24 tcf.org.uk Grandparents – among the forgotten grievers COMPASSION | FEATURE: GRANDPARENTS AMONG THE FORGOTTEN GRIEVERS There is no bond greater than that between parent and child. When a child dies, the pain of parental loss is near the top of the scale of human grief, and there is an immediate outpouring of sympathy and concern for the bereaved parents. Other grieving family members, including siblings, are often seen as secondary players who must provide support to the distraught parents, and among these forgotten grievers are the grandparents. In many families, the relationships between grandparents and grandchildren are every bit as profound as those between parents and their children. The death of a grandchild also ranks high on the scale of human grief but it is rarely acknowledged. When a grandchild dies, the anguish of grandparents is doubled. Their grief for a son or daughter suffering this tragic loss only compounds their pain at the loss of a beloved grandchild. If you are a grandparent who has lost a grandchild, you have every reason to grieve deeply. Life is complex and many of our fundamental questions have no apparent answer: Why do such bad things happen? What is the meaning of such pain? For now, your task is to mourn the death of this child and to take care of yourself as best as you can. If you want help, look for a book that addresses parental grief and substitute ‘grandparent’ as you read. Perhaps your local faith community or mental health centre has a support group for grieving grandparents. If not, ask them to start one. There may be other grieving grandparents among your friends and neighbours, and you can share your common grief and mutual comfort. Above all, be patient with yourself and: • Don’t try to suppress your grief. Stoicism won’t work. • Select the relatives or friends who give you comfort and tell them how you feel. • Don’t accept a comparison of your grief to that of others; grief is unique to each person. • Take time off from your grief occasionally. Go visit a friend or take a short vacation at a place you love. • The loss of a beloved grandchild is a severe blow but avoid thinking that life has no more to offer. If you have always wanted to paint, take some classes and dedicate your efforts to the memory of your grandchild. Sign up as a volunteer for a local hospital or food bank. Helping others can strengthen the nurturing identity that has been
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