11 tcf.org.uk COMPASSION | BOOK REVIEWS This is a very moving account of a mother’s loss and devastation following the death of her 15 year old son in a road traffic incident in 2018. Dan is Debbie’s only child, she in turn is an only child and she is a single parent. In an instant she is home alone. Debbie tells her story in a journal format, day after day for the year following Dan’s death. All of us, as bereaved parents, share that journey from being a parent to being the parent of a child who has died. Our journeys are all different but we have the shock of loss in common. In this well written book we travel Debbie’s journey with her. I cried for her as she conveyed so powerfully the overwhelming impact of Dan’s death: I also cried for myself as I remembered my personal loss many years ago. The story highlights the richness of Dan’s life and the impact of his loss on so many people. He had made positive choices about his college course, his hobbies and his friendships. He was full of energy, enthusiasm and talent. This mother’s achievement in telling their story, sharing Dan with all of us, is a wonderful tribute to Dan. He will be remembered by us and in the various other tributes Debbie has set up with his college and his friends. In Compassionate Friends we are grateful to the parents who find the words to describe our loss and our need to hold onto the memories of our children. Thank you Debbie. Midowed: A Mother’s Grief’ by Debbie Enever reviewed by Anne McAreavey I’ve also read ‘Midowed’ and agree with everything Anne has written. On a personal level I’d just like to add two thoughts. Firstly I connected powerfully with Debbie’s experience of Dan’s time in an Intensive Care Unit. It’s one of those experiences that are so very difficult to describe adequately to someone who hasn’t been there themselves. The horror of seeing your beloved child hooked up to monitors and infusions and all the other paraphernalia of an ITU, while at the same time you can’t get physically close to them because there’s too much stuff in the way, is something nothing can prepare you for. I was a nurse who’d worked in ITU many times but I wasn’t prepared for that. I remember spending hours stroking my daughter’s foot because it was the only part of her I could get to and the whole time I was there I felt as though we were trapped in a nightmare. When I was spending umpteen interminable hours in the ITU waiting room I found myself chatting to other relatives, especially another mum whose daughter was desperately ill. They were waiting for a liver transplant and she told me how desperately she was hoping for a donor liver to become available and yet how sad and guilty she felt that another family would have to be heartbroken before that could happen. Another family talked about the relief they felt because their husband/father had been given a chance to live, because of the liver he had received, and the gratitude they felt towards the donor’s family for giving him that chance. Debbie and Dan had talked about organ donation and he’d said he’d like his organs to be donated because “How good would it be if it could save someone else’s life?” Well Dan did save other people’s lives; his major organs have been given to other people and Dan’s amazing gift of life to them is a huge tribute to him. We have copies of both the books reviewed in our library and I thoroughly recommend them both. Mary our librarian comments
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