15 tcf.org.uk COMPASSION | FEATURE: HOW WE SURVIVE How We Survive by Mary Rickerby, TCF/Okanagan (from TCF Kamloops Chapter, Canada) If we are fortunate, we are given a warning. If not, there is only the sudden horror, the wrench of being torn apart; of being reminded that nothing is permanent, not even the ones we love, the ones our lives revolve around. Life is a fragile affair. We are all dancing on the edge of a precipice, a dizzying cliff so high we can’t see the bottom. One by one, we lose those we love most into the dark ravine. So we must cherish them without reservation. Now. Today. This minute. We will lose them or they will lose us someday. This is certain. There is no time for bickering. And their loss will leave a great pit in our hearts; a pit we struggle to avoid during the day and fall into at night. Some, unable to accept this loss, unable to determine the worth of life without them, jump into that black pit spiritually or physically, hoping to find them there. And some survive the shock, the denial, the horror, the bargaining, the barren, empty aching, the unanswered prayers, the sleep- less nights when their breath is crushed under the weight of silence and all that it means. Somehow, some survive all that and, like a flower opening after a storm, they slowly begin to re- member the one they lost in a different way...The laughter, the irrepressible spirit, the generous heart, the way their smile made them feel, the encouragement they gave even as their own dreams were dying. And in time, they fill the pit with other memories, the only memories that really matter. We will still cry. We will always cry. But with loving reflection, more than hopeless longing. And that is how we survive. That is how the story should end. That is how they would want it to be. Joanne was determined to be a bridesmaid and for Annabel to be a flower girl for her brother Christopher’s wedding to his fiancée Sally and it was all booked for April 2018. At Christmas 2017 it became clear to Chris and Sally that Joanne may be too ill to do this by then, so they selflessly changed all their plans and reorganised all the arrangements for their wedding instead and brought it forward to 4th January 2018. The wedding was a very special day, a truly wonderful occasion which was so memorable for us all. By January 27, 2018, her pain from the illness became unmanageable, and she was admitted to the inpatient unit at St Francis Hospice where she remained until she sadly passed away on March 2, 2018, with her family by her side. She was incredibly brave, would never give in and fought the illness until her last breath. May she rest in peace. Loving and missing you always, Mum and Dad, Christopher, and Andrew xxxxx
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