with more or less family connections and support. Whatever your situation, I hope that you will find this useful. I wish there were easy answers for us, but there are not. Aging without children We endure profound grief for our beloved children. We didn’t expect life to turn out as it has. They should be here, but they are not. In addition to our pain, there are practical issues about the future that may worry us. These are not idle concerns but realities. Health and social care in this country is organised with the expectation that the elderly and the sick have family members who will step in and help. We no longer have children who could take this role. Even if we have a partner at present, one of us will eventually be alone. Various organisations are starting to focus on the practical implications of people aging with no children. According to research, there are more than 1.2 million people over 65 in the UK who are childless for different reasons, including not wishing to have children, not able to have children, or their children having died. Of course, even for those with children, relationships can be complicated, and it Bereaved parents : Coping with issues arising from having no descendants “ My husband and I have no family now and after losing Ben, what do we do about everything as we have nobody to leave our ‘worldly goods’ to? We keep meaning to sort things out but it is not easy at all!” – P “ I had an accident this week and the hospital receptionist said you have no next of kin, please give me a name and number. Totally floored me. I am divorced with no partner and now no children and family. I have blood relatives who I have little/no contact with as my dad died when I was little and they never bothered with me.”-T A sad reality: People ageing without children are 25% more likely to go into residential care, and at an earlier age and lower level of dependency.