5 tcf.org.uk Clearly this was exhausting and unsustainable and I truly believe that eventually, somehow, you literally grabbed me by the scruff of my neck. You were the adult (well, you are 43 now) and I needed you to help me to heal. I surrendered and dared to hope that that there was another way to live this life. Better late than never I found my tribe, my community. I discovered TCF and a whole new world was revealed filled with people very much like me. The huge, bolted door of my grief creaked open and I realised that it was OK to say your name Jonathan, and to be your Mum for the whole of my life. I became able to review my memories and consider them from another angle. Could shock and anger have masqueraded as guilt? I forgave myself for not protecting you from harm by understanding that no parent could have prepared for this. I came to realise that grief is the price that we pay for love. It felt safe to lean into my grief and let it flood over me, because I wanted to feel my love for you so much. You are with me in my future Jonathan, because I had you and because I lost you. I now listen and bear witness for those struggling to find their way through their grief because we, The Helpline Volunteers are proof that it’s possible to find a place for what we lose. When I’m asked how long it is before the sun might come out, I can offer the kindness of a stranger who ‘gets’ it when comfort is hard to find. Jonathan, you and I joined the shared experiences of TCF and contribute to their whole being greater than the sum of its parts. The lovely part of this letter to you is the gratitude I have for the strength in which your family find themselves today. You died 37 years ago, long before the arrival of your brothers James and Harry who bobbed in the turbulent wake of my grief. With pride I write to you to celebrate Harry’s success, along with his wonderful, best mate Toddy in raising nearly £3000 pounds for TCF whilst representing the Royal Navy and Royal Air Force respectively at NATO, Italy. You and TCF are now known and in the futures of the NATO community, and they know that if needed we are out there. Respectfully and regardless of rank, service or country of origin, the base families joined together to support Harry and Toddy as they did their gruelling and exhausting 26 hour nonstop marathon. They were present and offered their support for our TCF families who find themselves trying to adjust from what we consider to be the greatest loss of all. I’m grateful to know that sometimes hope can be restored, lives can be worth living and that love lasts and evolves eternally. Love you son. Thank you. COMPASSION | FEATURE: HI SON
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