Compassion Summer 2023

20 tcf.org.uk doesn’t mean their children are in contact or willing to help as their parent ages. Also, some aging parents decide not to give too much responsibility to their children, but this is a choice they make, one that we do not have. Practical issues we might face include: • It is so important for us that our children are remembered. We may wonder how their memory can be preserved when we are no longer here. Perhaps we worry about what will happen to those precious reminders that we treasured: pictures, clothes, certificates, websites and so much else that is important to us. • We need to decide about inheritance and who will take care of matters when we die, including managing our funeral. • If we have no partner, we are already having to manage life alone. We may become isolated and lack support if we fall ill, or we might struggle to manage household tasks as we get older. • If we have a partner, we may live in fear of something happening to them, and what this will mean for us practically and financially. • We may worry about not having anyone to take the role of advocate to speak for us and ensure our care if we become ill or lack capacity. Putting arrangements into place to take care of these issues might not be too difficult to arrange if you have other family. If you have godchildren, nephews, nieces or family members who are available to help you, then it is mostly a matter of communicating with them. Of course, you’ll also be dealing with your emotions – it may feel very unsettling that someone else and not your child is stepping up to take care of things. However, if circumstances may have left you with little or no family, or not much contact with those who remain, it will be more challenging. Steps we can take Just as our situations differ, so do our personalities. Some of us just let life unfold, step by step, and don’t make many preparations. Others want to take some control over the future, so we plan ahead, at least as best as we can. Making plans and putting arrangements into place is not easy. It takes focus and concentration, it takes time and energy, and it can be leave us feeling low and unsettled. After all, unlike people who are intentionally childless or have decided not to involve their children, we have no choice. We had children, and we expected them to outlive us. It doesn’t seem right that we need make these arrangements without them. However, if we can gather our energies, we may find that making the effort to sort things out ultimately gives us more peace of mind. We could try making a list of what we need to do eventually. Once the list is made, it’s not like that we have to work on it all at once. It might make it a bit easier to take on one task “ Jade is my only child and of course the question of who to leave everything that I worked so hard for keeps popping up. It also brings a heart-breaking feeling that my Jade won't enjoy it. I'm very confused, although I'd changed my will to include Jade’s cousins. I try to channel funds towards the education of underprivileged children as this was Jade’s belief making sure I personally know the child/ren and understanding their goals including family support towards these goals.” - P “ A big worry for me is George's possessions. I am concerned that they are looked after. Also, what happens with his ashes and mine? I need to give all of this thought and planning. I have 5 godchildren. I keep in contact with them all so I feel my plan is to make them beneficiaries but I need to work out where I want George's possessions to go. It's so hard. Never ever did any of us think we would be in this situation.” – T FOR PARENTS BEREAVED OF AN ONLY CHILD OR ALL THEIR CHILDREN