Compassion Summer 2023

21 tcf.org.uk at a time. On the other hand, sometimes life intervenes and we find ourselves wanting to focus now, which was my experience when my partner was diagnosed with cancer last year. The list of arrangements and decisions will depend on your circumstances. It could include: Creating something lasting that will preserve your children’s memories, such as a bench or plaque • Deciding what will happen to social media and other online places where your children are remembered • Finding who will be able to attend to your child’s grave, if you have one • Deciding who to leave your possessions to, including your child’s things • Making a will and letter of wishes • Organising executors who will take care of your will (this can be a solicitor) • Setting up a funeral plan • Talking with family members (if you have them) about your concerns • Building up a local network of friends • Looking into finding an advocate for your health needs, should the need arise • Considering a Lasting Power of Attorney for your personal health care and/or finances • Thinking about later life arrangements and whether your present home will be suitable • Planning who will take care of your pets. Your own list might be quite similar, or have more or less to add. It is quite daunting, and much too much to do all at once! But many of these tasks overlap. The hardest questions when making a will, for instance, are deciding who should inherit from you and who will be the executors. It’s worthwhile mentioning that once these tasks have been done in the first instance, they will probably need to be revisited later on. None of this is pleasant and it is certainly challenging. The reality is, if our children were still alive, much of this would fall to them. This is why making these arrangements is so very difficult. It’s not only a matter of taking time and effort. It forces us to face the hard reality of our children’s deaths. It can awaken our deepest sadness and leave us feeling emotionally drained and physically exhausted. The best we can do is be kind to ourselves while we go through this. If you have anyone at all who can help you, even someone simply to bounce ideas off or to ‘vent’ to, then call on them. Don’t forget we (TCF) have a dedicated Facebook page, online groups and events for parents bereaved of their only or all of their children. You don’t have to do this alone. To help with this list of tasks, we will soon be publishing online a factsheet with resources for parents aging without descendants. This will include some practical ideas, links and organisations that might be able to help. Look out for a new factsheet on our website – coming soon. FOR PARENTS BEREAVED OF AN ONLY CHILD OR ALL THEIR CHILDREN